Is it advisable to have a fling with an old flame if we're both clear on the fact that nothing.....?

Question

will probably come of it? I was absolutely in love with this guy years ago, but things never lined up for us and we never got together. We made out once, but that's as far as I let him take it (I was only 15 at the time). I'm 19 now and he is 2 years older; we have kept up a light friendship, and we went out for coffee while we were both home from college on winter break, which was the first time we had actually seen each other in almost 2 years. I was hit with the fact that I was still extremely attracted to him, and he has told me (without prodding!) that he is still attracted to me as well. We are both pretty resigned to the fact that things would likely not work out long term, but we still can't seem to get each other out of our systems. So, is just having a fling for the fun of it all right? I don't feel guilty thinking of it; I just don't want to get hurt myself or hurt him. Any/all advice is welcome and appreciated!

Answer 1

You have to be able to answer two questions for yourself:

1) Are you capable of having a no strings attached relationship? Some women think they are but sex and the desire for a "real" relationship are more linked than they think initially. If you have been there and done that without getting your feelings tied up in the situation (especially if it mimicked this situation at all) go for it but be cautious if you feel like you are getting more caught up than you wanted.

2) What would you do/say/feel if he suddenly wanted a deeper relationship or was dating someone else shortly after you hooked up? If you can handle that on either end then go for it as well.

These types of hook ups can be great if both people are honest with themselves and why they are doing it. If either of you isn't it can be disastrous. Be sure to set up comfortable boundaries for both of you.

Answer 2

Well personally, women and flings don't exactly go hand in hand. There always seem to be emotions tied up in it. It seems you take the word love very lightly which you shouldn't, you had a crush on him in the past and you're still attracted to him. Think about everything and it's consequence. If you like this guy, you're going to get hurt. He's physically attracted to you but that doesn't mean that he likes you beyond that. A fling is something that you have with someone you don't have history with, you guys have long term history. You're going to be seeing each other since you have to come back to the same town. Reality is, you're going to be hung up on him. I wouldn't have a fling. I would let him be and if he's even willing to have a fling with you and nothing more, then he doesn't care about you at all. All he wants is sex. So you'd be wasting your time anyway. He's not the one for you. Good luck sweetie, I hope you think about this carefully before you just do it.

Answer 3

You are trivalizing sex with the word "fling". You know already that it won't work. Your basically trying to base an already unsuccessful relationship on sex, and you will end up regretting giving yourself and giving pleasure to someone else who never give you the REAL pleasure your seeking.

The sex will never be good. It is not love and someone who REALLY loves and cares about you is what your looking for. There are so many people in this world, you CAN find someone who will care about you. You will meet a lot of people who are attractive, but you will learn that you don't sleep with all of them. You already KNOW its not going to work, so why do you want to continue to waste your time on something what will not develop into anything good for you?

Don't sleep with him! It will be a mistake. I promise. See how you feel in about six months.

Answer 4

OMG ure avator is winking! That's awesome- how'd you do that? :-)

And for your question- I wouldn't recommend it. If you know nothing will come out of it, then why don't you get a NEW fling in which something might come out of it? I mean this is such a dead-end- why not just go another path? Well hope this helped :-) Good luck with your decision!

Answer 5

I made a choice long ago not to ever get "involved" with someone unless I would seriously consider spending the rest of my life with them.

I have found that viewing such things through that type of prism clarifies what is really important in a relationship and it keeps me from hurting myself and others...

Answer 6

Believe me, it's probably NOT all right. We have all dreamed of a simple, beautiful sexual relationship without complications of feelings interrupting. Dream on. When you're 40 (if you're single then) you'll have things in better perspective and will more likely be able to do it.

Answer 7

How great! Have fun. Make sure you keep talking about where you are at though so no one does get hurt. Sometimes those old feelings can creep up on you and then it's too late!

Answer 8

well it seems you guys both like each other i dont really get the fact why you guys wouldnt long termbut i would give it try if not then you have to tell him you jst wan to be friends then caus eif you dont then he will feel hurt if you dont tell him know cause he will want to do things cause he feels you are attratived to him that he might fell like you lead him ive been lead on and lead people on and its not pretty

Answer 9

I agree. If I was you, I would need to get it out of my system. I wouldn't leave until I did something. I go through stuff like that a good bit.

Answer 10

cool however the 1st 2 are incorrect. sorry. there have been lots of helicopters in We have been infantrymen, which happened to be a great action picture. and sunlight hours cost less costly rates became made to maintain electrical energy, save means.