How do I tell my friend she is endangering her kids?

Question

Ok, I have this friend and her and I have 2 children each who are the same age. Our sons are 5 and our daughters are 8.5 months. I already put my daughter into a convertable car seat and she is still "searching"for the one that she really wants. The thing is our babies are 24-25 pounds (big girls). She still has her daughter in an infant car seat and she is getting ready to buy her convertable car seat. She is going to put her foward facing cause "it is easier on her" I know that the law says they have to be 1 yr AND 20lbs and my daughter IS rear facing in her big girl car seat. She says she doesnt care and that the baby will be fine, but I really care about her kids. Also her son should still be in a booster seat (he just turned 5) and she has had him out of his car seat since the baby was born because she says "2 car seats take up too much space". I have looked up all the laws and regulations online and fowarded them to her and she still doesnt get it. How do I tell her she is wrong

Answer 1

Ultimately, it is up to her. (unless you want to call the cops on her).

I followed everything by the book. My son stayed rear facing until he was 1, although he was over 20 pounds before that age.

Is she a safe driver? How long has she been driving? Does she ever drive slightly drunk or really tired with her kids? Has she ever been in an accident?

If you can find accident reports, or studies that show how much of a difference it can make, she may give in. No one wants their child to die. or get seriously injured. And studies have shown that babies are safest in the rear-facing position.

"Currently, it's twenty pounds AND one year. The reason is because, no matter what size the baby, the neck muscles are insufficiently developed to handle the impact of a car crash while forward facing. "

Sorry I can't find more info to help.

Answer 2

My boys liked boosters when they were older - the neighboring state requires them until age 8 and I didn't know why my boys didn't deserve that - because they could see out the window better.

All you can do is give her the information (once) and remember that when I was a kid, there weren't even seat belts in cars. Yes, lots of kids died, but not all. Odds are, her kids will be okay.

There will be many ways you differ from your friends' parenting over the years. You are trying to call endangering something that is so picayune and fine tuning of all we do in this country to keep our kids super safe.

It's silly, really, this obsession with minutae, until the critical stuff is met - breastmilk on demand for at least two years, no separation from mommy in the first few years, no leaving a child to cry, good sympathetic interactions with the child, a solid home life.

You have to respect your friend's right to make other choices, evaluate what if anything is a deal breaker on the friendship, and make sure you don't let her drive your kids around.

Answer 3

you already have told her she is wrong and she doesn't want to listen. I would say one last comment to her like " this is the last i will say about it, however I really care about you and your children. I am afraid that without car seats/improper fitting ones they could be seriously hurt god forbid you were in an accident. Also I really do not want to see you get a ticket or have child services at your door, if you were to get pulled over". That being said all you can do is let her make the decision, you can't make her listen! If you say it with care and concern and do not point fingers (too much) she can't get too mad.

good luck

Answer 4

She is really endangering her kids. It doesn't matter how safe a driver you are it is the other idiots on the road you have to look out for. And no defensive driving can not always protect you. If you are stopped at an intersection and a car behind you doesn't stop your choices are get rear-ended AND possibly t-boned, or pull forward and definitly get T-boned.

It is abuse and you need to call the authorities, both legally and morally you must report her. It will be anonymous.

Answer 5

All you really can do you have already done. Now just pray that everything IS all right.
I had similar problems a few years ago with a friend of mine. When the children are in your car, you can and should require at a minimum what the state does. It's the only time you really CAN do anything.

Answer 6

I had the same problem, I told my friend that when our kids got together, they all became heathens and didn't watch out for the baby. I asked her what we could do to fix the problem together. I placed half the blame on my kids for diplomacy, but lost her as a friend anyway. It's turned out for the better, and my kids are happier with their mom's new friends' kids. You can always start putting the offending children in timeout or whatever, take control of the situation when YOU are there, because she obviously won't or can't do it.

Answer 7

Get her to go with you to a Sherriff's office and both get your seats checked out for safety together. He or She might be able to explain it better. Besides if she gets pulled over it is a ticket or worse for child endangerment.

Answer 8

You cant force her to understand regrettably the only way she may work it out is when there is an accident and her kids pay the price.

Answer 9

You already said that you mentioned something to her. Now leave it alone. All you will do is break apart your relationship with her. If enough people mention it to her seperately then perhaps she will get it, but if one person is harping on it she will think they are putting down her parenting skills.