Okay, well my boyfriend has issues with anger - he gets angry all the time over the littlest things. Once he gets angry, he usually has a very difficult time getting "un-angry" and seems to turn into a completely different person. He is never violent, he is just mean and says nasty things. He also blames his anger on me a lot, and says he wouldn't be angry if I hadn't done this or that. However, I am usually trying my hardest NOT to make him angry. He won't go see a therapist, I have tried to convince him several times but he doesn't think he can afford it (he has no medical insurance). Usually the only thing that calms him down is smoking pot, but he is trying to quit so he can pass a drug test to get a job. Without the pot, his anger is even more out of control.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with him when he is like this or ways to help him regulate his emotions?
I am 22 and he is 23, we have been together for 5 years, and we live together.
2007-02-11 15:00:19 · 14 answers · asked by ~Christine~ 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Anger management classes. There are alot of people who when they try to stop smoking pot or other drugs-they get very angry. It is called withdrawal. Narcotics Anonymous would be another alternative.
2007-02-11 15:04:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I believe you boyfriend needs either a doctor or therapist or both. He does NOT need the pot. If he can afford pot, he can afford medical help. Most therapists have a sliding scale program, where the patient pays a percentage of the fee based on their income. If not, most hospitals have hardship programs where you can apply for highly reduced rates or free care if he needs a hospital. In this case, checking in for a short-stay evaluation may be the way to go. The important thing is to find out where the anger is coming from and treat it accordingly. It could be something from the past, how he was raised, or it could be a chemical imbalance in his body. If you cannot deal with the anger, then you must decide if staying with him is wise for you. Yes, he has the anger problem, but YOUR well-being is important also. What he is doing to you each time he directs his anger at you is called verbal abuse. Perhaps couples counseling is an option? Good luck to both you and your boyfriend.
2007-02-11 23:19:46 · answer #2 · answered by Katykins 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone who is married to the exact same type of man I can tell you honestly that you can A) try as hard as you want you can do EVERYTHING right- and he will still find a reason to be angry! If he doesn't have a reason ^B) He is going to blame you because YOU are there and C) He will mellow with age but do you want to wait that long? So u can sit back and put up with it ( I don't recommend this) and wait for him to mellow or you can be sure that he has as much pot as he needs to KEEP him mellow no matter what! And I don't recommend this either- but it's easier than the first choice- I have been with my husband for 28 years and his anger has always been one of the biggest problems in our marriage but we have managed to get where we are today through my patience and his knowing I wasn't going to up & leave him because he has anger issues! Counciling was never a thought-tolerence was the best I did so that's all I can say on it!He needs to find a job and support his pot habit and his use of it -is just an excuse as to why he doesn't get a job, tell him to consider getting some treatment for anger or the pot!Or if he thinks he can give up the pot by himself TO HELP keep you 2 together than ask him to prove-than you will know if HE loves you enough to change! Good Luck!
2007-02-11 23:15:48 · answer #3 · answered by buffster06 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend is abusing you. Abusers usually never change their behavior. Now, the best advise I can give you is to get out. I also know that everyone else has said the same thing and that you'll probably stay. (On average it takes a woman leaving her abuser seven times before she actually leaves for good.) So, my second best advice, go get counseling. The two of you should get couple's counseling and individual therapy sessions. Not having insurance is no reason not to go. They are places that work on a sliding fee. If he won't attend (which I'm sure he won't) you still need to go. Best wishes. I hope your boyfriend will accept his problem and try to change his behavior. There is nothing you can do change it for him. You have done nothing wrong and it is not your fault. Please, do what is your best interest and leave. Take care.
2007-02-11 23:21:15 · answer #4 · answered by raintigar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any advice for him, but for YOU, get out of that relationship. That is very very unhealthy. It sounds like you are OK with him using pot to settle himself down. That's crazy. You need to get away from him as quick as possible. How sad he is 23 and just now getting around to trying to pass a drugs test to find a job. Which means you are probaby supporting him. So sad hun. I feel sorry for you. There are plenty of good guys out there willing to suppot u without all the anger issues that it sounds like your guy has. Pack ur bags and leave him.
2007-02-11 23:06:21 · answer #5 · answered by boomer 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Abuse begins verbally and escalates to physical.
You are being controlled by his anger and it is BAD. If you are walking on egg shells to avoid an explosion and blame and ridicule, etc. YOU ARE ALREADY a VICTIM of ABUSE!!!
You should be the one to go see a counselor and right away!
Anger is usually created as a result of fear.
Fear he wont get what he wants or you might do something he doesn't like.
Rage is when self-esteem is dominated by ego. "You cant do that to me" type sayings.
PLEASE, examine what is holding you to a relationship with a man who has a huge character defect. After all, isn't self control something we teach 2 year olds???
2007-02-11 23:10:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not trying to be a jerk about this question, BUT you need to do what is right for YOU! You shouldn't have to change yourself for his anger - that is a sign of abuse (verbal, mental and possibly physical in the future). He has a lot of issues that you don't need because you are not his therapist. If you allow him to act like this, then you are letting him be codependant with you. Just call it quits and let him work on himself.
2007-02-11 23:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by Littlesby 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it is time to move out. If he isn't willing to get help with his issues and just uses pot to deal, you need to be concerned that one day it will get out of hand. It always starts small and gets worse. Besides, mental abuse (his yelling and blaming you) isn't healthy. If he doesn't want to get help then get out now while you can and before there are kids involved.
2007-02-11 23:05:07 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
meaning to say that he has bad temper, person like him is considered a good person because he puts his anger so easily without bad meaning or bad intention. you cannot change him at all christin, he doesnt need therapies even, you got to fully understand him and try to know whats bothering him. never get angry to him, i didnt know him but im very sure he is good one and loves you, trust me, just help him in any ways. i wish you both good luck.. i disagree to all above answers.
2007-02-11 23:15:04 · answer #9 · answered by zagi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not seeing a therapist
isn't about the money
it's about your bf
not wanting to hear
what the therapist
is going to say:
--stop smoking
--get a job
your bf is not going to stop smoking
he is not going to get a job
(maybe...occasionally & temporarily)
he is not going to see a therapist
he is not going into rehab
he is not going to become less angry
or less mean
or less nasty
or less accusatory towards you
you are not going to be able to
counsel him
convince him
change him
it's true at 22
it will be true at 27
(w/kids)
he's become your project
not your partner
are you going to keep letting him be
your purpose?
2007-02-11 23:24:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋