ok my mom and my husband have cancer i try to help out my mom and take care of my husband and my daughter is now doing things to hurt me and my husband emotionaly she is only 13 and we have caught her smoking and her dad is afraid she will run away i have also heard her friends talking about cutting how should i talk to her before she starts doing this as it is so dumb.she dosent wont for anything she has it all and now i cant buy her what she wonts because i had to quit my job to take care of them both.i need help.
2007-02-11 18:21:50 · 6 answers · asked by mountainchowpurple 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
PRAY!
2007-02-11 18:26:09 · answer #1 · answered by crystal_clear_0000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry. What she needs most is your attention. Maybe she's feeling neglected, as your husband and mother are requiring so much of your time and energy. Trust me, give her as much as you're giving them, or you'll know a real nightmare. Thirteen is a rough age no matter what, but add on the stress of her dad and grandmother being sick, and your attention being so diluted--it's a recipe for a very bad stew. Time to focus on the girl, above all else. Take her camping, quick! (it's affordable) Before she gets a boyfriend! Because then she'll be out of reach emotionally...and it's likely you'll have no chance of reaching her for a few years. Focus on a good ole' heart to heart. Get dad and grandma's support, so you don't feel guilty for neglecting them. If they're smart, they'll want you to take care of this asap. Forget that your daughter has been an intolerable brat, you've got to reestablish that core bond between you. And once you do, don't be all hurt like it's the end when you have a little falling out. Accept it with grace, deal the discipline with consistency. It's a confusing time, and there will be outbursts and rebelliousness. Expect it and be glad. It means she's normal and developing fine. Rebellion is a sign of coming into your own person. Most people do a little of it around that age. We can lesson the pain by accepting it for what it is, and also regularly reestablishing that bond, so that she always knows that no matter what, Mom is someone I can go to. Mom loves me no matter what.
I'm sorry to hear about the smoking though. I'd do some Google research on how to handle that, like TODAY. Good luck and love to you.
2007-02-12 02:38:32 · answer #2 · answered by itry007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your attention and energies are being pulled in all directions; you must be exhausted and overwhelmed.
And 13 is such a hard age. Your daughter is overwhelmed by not only her body changing, and her mind telling her she needs to be independent, but she must be terrified her father will die, her grandmother will die, and she doesn't have you to hold her and comfort her. You must be stretched to your limit with your job as caretaker for your husband and mother, and also your fear of the future for them. Add to that losing the income from your job, and the ability to be around other people at that job..
But it sounds like you need to take some action quickly. Do you have to be with your mom and husband all the time? Can you just say to your daughter that you need a break from caretaking, and she needs a break from all she's dealing with and take her on a picnic or to the park or even a movie. Although I think you'd make more of the day if you could do some activity where you'd have a chance to talk.
She needs to know she'll still have you even if she loses dad and grandmother. She may feel she's lost you already.
Also, if there is an organization for teens in your area--we have one here called SAY -Social Advocates for Youth--they offer counseling to teens and parents. I hope you ask for help for both you and your daughter; help to strengthen your relationship with each other because you may need to lean on each other in the near future. And you daughter is becoming a teen and that is hard enough without all the other things your facing.
2007-02-12 04:25:28 · answer #3 · answered by metaphysical_kitten 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like she is screaming for attention. I'm sure you have your hands full but maybe if you spent some one on one time with her. Girls that age are in need of sooo much guidance and direction and if they don't get it this is what they resort to. You would be surprised what a 1 hour lunch somewhere a couple times a week would do. Make her feel secure by hugging her as she's walking by and tell her how much you love her and appreciate her on a daily basis. This only takes about 30 seconds and absolutely no money!!
2007-02-12 02:37:49 · answer #4 · answered by amarafusiondncr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is crying out for attention. Part of it is the age. 13 is such a tough age for kids under the best of circumstances. With all the hormone changes, pressures at school, social pressures, etc., etc.... Then, if you add to all of that the stress of her father and grandmother being ill with serious diseases, you end up with a very frightened and confused little girl with all the weight of the world on her shoulders. She doesn't need things, she needs help---and NOW---before the situation gets any worse. If your insurance won't cover counseling for her, seek out agencies that can help put you in touch with agencies that will help you for little or no cost. ---It sounds like you may also need some help as well. Being caregiver to two ill adults is exhausting, not to mention being the mom of a teenager who is acting out. Good luck to you both.
2007-02-12 02:36:03 · answer #5 · answered by ms_quiltsalot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ITHINK your kid is a spoiled brat... ok.. he is going thru tough times but what up with "i cant buy her what she wants"... since when does she tell you what she wants... ?... she doesnt want toys.. talk to her!
2007-02-12 02:30:58 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Truth 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋