I have been with my husband alomost 11yrs. we have childern from previous relationships. my 12 yr. likes to think she is the boss. She has a pair of clog shoes in which her step-dad feels is not right for winter even though her feet are covered 100% from socks even though he said not to wear them because it was winter I gave them to her behind his back, I was dropping her off at the highschool to watch volleyball games and not walking, there was no snow on the ground he went into a rage!! But yet his son goes out with torn jeans and a t-shirt and has been sick 2 times already missed school as my daugher is no saint but not sick, why is it ok for the boy to goe out half dressed and wet hair but the girl cant wear clogs?? He thinks its all me and throws things and tells me I am a bad mother for allowing this and no brainer but again his son goes out walking in torn jeans and a wet head?? Is it me or is he right?? What is good for one is good for the other?? Please help?
2007-02-11 13:33:01 · 6 answers · asked by Melinda C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To me its not this or that but when it comes to a 12 and 13yr. they compare and what is good for one is good for the other she wore them in a building not walking in 2ft. off snow.
2007-02-11 13:56:05 · update #1
I agree with you what is good for one is good for the other .He problay acts like that towards your daughter because it is not his kid He kinda sounds like a jerk sorry
2007-02-11 13:39:05 · answer #1 · answered by vixen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, for one thing...a 12 year old is NOT the boss. Your husband is right only part way. You are wrong in that you went behind his back. You gave up the authority to your daughter when you did that. Who is the mom? Grant it, your husband is not picking out his battles within reason. But YOU... did the worse thing for your marriage. YOU took away the head of home by putting him in a lower light with your daughter. Clogs, jeans, wet hair...doesn't matter, what does matter in the long run is the respect your children have for you when they are NOT with you. Set better limits for your children (TWEENS).
2007-02-11 15:00:52 · answer #2 · answered by skygirly62 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get counceling. You 2 are adults and should be working together not against each other.
I would have to say the sanest one should be the one to make the most positive steps. His complaint is her clogs. Then make a deal with him, no more clogs in the winter if his kids where civil pants in the cold. Let him know if you have to bend on somehting it is only fair he does the same.
AND NEVER EVER go against him behind his back. You are teaching your daughter she doesn't have to respect his position in your home. As time goes on this will not stop with her step father it will grow to include teachers and the law.
Encourage your husband to help you teach respect to both sets of kids.
Don't worry about the wet hair and poor clothing. They don't make you sick. My kids did it all the time when kids and they were never sick, much to their disappointment. Germs make you sick. Cold makes you cold. I am going to be 60 next mo. and the cold has never made me ill. I live in Erie and we get some mighty cold winter days. I haven't worn a heavy winter coat in years. I wear an unlined spring jacket or a flannel shirt.
If I get sick it is in the warm weathe when germs become more active.
Back to my original thought here, If possible find a pleasant way to get him to work with you and you be sure to work with him. Be nice to each other as that is a good example most kids don't see much any more. And maybe a few counceling sessions to help you both merge as one in purpose with the kids.
2007-02-11 13:59:15 · answer #3 · answered by sandra_k19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the issue might be that clogs are not safe winter footwear.Icy sidewalks are bad enough in the best of winterboots. Why increase your risk of injury. I know torn jeans are a fashion statement too but no one ever twisted their ankle by wearing them.You and your husband need to pick your battles with your kids (because they are now both of your children ,not mine and yours).If you two can't get your act together on shoes and jeans what happens with the bigger issues like premarital sex,drugs and peer pressure?
2007-02-11 14:23:03 · answer #4 · answered by gussie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COME ON MOM clogs in winter?stop trying a tit for a tat its one of the reasons step familys don't work most times .you should not go behind your husbands back ,it gives you daughter a bad impression and later in life will think its ok for her to do the same.
2007-02-11 13:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by masie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he do these things behind your back?
2007-02-11 13:47:33 · answer #6 · answered by DrB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋