What to do with a teenage boy who is defiant and tempermental.?

Question

I have a 14yr.old boy who is ADHD,defiant and tempermental.We try to disipline him and he fights us all the way.

Answer 1

My son is 16 and I have been where you are. He has always been a handful and life has been an interesting ride, but a few things worked for me.
He really needed routine...everything at about the same time(when possible), change seemed very difficult for him. Use timelines when possible(ex: tell him he has 15min before you will be back to check and see if he started his chore, then a consequence if not done) Do not argue with a teen....you will never win....barganing works better. Give him choices instead of orders so he feels like he has some control but not too many because that will overwhelm him. Praise his attributes(sometimes hard to find) and approach him positively....they sense fear and uncertainty and our moods seem to carry over. Try to keep things low key...household noise, T.V., can make things more intense. Diet is key....cut back on sugars...try a healthy menu and healthy snacks.
All of these things do work but are time consuming and take consistancy...your son will benefit.
I'm sure it sounds like I'm a totally passive parent but the 'do as I say' parenting doesn't work with certain children...I learned the hard way.
My son is no angel but things are manageable and much happier here. Remember that under all that bluster and rage is a scared kid who needs help with self control and needs your strength and love no matter how much it seems that he hates it.

Answer 2

I wish I could give you the right answer. I am a one on one Teacher's aide for a child who is pretty much the same as your son but he is a third grader. I try to come up with different strategies for positives and negatives but they don't ever work with him. He doesn't care. Have you gone to therapy or anything like that? Sometimes going to therapy might help him, but it's not promising. I hope you do find an answer too I'm sorry I'm not much help but I am understanding to where you are coming from but all I can think of is therapy or medication. I know some people are against the medication but that really might help. I don't think the discipling helps because after a while they don't care about anything you say.

Answer 3

My advice to you is to not only love your Son, unconditionally but,understand his situation, I know how it is with him, because I have a Grandson who is four yrs. old and lives in an Apartment we have in our backyard, with his parents and another little brother, who is a yr. and five mos. My oldest grandson, is ADHD, also, and he can turn from a loving little boy to a destructive one hitting, kicking and screaming anyone that gets in his way when he is in one of his bad moods. Some people that do not understand the situation think he is spoiled, because when he is in front of other people he does not behave, or would yell at my daughter, when she tries to tell him to behave. My daughter has talked to his Doctor about it and he told her that he was to young to be put in medication, that when he is Eight yrs. old he will be sent to get him evaluated to see what dosage his body will be able to take, to control his behavior. But in the meantime she will have to deal with his behavior until then. The only way we have been able to control his behavior is by telling him we Love him and that he is number one, and nobody else, that appeases him a lot, but we cannot take him not even to a Birthday Party, because he will have us running after him and no one will be able to have any fun. I know how hard it must be for you because your son is older than ours, only those people that know about this ADHD would understand it. I hope you will be able to find some help for your Son. I care.

Answer 4

My daughter, who has a friend with a much younger child with similar medical problems, advises that he will always be defiant and temperamental and needs the discipline. Unfortunately, you have been assigned a tough cross to bear. Best of luck on this one.

Answer 5

We wrote a contract with our "no it's not" child (we called him that because he said it so often)

In the contract, we laid out the kinds of things he might do that would be unacceptable. Then we laid out the kinds of punishments he would get for those types of infractions (not making bed = loss of television) Then when the infraction happened, he was confronted -- he had to choose how much tv he would lose.

7 years later, he told me that he thought it was lame that he got to choose his punishments... and I said, "But you always gave yourself more punishment than we would have, and when you decided how much, you cooperated!" Ten years later, at 24 years old, he has decided we weren't so lame after all.

I know that with his diagnosis, it seems over the top, but most 14 year old boys are unmanagable monsters... worthy of chains, bread and water. But the fact is that he will grow out of it.

Answer 6

Have you tried changing his diet to cut our sugar, caffeine and preservatives? These simple changes in diet have helped other families in similar circumstances greatly.

Answer 7

Hug him, tell him that you love him. be positive, loving, and understanding. Don't fight with him, just show him the love that he deserves. Life is too short.

Answer 8

Military school...