My son has depression i need help?

Question

My son has depression and i dont know what to do. He hates himself and has thought about suicede and have no idea what i should do. He is bullied but doesn't care he is 12 and over weight and his grades are falling he is a genuis but getting more and mroe careless. He has been bullied since kindergaten but the teachers never did anything i need some sort of advice or something

I tried th ymca. Infact the ymca was the worst part he went to a after school program called latch key is where it all started and during summer they made racial jokes at him.

Thanks for all your help. Just so you know im actually the kid looking for advice. I thought with a adult disguise i could get better info thanks again

Answer 1

I suggest you take your son to a child therapist. If he's showing signs of suicide, this needs to be brought to a professional's attention. Bullying needs to be dealed with, but since it seems like that isn't going to happen, you have to do what's best for your son, and what will help him the quickest. As for his weight problems. I suggest a subtle change in diet. Use bread that only says WHOLE WHEAT, or WHOLE GRAIN WHEAT. Because white bread LITERALLY has no vitabin b in it, which he can get from whole. Add some more fiber to his diet. An apple a day DOES keep the doctor away. But make sure he eats the skin as well, that's where the fiber comes from. Lighten up on salty foods, and proteins. Carbs are actually better, because they provide the glucose his brain will need to function properly, and they provide more energy than protein. Also remember complex carbs are better than the simple carbs. I'm not saying all meat is bad. But if he MUST have red meat, choose leaner cuts. But it's better for him to have fish, or chicken breast. If he's drink alot of soda, even diet, switch over to water. He may object, but that should cut 10 pounds immediately. 7 or 8 glasses of 8 oz of water is an appropriate amount. But not too much water, because that can have an opposite affect. Also, is he getting enough vitamin D? that can have a huge affect on depression.
I can't gauruntee that diet and excercize alone will "cure" his depression. But he will undoubtably benefit from the change. Sometimes the term "look good to feel good" isn't too far from the truth. If this depression is stemmed from low self esteem. He can benefit emotionally when he begins to notice the weight loss.
Again, I strongly advice you find some therapy for him, since he is having thoughts of suicide. But I also think he should change his diet. I went through similar feelings when I was his age too. I was bullied from kindergarten up, I was never suicidal, and never have been. But I was hurting. I was really hurting. I never ate because of the medicine I took, when I was 12 I switched meds, and suddenly started over eating. But the time I was 13 I was overweight. It really affected my personal image. I hated looking at my body, I never bought new clothes. But finally I thought, I need to make a change. So I started eating healthier, drank skim milk instead of whole, ate 1/2 cup oatmeal for breakfast with whole wheat toast and apple butter. And a glass of water, and a glass of juice. Lunch was more of a snack. Carrot sticks, tuna with low cal mayo made from soy *yes it exists, no it's not bad, but it is an aquired taste*, and a bottle of water. Usually applesauce on the side. Then for dinner I had brown rice, which is VERY good for you, with long green beans, and a small portion of some kind of protein, usually poultry or fish. I almost NEVER ate eggs, because I learned that one egg contains enough cholesterol for your entire day.
Just in that change alone, I had lost most of the weight by the end of the school year. I was much happier, and looked healthier. To this day, my cholesterol has never been better.
I truly hope this helps. Again, I think your son needs a therapist. But I think a healthful lifestyle and diet change would be beneficial, not only could it motivate him to make other changes, it could also HELP prevent the risk of onset diabetes. It's not a cure, and it only helps. But it's better than nothing.

Answer 2

I think counseling involving assertiveness training would be helpful. I wish my folks had intervened when I was a kid, I have lifelong problems from being bullied. I hope you are working on the dieting and exercise thing, too. I read a study that said overweight kids have self-esteem on a par with kids going through chemotherapy, and you can't change society overnight and make them accept overweight, so it would probably help if he exercised more and you fed him less/had healthier snacks, cut out pop, etc. All that stuff. And you gotta be a good role model, too.

My advice: Assertiveness training & work on the weight issue (the discrimination in society is real, even if it is mean. And childhood overweight makes it even harder to keep weight off as an adult) He might need medication in the meantime, you should get a professional opinion on that.

I'm a tubby myself (but not really until I got into college) so I know weight loss is hard. (!!!) I'm now 42, so this is looking back, for me.

PS I saw you added more: I got bullied other places than school too, the groups that were the best were where the "smart" kids went-like theater, debate, etc. He's not old enuf for that yet, but when I was a debate coach, there were some really bullied kids who totally transformed in that program because the kids weren't all nasty. Debate was great for me, too, when I was in high school. How about a science museum program? A ham radio club? You know, a lot of clubs have junior members, too. An aquarium club I used to belong to had junior members. Then the kids have something in common & can make great friendships there. I'm hoping racial issues would be less there, too. Plus there won't be any cliques.

Answer 3

Bi polar depression often starts at the age of 9 or 10. Anger is sometimes a big part of this illness. Usually a person who is depressed has a hard time concentrating, forming thoughts, remembering. So to learn a religion is probably going to be tough. But any belief system such as buddhism have good things to live by, but please treat depression like an illness and get professional medical help if you haven't already. There is information and self help groups through the mood disorders association. Also I should mention that just plain clinical depression sometimes has an anger component also.

Answer 4

He needs some medical attention. I'm not saying pills and therapy are the only answers, but sometimes you need these things to 'get over the hump' when it comes to depression. Thoughts of suicide are a pretty strong warning sign, so take him to the doctor please.

Kids are just mean, and I'll tell ya -- I understand where the guy who said "home school" is coming from, but I also know from experience that not going to school can make a depressed child feel even more like a loser !! Boy was that a mistake, for us. And the sad thing is I bet your son, like mine, is just bored silly in school on top of being bullied. Private school might not be a bad idea, and before you laugh I gotta tell you how being poor was my daughter's ticket to an excellent education in a more structured environment with smaller classrooms. Private schools usually have scholarships available. My son turned out to be bipolar, he's finally working with tutors to get his GED but he's been out of school since your son's age.

You do need to find him something to do/study that he is really interested in because he will absolutely excel and that will help. Help him make gradual changes to his eating habits (how are YOUR eating habits???) and exercise, don't try to hit him up all at once with a plan just start with one tiny change at a time -- that's how you reach success.

Good luck, my heart goes out to you. Oh, and before you go to the doctor start making a journal of moods, 'events' that happen, and things he says, even the good stuff. It helps in narrowing things down for the doctor. And keep the journal going, if they try him on an antidepressant and he seems to get worse instead of better then pay attention to that and try to get a mood stabilizer instead. One step at a time, one medication at a time (some docs will throw in a mixture then you don't know what's doing what for him). Again I'm not saying there is a magic pill this kind of thing takes a lot of WORK but sometimes the right medication really can work magic so don't be afraid to get help.

Answer 5

Thats upsetting. Im sittin here worried myself and I dont know you or your son. I think you should have a long talk with him Really sit down. If you are Christian, read the bible with him. Im sure pslams will help. Pray also, prayer is very powerful. Let him know life is a beautiful gift, and shouldnt be wasted worrying about bullies and letting his grades slip. Having him talk to a therapist would probably be good also. Im sittin here about to cry almost because this is so sad. A movie with someone in his situation that finds a good outcome may be good also. I wish you both the best.

Answer 6

If your son is showing signs of suicide, steps need to be taken immediately so that he doesn't hurt himself. Professional help is needed most likely.

Then, once everyone is sure that he won't hurt himself, you can deal with the bully issues and even build his self confidence so that he can tap into his brainpower.

An article on teen suidcide
http://aacap.org/page.ww?section=Facts+for+Families&name=Teen+Suicide

Consider these national hotlines:
1-800-suicide
or see this website for more hotlines
http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

Most of all, be patient with him, support him while he gets help, and love him.

Answer 7

I had this same problem..I was bullied about my weight & didn't feel confident.. I went to a school psychologist & i felt really comfortable with her ,talked to her about everything & it helped me because she gave me feed back & i felt like someone actually cared.Try doing fun things with him like go to a ymca with him or put him in an after school activity & get him involved with other kids but asure him he doesn't have to change for anyone & you love him unconditionally.. & when he grows up someone else (like a girl) will love him no matter what flaws he has.. kids that are bulling him are insecure about them selves & feel better when they see ur son down. tell him that what those other children are doing is to make them selves feel better about their flaws & their dislikes about their own selves & for him not to pay no mind to what they say (just brush it off his shoulders). ( i know its hard to just ignore ; tell him to think about the good qualities in himself & not the ones he dislikes)

Answer 8

Take him to your general MD. If you cannot afford to go, call your emergency room and ask for the number of the free or sliding scale mental health clinic in your area (they are everywhere). If he is going to harm himself or anyone else, call 911 for an ambulance.

Answer 9

You need to pull him out of school ASAP, home-school him instead, and look into MOVING to a new place entirely different. A new outlook on EVERYTHING will probably lift his spirits tremendously. And ASK him what he feels about it first before actually moving. He may not want to.

Answer 10

tell him "God is enough for him, and all he needs in this world is God" it depends on how much faith you have on God your self, to make him believe. when i say God i don't mean Jesus, i mean God the creator of the Universe, the allmighty wise, the biggest helper, and most forgiving.
ps. if your kid makes it out, he's going to be a strong kid, really strong, what doesn't kill him can only make him stronger, nodoubt.