My 12 year old is chubby. Should I send her to a therapist?

Question

She'a about 10 punds over her ideal weight. I told her if she doesn't shap up for her own good then I would send her to a therapist. Am I wrong or right in doing so?

Answer 1

LOL. It looks like she is already starting to practice for her career in the circus one day. At least she's not going through menopause. Gee, Gus, you've got a LOT of daughters!

Answer 2

I understand your concern but I think your approach is wrong. It's almost impossible for a 12 year old to realize what is for their own good - all they know is they need loved and accepted just the way they are. I don't think she needs a therapist. Don't make this a bigger problem than it is - 10 pounds is easy to deal with. Before anything else I would be careful to make sure she feels loved just the way she is - the last thing you want to do is get her too focused on her weight and what she looks like - you don't want her to end up with an eating disorder, I would stop putting so much focus on what she looks like. You can put her on a diet without her even knowing it - limit any inactivity - make T.V. and computer time a luxury - don't have unhealthy food in the house, limit sugary drinks (or even better, do away with them completely). Children are very fragile at this age - I was like your daughter when I was growing up and my mom was like you - I spent many many years thinking that my mom didn't love me because I wasn't skinny enough (I now know that she was just concerned and was trying to help but at the time I felt very ugly and unloved) you might actually be making the problem worse, perhaps causing her to emotionally eat (a brownie will never tell you to shape up or you're going to a therapist) you might want to undo any harm you have caused by apologizing to her - you can tell her you are sorry for making a big deal about the way she looks - tell her you were wrong, tell her she is beautiful just the way she is, talk about her inner beauty and ask her to forgive you. I would then implement a healthier lifestyle without ever saying anything to her about it. If all you have in the house is healthy food she won't have any choice but to eat healthier. If her T.V. and computer time is limited, she won't have any choice but to get up and do something. Another tip, make sure all eating is done at the table, if you are truly hungry you won't mind sitting at the table and eating - no eating in front of the T.V. - that might help.

Answer 3

A Therapist is probably not needed for only 10 pounds unless her pediatrician is concerned. However, I feel it is necessary to point out again that she didn't gain the extra weight on her own - i have struggled with weight issues myself since age 9 and grew up in a household that ate dessert with every meal and to not clean your plate was considered a felony! The entire household needs to shape up both diet-wise and with regular exercise - does she play video games? maybe the DDR (Dance, Dance Revolution) will help - at 28 and 3 kids later, i dropped 13 pounds playing this game for just 30 mins 3 times a week. what about team sports? if you're financially strapped there are lots of agencies out there to assist with enrolling her in an activity. if she is happy and healthy though, you've won half the battle.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Number 1. 10 lbs overweight is not a bad thing, keep afterher like my father did and you will have a child who has a bad self image and issuses with weight control and body image for the rest of her life. She is 12 TWELVE, her body is groing and changing give her a break.
Your responsibility is to provide fruits veggies, lean meants, healthy choices at home for her to eat and drink and to encourage her to get out and ride a bike or roller blade or whatever.
Dont threten her with therapist, however she may want to see a thearapist for what you are putting her thru.
Perhaps you need some counseling and therapy on how to deal with your child

Answer 5

It takes a role model.. do you exercise with her? You could both go walking everyday or find a workout to do each day as well. I think you are going to have to send her to a therapist.. but it due to the fact you are giving her a complex and making her have low self esteem. Love your child no matter what and quit thinking about what she should look like to you. Has she started her period.. this can add weight to a child. I am not sure what goes through people minds these days. But it is not anything to do with the child and how they feel anymore.

Answer 6

Geez..... talk about going about things the wrong way. Sorry to be harsh but, really....

How 'bout doing things in a *positive* way. Being positive usually yields positive results. Being negative will only frustrate her and she'll think the whole thing is hopeless so why bother. You want her to have a POSITIVE image of her body and a healthy relationship with food. So.....

Start by getting the junk food out of your house. This is YOUR responsibility---not hers. Stop buying snacks with processed sugar and fats. Instead stock the house with apples, oranges, bananas, pears, baby carrots with light ranch dressing.....

Pack her a lunch every day. Do not let her buy lunch at school.... Unfortunately, school lunches are currently crap.

Take a walk with her every day.... if you do it with her it will be a good chance for you both to have a little one on one time, and if she sees *you* doing something good for yourself, exercise will seem more like a natural part of both of your lives to her. OR get her involved in a school sport or something where she is active on a regular basis. Limit TV to 1-2 hours a day.

Encourage her to only eat when she's hungry....
Do this subtly.... Teach her to feel what it is to eat when you are hungry, and what it feels like when you're just eating because you're bored. Ban eating in front of the TV. Make it a new rule that eating takes place at the table. This will stop 90% of "mindless snacking"

She is only 12----You can't just tell her "shape up" and expect her to know what to do. You're her mom---it's your job to guide and teach her. What is important is not those 10 lbs. but helping her to grow into a woman who has a healthy relationship with food.

Answer 7

You, she, and your family should work on eating healthier together. The diet of most 12 year olds can leave a lot to desire. Be sure that she has ready access fresh fruit for snacks, prepare veggies with every meal, eat out less, and encourage her to get 6 - 8 glasses of water per day.

Also be sure to find some time to squeeze in some physical activity a few times a week. Just what they getin P.E.class is nowhere near enough exercise.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

You are wrong. At twelve years old, your daughter is ready to start taking responsibility for her own health. If you "send her to a therapist", you are teaching her not take this responsibility, which will surely be detrimental to her health in the long run.

Take a step back, and ask yourself two questions. Is your daughter, in fact, unhealthy at her current weight? Her pediatrician can advise you on this point, and since "ideals" are based on averages, you might well be surprised by the answer. Secondly, are you serving as a good role model, and providing a healthy environment for her? If you are overweight yourself, or if you provide her with lots of high calorie foods that she has trouble resisting, you should start by changing your own eating and/or shopping habits. By your good example in taking responsibility for your own actions, you can teach your daughter to take responsibility for herself.

Answer 9

Absolutely NOT.. you need to give your daughter the message that her weight does not equate with her worth. You walk on dangerous ground here - you can give your daughter self-esteem issues that will affect her self image and impact her life decisions in years to come. At the risk of sounding sarcastic, I'd recommend you go to a therapist to discuss why weight is such an issue for you. 10 pounds is not an problem. Showing your daughter that you love her for what she is, is the most important responsibility you have.

Answer 10

Therapy is for people who have emotional problems that cannot deal with. Since you are the mother, perhaps you need to either purchase and fix healthier meals or go to a nutritionist and be instructed on healthier choices so that "you" can take control of the situation.
Unless your child is a compulsive overeater, has bulimia or another eating disorder, she doesnt need to see a therapist.

Answer 11

Wrong. You're setting her up for all sorts of issues. You just may push her into anorexic or bulemic disorders. or issues with self esteem, other psychological disorders.

If you need to send her to a professional, make an appointment with a dietitian. TAKE her there, and pay attention. A child's weight has a lot to do with how the parents feed her.