the childrens ages are 6(girl), 5(girl),4(boy), 3(girl), 15mths(boy)....it always seems as if the two oldest are constantly fighting...when they are not fighting w/each one is telling a younger sibling to say or do something they are not supposed to do....how do i punish without playing favorites his kids vs. mine?
2007-02-11 12:29:04 · 11 answers · asked by mamacita25 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You shouldn't be punishing, you should be occupying. This is a heck of a lot of kids and a tremendous stress on them. You must be paying attention to them, playing board games with the 3 - 6 year olds, taking walks with all of them, reading books to all of them, drawing, fingerpainting, doing playdoh with all of them.
Kids fight when they are bored and want your attention, and when they are working out the conflicts of the parents.
You've undertaken a huge thing and you must guide your kids to handling it. They don't have a clue how to cope with this. You could make something really wonderful if you and your fiancee guide them, lead the way. And whatever you do, stay together or break it off now, because they don't need to endure all the stress of bonding into a new family if you guys aren't committed to the long haul.
2007-02-11 12:46:53 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First relax, this is normal , i have a friend with the same situation.
I think there board. During the day make sure u have crafts and storys for time being.
Try to do things that involve team work, try a scavenger hunt where they have to hold hands of something. DO spend time with them individualy though.
Here comes the corny part- don't worry about the his verses mine thing. If they ever complain forget it, u sound like ur a good mom and know wats best 4 your kids.
Maybe make up a reward chart or a reward system for the telling on each other. Show them how awsome it is. But be firm about not being a push over and giving them things if they don't deserve it.
Strees that UR all 1 big family. The girls might like being a "mommy" while dad has time with the boy, or reverse.
Hope this helps!
2007-02-13 09:00:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a foster Mom this summer I faced this. "My" children (including birth children) included four five year old's, and as six year old (I had eleven total, thank goodness it was for a very short time, and I now have six kids total)...CPS took the children from a family like you are describing,. who could not get them under control.
The advice I give is first, to make sure that each child has specific "alone" time with each parent (birth or not).
Second, do things that encourage a sense of "family."
Third, never favor one child over another.
Fourth, never leave the children unattended. They will need constant supervision until they are well blended as a family.
Fifth, if at any time you see signs they are not doing well together, get family counseling...don't wait!
Sixth, join a large family support group. Most communities have them..use them!
As for how to punish without playing favorites..simply don't. Write out a list of rules and consequences (yes, little ones get it too with repetition) and post them. That way they know in advance, and it does not matter if the child is a birth child, or step.
And finally, there can not be any "His" or "Hers" they are both of your children. Treat them like birth children!!! I will be praying for you, and if you need more help you can email me!
Blessings of peace
2007-02-11 12:48:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to Wal-Mart, get each child a bike, probably 16" for the older two and a 12" for the younger. Then get them each a learning game system, with a game, like Leapster Lmax or V-smile. You could get the 6 year old a race set or any kind of trucks/cars/planes. The 5 year old, they like Barbies, Little Pet Shop, Bratz, etc. The 3 year old, train set would be neat. Then get a few board games. There's alot you can get these kids with $600 to make their Christmas magical. Good Luck & God Bless!
2016-05-23 23:07:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to make house rules that everyone must follow, such as using indoor voices, keep hands to my self, etc, etc. and go over them several times per day, reminding when bad behavior flares up. make sure your kids follow the same rules when your fiances kids arent there too so theres not this drastic change in rules when its time for a visit. Give everyone a quiet time too, designate a half hour or hour each day for everyone to do a quiet activity, (not tv time), when its clean up time, give each kid a job and let them accomplish it one at a time, not all together, as this serves only as distraction and a prime bickering match..this works really well for my fiance and me we have 5 kids too, 4 his and 1 mine. redirection and consistancy are key- dont threaten a consequence without following thru with it, even if it means staying home with 1 or 2 who couldn't behave while the others get to enjoy an activity.been 2 years and were still struggling, kids i didnt raise seem like theyre from another planet
2007-02-11 13:13:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take whatever space you have in the house and divide up part of it for the three older ones to have their very own spot.... all theirs!
I don't care if you just put up little half walls like an office cubicle, they need their own space. Let them decorate like they want, make it their own. If they have somewhere to call their own and spend some down time the conflict will lessen. Just make sure everyone honors everyone else's space, no going in there and messing up their stuff or they get time out each and every time. Hang in there for a couple of weeks, it should really pay off.
2007-02-11 12:39:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're bored. Read to them often. Make a special time for reading. Make another special time to color with them. Get the older ones to teach the younger ones how to do things. Reward the older ones when they are helpful and kind to the younger ones. Assign them chores to help with the workload--keep in mind a chore for a 4 year old is only something simple like picking up laundry. If you help them to function as a team together and reward them when they are peaceful they will be sure to prefer that routine to the old one.
2007-02-11 12:35:50 · answer #7 · answered by clever nickname 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Blessings on you! I would punish both parties for fighting and for telling/making the other say bad things. Then they wont tell the other or say what they shouldn't say and the fighting we hope will go away
2007-02-14 18:52:53 · answer #8 · answered by James S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call nanny 911
2007-02-11 12:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by Dakota 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put them in front of the tv and they will be angels.
2007-02-12 01:58:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋