How can I tell my mom?

Question

I'll admit it, I'm screwed up.
I'm a mess right now.
I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm a... cutter.
I told my mom to get me a phsycologist (I didn't tell her why),
but she doesn't seem to realize how badly I need it. I'm actually asking for help. I don't want to get into it with her, if I did, I don't think I'd need a phsycologist. And it seems like nobody wants to help me. I've asked the 2 people I'm closest to: my ex and my best friend of 4 years. I don't kjnow what's up with my ex, when he talked to me, it was so insincere, he sounded like Dr. Phil, like he was patronizing me (he doesn't care anymore, he hasn't talked to me in a week.) My 'best friend' and I had problems, but it's not as bad now, but she doesn't realize that she shouldn't yell at me for all of this stuff I'm going through. She only made it worse. So did my ex. I just want to tell my mom about what I do so she will be serious about getting me a phsycologist. I've already begged her multiple times. What should I say to ger?

I am fat. I'm 5'1.75" and I weigh 180lbs.

Answer 1

Yeesh what a pain your mom sounds like. Same with mine, i'll ask her a simple question, like "where's a pen?" and i'll get "why" and "what do you need it for" before I get an answer.

I think the best thing to do is come clean with your mom, if you can't trust her who can you trust? She want to know why you want a psychologist so you're going to have to give her a reason. I'm sure she will support you, and won't tell anybody else.

Answer 2

Most people think the problem will go away, or think it's stupid and you will just grow out of it. Others just get disturbed by it and hope that YOU will go away. In reality you just need someone to take you seriously and listen intently to what you have to say and offer you some advice that you can follow so you find your way back to the centered part of yourself and stop feeling so bad all the time.

Most of all you need a good shot of positive reinforcement for yourself. You need to like yourself, stop thinking of yourself as fat, stop thinking of yourself as ugly, stop thinking what others think of you - and just live positively for the day without any worries.

If you want to be tortured, then at least make it pleasurable and turn it into a fetish and get into the S&M scene instead. Find a compatable partner and have some fun instead!

In the meantime, suggest a girl's nite with your mom, and tell her you just want some time together with her and no other distractions for a while. Then while you have the time with her, TALK. Talk about anything and everything. If she yells at you about anything, dont get mad or sad, just say calmly "Mom, I need help. I need a psychatrist or somebody like that. I dont know what to do. That's why I am asking you." Maybe she will understand. Maybe not. BUT you have to try.

Answer 3

Don't listen to the above guy.. that is such a condescending answer. I've never been in your situation, so I don't have a grasp on it, but will answer from what I do see.

Personally, if a child (or anyone) asks for help, they are asking for a reason. You wanting to help yourself is probably one of the best things you can do. When you told her you wanted to go, if she asks why- I would tell her because you are going thru some things that you need help with. If she doesn't take that for an answer then be honest with her. If she still refuses to schedule you an appointment, I would look for various help online. There are several places you can find with numbers of people who are wanting to help you. There should be places where you live that are open and free for you to come in and talk with someone.

Let me make this clear to everyone else who want's to put something patronizing here- Everyone has their problems, and we all deal with it differently. You have no room to judge anyone else, and frankly, if you don't have any relevant / decent advice, then you shouldn't be here in the first place.

I hope this helped some. =)

Answer 4

It sounds like your mom isn't ready to face your problems, so I think you should talk to someone at school (a favorite teacher, nurse, counselor). They will get you to the help you need. Once your mother hears that you need help (from someone else), she might realize how severe this is. Group therapy could be really helpful to you right now, you'll see that you are not alone with your issues. You're brave for reaching out for help, I have been where you are and I wish you all the love and luck in the world.

Answer 5

Write your Mom a letter and say exactly what you said here. She may freak and not act like you want her to but she most likely will get you help. Also maybe talk to a counselor at school.

With your Mom expect lots of tension. I went through similar things when I was 14 and my mom freaked and really blamed herself. It is really terrifying for a parent to realize their child is in pain and they feel so helpless. Tell her first it's not "her" fault but you want need help and why.

Good luck. PS you probably aren't as fat as you think you are or ugly. We all go through that. When I look back to how fat I actually was I wish I was that fat now. (I am way bigger than I was then)

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear that the ones you confided in where not helpful. I don't know you but I'm very proud of you for asking for help .. Even though your mother did not take your matter as seriously as she should have, try again. Try explaining to her what you feel. (especially how her not taking you seriously made you feel.) If that doesn't work go to someone at school (or work). Many schools offer counselors to talk to. They may not be the person you ultimately want to talk to, but they will be able to help you convince your mom of the seriousness of your problem and they may be able to suggest a psychologist that will be best for you. Good luck!

Answer 7

Tell her that you need someone to talk to. You've been thinking about a lot lately and you're having a lot of problems. tell her that your self esteem has gone way down the tube. If she asks about why or anything tell her not to take it personally but its hard to talk to a parent about things like this. Tell her that you're life is really messed up right for reasons you don't want to tell anyone else about. hope that helps.

Answer 8

I'm a mother of 2 grown boys. I had the same thing with one of them. Just sit down and talk to your mother. If she does not listen to you to get you help, then talk to a teacher at school. If none of that works look in the phone book for mental heatlh clinics and call one yourself. Good luck. But remember you are asking for help and if your mother want help you just do it yourself.

Answer 9

You can get free counseling at school. Just go to the office and talk to a counselor. They have training in psychology and can help you figure out what to do or how to tell your mom. There are hotlines you can call also.

Answer 10

FEAR NOT!!!!! Here's what you need to do.
First off, let's deal with your mom. She's not getting that you need help right? Don't let that stop you. Go to the school councelor, if you can convince him, he'll TELL your mom that you need to see someone about this. Sweety you shouldn't hurt yourself. Being fat doesn't make you ugly. You're hurting right now, and you even recognize that you need help. That's a good sign. You want to change. Sometimes parents just don't get it you know? It's hard to get the point across to them without giving away those details that you don't feel comfortable with. Othertimes they're just in denial, or they're so wrapped up in their images they don't realize how stubborn they're being. Talk to you councelor. And try again with your mom just tell her "there I things I need help with. The kind of help I need is from a professional. This is really hard for me to talk to you about. But you have to take my word for it, I KNOW I need help, I'm reaching out here." If THAT doesn't work. Talk to your doctor. Your doctor can recommend someone. In my case, she sat me down and talked to me about what was on my mind before recommending someone.
As for your weight. Let's see, you're 5'1 and only 20 heavier than I was at 4'9". Granted, I'm taller, however I only just had that last growth spurt. I manged almost 165 to 110 in about a year, maybe a year and a half. I'll tell you how I did it. In case it interests you.
I stopped drinking all soda, including diet, until I was weened from it. To this day, I only have it occasionaly. Drink about 8 glasses of 8 oz of water. But DON'T over do it on the water, especially if you aren't used to drinking water. You have to ease yourself into it. That alone took about 15 pounds from me. I ate more complex carbs *whole wheat bread, oats, oatmeal, etc.* for breakfast i ate things like Oatmeal, and whole grain wheat toast with apple butter. And juice. Carbs are good, especially in the morning. They provide the necessary glucose for your brain to funtion at a healthy level. Make lunch more of a snack, start the day with a bigger meal than lunch and dinner because that's when you'll be using it for fuel. For dinner, try to focus your meal on carbs again. Brown rice is always a good option, and it's very good for you. Small servings of protien coupled with this is a good idea. Try not to eat anything after 9pm, you'll be going to bed soon after that, and you will probably not be using much energy, so it will just be stored as adipose tissue *fat*. You don't have to go running, or go through intense training. Just make sure you're moving around throughout the day to use the fuel you've put into your body. It is unhealthy to consume less than 1000 calories a day. But I highly doubt, if you make sure you have a breakfast and dinner, that that could happen. You won't lose weight IMMEDIATELY but it will happen. You'll feel healther too just in eating better. Skim milk, likewise, is healther than whole milk. And soy and tofu products aren't as icky as everyone says. I'm now lactose intolerant, so most of my calium fortified nutrition comes from tofu and soy. Miso soup is very healthy, one bowl is 60 calories tops, and it will fill you up.
I hope you are able to get the help you need. And I hope my food advice helped a bit. Remember that being fat most certainly does not mean you're ugly. And also remember beauty is only skin deep. I grew up reminding myself of that. There was a time when looking in the mirror made me cry. But now I can see myself as pretty, no matter what people think. And that has made the biggest difference for me.
I wish you well and the best.
If you ever just need to vent, I allow people to e-mail me.
Good luck with your mother