I have a terrible urge to write a very bad letter?

Question

Ok - I have mentioned my creationist relatives before - for those of you in America its probably not that unusual. I live in the UK where it is unusual to have a relative that is a practicing moderate so they are very very rare when they come that fanaticle.

Here is my problem, it wasnt until I met them (when I was 16) that I started to question my beliefs. I just couldnt justify what I believed with anything close to what they believed. I have followed my questioning down the years and am now very happily Pagan. I have healed any bad feelings I have for them and no longer get angry when I think about how they feel about just about everything.

However the urge persists to write them a letter to thank them for their help on putting me on the path to Paganism. They would be horrified but at least they might stop sending me christmas cards and letters with lots of bible verses in. All of them are in a context I wouldnt have agreed with even when I was Christian.

What do I do?

By the way they dont even know I'm not Christian anymore.

What gave you the impression that I want to be rude? I feel quite bad that they dont know - I feel like I am lying to them and I dont like the fact that I feel like I am decieving them I have in the past answered questions with answers that would lead them to think I am Christian and this makes me feel very uncomfortable - I am actually quite greatful as well but I know they wouldnt understand that or take it very well.

As for causing any sort of rift in the family that whole side of the family disowned me for most of my life because i was born outside of marrage (and the product of an affair) The only person it affects is me, I have no siblings and they certainly dont talk to anyone else in my family. So it is just me they talk to and only me it would affect.

I feel horid if I dont tell them and I feel horrid if I do - I already wrote a couple of letters and threw them away a couple of years ago but I still want to tell them ARGH why is this so hard?

Answer 1

I have a similar situation with an aunt of mine. I guess it depends how much it would bother you if they were out of your life. Or - it could have the opposite effect. They might try harder to bring you back to Jesus.

Go ahead and write the letter, but don't send it yet. Think about the consequences and if you're ready for them. If you don't mind what could happen, send it. If not, burn it. Either way - at least the act of writing the letter will be gratifying.

Answer 2

I suppose it depends. Do you really enjoy being within spitting distance of a thermonuclear explosion? ;-)

If you're seriously thinking about sending them a letter that would upset them that much, I'd say you're not as over your bad feelings as you think you are. Whatever you do, just be prepared to weather the consequences of your actions. (Myself, I lived with having a born-again Christian sister-in-law for many years, and when she sent me Christian material I just quietly popped it into the trash. I didn't see the point in hurting her feelings or creating a rift in the family that would cause rancor for years to come.)

EDITED based on the additions to the question: If they've already disowned you and the rift in the family is already in place, then perhaps you should look at the matter in utilitarian terms. Will sending the letter increase the overall level of dissatisfaction/bad feelings, or decrease it?

By that criterion, sending a letter that does not specifically mention Paganism but which politely and firmly tells them that you are not a Christian and don't appreciate being spammed would probably be the best way to go, if you judge that writting the letter will bring about the least level of overall bad feelings in the long run. It will bring you relief both in terms of your personal honor and in terms of receiving Christian material, and (hopefully) not shock them too badly.

Answer 3

is the letter so bad? Do not write the letter to make them feel bad, but to tell your point of view. it is unlikely for them to stop sending you Christmas cards and stuff since i have had your problem before, and my christian relatives still send me that stuff. It might be in the nature for them to be horrified, but if they really do love you as they should, They will get over this and still consider you as family. Send the letter if you want to.

I would like to tell everyone that she did not ask for you to tell her about "jesus being the answer" with he may/may not be, but just if she should write the letter or not.

Answer 4

If your bad feelings toward them have truly healed, you wouldn't even think about writing a letter that would upset them so much. If you only want them to stop sending you Christmas cards, you can always politely request that they stop. Although, it's pretty easy to just throw them away and not even bother talking to them.

I agree with the previous person--write the letter, then toss it. As annoying as they might be, there's no need to send a nasty letter.

Answer 5

It's good to be honest but that doesn't mean it has to be a "bad" letter. George Eliot had to tell her father when she was 19 that she had lost her faith. He was furious and disappointed but he learned to deal with it - though poor Marian had to attend church with the family for appearance's sake until she left home.

Just tell them politely that you no longer have any Christian belief, that you've found your own way that makes you happy and that you hope they'll understand, love and respect you as before. They may, they may not (and I do realize how distressing this is going to be to a relative to whom Christianity is VERY important). You should say that although you realize that their verses and blessings are meant with kindness, they have no meaning for you, and should not be included in future.

It'll be harder than that, so good luck.

Answer 6

Write the letter, as an exercise to vent the anger.
Do not send it.
Burn the letter when complete, and let your anger go up in smoke.
Your expectations of perfection are misguided, hence your disappointment and emotional upset.
Expecting perfection for the imperfect will always lead to disappointment. Then frustration. then anger, and bitterness will follow.

Jesus is still the answer. Your Bible can teach you about Him if you pray and ask God to reveal Himself to you through it.

Answer 7

If it was me, I would write them the letter, it will make you feel better at least. However, even if you do tell them you're a Pagan now, fundie types will still send you Christian greeting cards.

Answer 8

I would not recommend this. Paganism is not an "in your face relgion".

Just send them "Yule" cards without bothering to tell them that yule is the pagan term.

I'd recommend being polite when people give you verses whatever. Not to polite but not rude.

Being a pagan, does not mean you need to be rude.

Answer 9

for my section, good used, I see no difficulty with masturbation. Likewise, in and of itself I see truthfully no longer something incorrect with intercourse in any of its types. the place it turns into sinful is purely what you reported, the place lust enters in. while people have intercourse with out love relationship, then it is not something extra that utilising the different guy or woman for his or her very own earnings. Then they're treating the guy as an merchandise... a element on your guy or woman very own satisfaction. In so some distance as intercourse with yet another it makes no distinction if there is mutual consent.... this is purely 2 people utilising one yet another for his or her very own earnings. despite if the guy isn't bodily there as in masturbation, in case you're utilising porn or visualizing a undeniable guy or woman then you are treating that guy or woman as an merchandise. So the secret's to no longer use porn and not visualize a undeniable guy or woman.

Answer 10

Why does it have to be a "bad" letter? Can't you write a mature letter where you state that you have parted with their views and that you would hope they can't respect your differences? What makes you want to get nasty with them?