My brother is getting married approx. 3 weeks after I have a baby and he is saying no kids allowed....?

Question

My brother is getting married about 3 weeks after I have a baby. He and his fiance are saying no kids under 18 are allowed to come because they are having the wedding filmed. It is in a different town than where we are from so we have to stay in a hotel. They want me to leave the newborn baby with a unfamiliar babysiter. Are we being unreasonable when we say we will not come unless we can bring the baby? We have said we will do everything in our power to prevent the baby from crying and my husband will leave the church if he starts to cry. What else can we do? This isn't just any baby this is my brother's first nephew and a big part of me. This is tearing me apart and I want to make a smart decision.

Answer 1

We brought our newborn daughter to 2 weddings. My brother in laws and my husbands cousin. They both knew a head of time that we would not come unless the baby could. We actually called his cousin to decline and when they asked why we told them they mentioned no kids in the invite. They said we could. Our daughter didn't make a peep through the ceremony and slept through the reception. Most people didn't even realize that she was there. At the brother in laws wedding, their flower girls and ring bearers made more noise than our baby.

I don't think you should be forced to leave your 3 week old baby alone. Talk to him about how you feel. Overnight is much too long to be away from your baby. If you can get a babysitter to go with you guys, that way you could have a little break.

Answer 2

I would not leave a three week old baby with an unfamiliar baby sitter. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! Three week old babies require a lot of attention, even if they do sleep a lot as you are just getting to know your baby and he needs you! I agree with another writer, if your husband is willing to watch the baby while you go to the wedding you will probably feel a whole lot better about his situation. In the end, do what you feel is best...you are right the baby is a big part of you and believe once that baby is in your arms, you will do everything in your power to make sure you are doing right by baby.

Good luck!!

Answer 3

The very first thing to do is to call your brother. Apparently, he doesn't have kids yet. Many people say no children under 18 because they are trying to cut the guest list to the bare bones (and the need to feed those guests) When you call say that you wish you could come but you are not comfortable leaving a very young baby with someone that you don't know. He may wonder why you are not bringing the baby. He may not realize that his wedding is three weeks after your due date and that you will have a young baby to deal with. Explain that you do not want to worry about the stress of finding a sitter in an unfamiliar town, and that leaving your child would be too stressful.
Don't take it personally if they stick to the "no kids" rule. DO NOT allow it to affect your pregnancy and delivery. the stress will transfer to the baby. If he becomes upset that you are not going to be there, but will not budge on the rule, DO NOT FIGHT with him. Simply tell him that you love him, but you will not hurt your baby with stress. Make an appointment with him to work things out after he gets back from the honeymoon. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

My husband bought me a laptop a little while ago, so this is the first time I have ever made an attempt to e-mail anyone outside of my familiar circle. However, in reading your request for help, I felt compelled to offer a suggestion that may or may not help your situation, but here it goes. First, I find it sad that your brother will not make an exception for you considering the circumstances -- new baby, fatigue, being 3 weeks postpartum (and the feelings and emotions are very real), as well as being out of town is a major undertaking. But, I completely understand your reservations in not wanting to leave your baby with a total stranger, so I definitely wouldn't give in to that. However, as selfish as I think he's being, it is his wedding, and although I understand your reservations about attending, they will never let you forget it if you don't show up. So the question is . . how can we make this a win-win? I recommend that you work something out with your brother to see if you can at least bring the baby to the reception (if you're nursing, the odds will work in your favor). If he agrees, work something out with your husband and see if he can tend to the baby in your hotel room while you attend the ceremony. Then have him meet you at the reception with the baby, and you can all enjoy the remainder of the event as a family. Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 5

I think you should honor your brother's wishes. What about someone on your husband's side of the family, like his mother. If that is not an option then perhaps your husband should stay home. It's not 100% fair, but it is your brother's wedding so you must be present. If you don't go, you will regret it.

I'm sure others in your family will understand why he is not there. A wedding is no place for a 3 week old baby. You will not be able to fully enjoy yourself and babies are so unpredictable. You haven't even given birth yet, so you don't know your babies temper-ant or how he/she will react in the presents of others. Wedding can be very loud; with people laughing and having a good time. That can disturb a newborn.

Answer 6

It sounds like your brother is the one being unreasonable. Have you talked to your mother about this? Unless she's the one who's made the age rule or you've already talked to her, she might be able to talk some sense into him. Just being willing to travel with a baby that small is, I think, a huge gesture on your part. I'm not really sure what to tell you except I think you're right, but I know you don't want to cause problems with your brother. You should remember that if he seems really unreasonable about this, planning a wedding is really stressful and that's probably a big part of why he's acting the way he is. I don't know how long the ceremony will be, but I doubt it would be longer than an hour and maybe even a lot shorter. One alternative might be to have the baby with a sitter in the church building, but not in the room the ceremony's in, and then you can sit toward the back and if the baby starts to fuss the sitter can come get you. And that way you can be with the baby directly before and after the ceremony.

Answer 7

Talk to your brother. If you're breastfeeding, that makes this even harder. Exlain that 3 weeks is a bit soon to leave your baby (considering your wording I'm guessing you're still pregnant...what if you go over 2 weeks or something?) Ask if this rule still stands for you when you have an infant which I'm guessing would sleep more likely than not. If so, let him know that depending on when you do get birth & how the baby is doing, you may not be able to attend. I do'nt think it's unreasonable to have you attend with the baby.

Answer 8

I'm probably going to get a lot of thumbs down for this, but as someone who is planning her own wedding, I agree with your brother. I understand that this is a very young child, but you need to understand that this what will hopefully be your brother's only wedding. He and his fiancee have invested a lot of money into this day and would like to enjoy it with people old enough to understand the importance of their wedding day. And, if he makes an exception for your child, then there will be complaints from other members in the family who couldn't bring their children. It's like the saying goes, "If I make an exception for you, I'd have to make it for everyone."

You must have a close friend who isn't invited to the wedding. Leave the baby with him/her. I'm sure it'll be fine. My brother had people babysitting his baby within weeks of his being born (because people asked if they could babysit) and ultimately, I think it was better for the baby since the child was able to bond with other members of the family. Some of my best memories are of babysitting my nephew when he was still young.

Answer 9

I would sit down with your brother and discuss this issue with him. Let him know how important it is for you to attend his wedding, but as a new mother you don't feel comfortable in leaving your child with a sitter. And you want to know if it is possible to bring your child to the ceremony if your husband agrees to step out if he begins to cry or sits in a sound proof crying room (many churches have them) during the ceremony. If he still decides to not include your son, then ask your brother if your husband stays at the hotel with your son during the ceremony can the two of them join you later at the reception. If he still says no, then I would consider just having your husband stay with your son at the hotel during wedding so you won't miss your brother's wedding. If you are not willing to attend the wedding without your son and husband than you can just respectfully decline. But I do not recommend attending the wedding with your child without it being okay with your brother.

Answer 10

it is very unreasonable to ask parents to leave a newborn baby - not just for safety reasons, but also for feeding, etc. Most churches have a nursery were parents can take children so no one hears the noise, but you can still see the wedding. Ask if they would consider, if nothing else, letting you bring a sitter to watch the baby there, on location. That way you are there if needed and don't have to worry.