Why are most weddings entirely about the bride and her ego, rather than the COUPLE that has chosen to marry?

Question

All my friends who have gotten married have chosen big weddings, and with few exceptions the day has been almost exclusively about the bride. many couples, after getting engaged, have sent annoucement emails with a picture OF THE RING...not the happy couple who has just decided to spend their lives together. the wedding planning process consists almost entirely of the bride envisioning her day- not THEIR day. this phenomenon is illustrated in an exteme way by the show "bridezillas".

another interesting footnote to this observation is what I have coined "post wedding depression" where the bride no longer has a big climax to look forward to and realizes that marriage beyond her wedding "dog and pony show" is quite unexceptional. Finally, there is a billboard I pass each day on my way to work...advertising a wedding facility . the bride's image appears on the billboard twice, but the grooms image is on the edge and half of his face is cut off. What is up with this????

Answer 1

I have found that with my upcoming wedding I have had to do most of the planning, not that I want to, my fiance has to work long hours and than when he does get home he has his homework to do,plus his side business, so the planning has been thrown on me. I try to get him involved but its always "I don;t want to talk about it now", and my freinds who have been planning their wedding run into the old "what ever you want" so its not always the brides wanting to be in control and it seeming about her, it more like its pushed upon us by the guys

Answer 2

It's society.. People are raised to believe that is the way it works. The wedding is about the bride. Whether it stems from back when there were still dowries. It should truly be about the groom and the bride, not completely one sided. Unfortunately it isn't normally well balanced. It could be also because culturally, or at least it used to be the cultural norm, the bride's family paid for the wedding, therefore they were throwing a wedding for their daughter not their future son-in-law.

Answer 3

I'm engaged right now, and I want the wedding to be about me and my fiance. It is hard though, since I am the one planning everything and making most of the decisions. I think typically the bride does most of the planning so it tends to be all about her. I wish I could share all of the wedding hassels with my fiance, but I have figured out that he doesn't really care about the planning, and just wants to see me happy. I hope that I can plan a wedding that is about us and not just me. If I become a bridezilla I hope to GOD someone slaps me back into reality. That said, it SHOULD definitely be about the couple, not just the bride.

Answer 4

It seems as if this has gotten worse in the last 25 yrs. or so. When I first married 48 yrs. ago, I borrowed my gown from 1 girl, my veil from another, attached my bouquet to a white Bible which belonged to my sister & had the reception at my parents' home. This was not unusual back then. It was a beautiful Church wedding. Oh yes, My Mom made a beautifull wedding cake so the only real expenses were for flowers, attendants' gifts, & refreshments. We gave the minister $5 & he sent it back a week later explaing that the wedding was his gift to us as we were both members of that church. Granted, things are more expensive today than then but costs can & should be kept to a minimum as much as possible & the bride should realize that it is not her right or priveledge to demand that so much money be spent for just 1 day for her. Most of these girls seem to either put themselves & new husbands in enormous debt or to d--- near put their parents in the poor house. It isn't right, fair nor moral.

Answer 5

American culture over the generations always emphasize that it's the bride's day and nobody will ruin it. It's been engrained in the heads of little girls before they're even old enough to understand sex and love about the role and responsibility of a wife. They always make it a big deal over the bride because according to what you see she's the center of attention and the star of the show. I think many overpriced weddings are more of a status thing for the parents than their children getting married. I had two friends who didnt even bother to have weddings they eloped because what's the point of spending money for everything from the bridal party attire to the venue to where your wedding/reception is to be held at. That's what people fail to realize that once the party and honeymoon is over that's when you start to see the reality of your role as a wife and your fiance's role as a husband come into reality. It's sad for one day to become so commercialized that we lose sight on the real meaning and purpose of marriage. Some women put on that show so it makes her parents look good in the financial department of how much he/she(in reference to divorced parents) or they(if parents are still together) spent on their daughter's one day. Again in American culture it's all about the bride the groom is secondary to the bride looking radiant in her white gown(too bad so many non virgin women are being seen wearing white when they need to go wear non white to mark their unpure or broken in status).

I've watched Bridezillas on WE and some of those females need to be slapped since one chick who was a roaring b*tch took out a second mortgage on her house to pay for her wedding(totally nuts), One bride who was a lawyer from Texas spent about $120,000 for hers and acted like a real b*tch especially when she totally cut her mother down to her shoes about the dress she was going to wear and was so abrasive that one of her bridesmaids ditched her a week before the wedding. Another bride was so nasty to everyone she even had her fiance in tears. It's just to the point that some brides take it a step further trying to be more about a show than solidifying a life long commitment to someone.

Answer 6

My thoughts exactly.... Too many people are focused on the wedding and reception when it comes to it, and the day after are left wondering what the hell did we just do. There is a multi-billion dollar wedding industry out there that helps out in this, thus why a bride comes across this way as well.

Answer 7

This is a cultural thing. Plus wedding shops, caterers, etc. know that women do most of the planning and shopping, so they promote this as being the bride's big day. Wise couples don't get involved with all the commercialism, they have a ceremony which is truly meaningful to them.

Answer 8

the trouble is most brides do all the planning, if i even bring up the wedding with my fiance i get the - what ever you want, i'll just show up on the day - line. if the groom got more involved it would be a start. the only thing my groom to be has talked about is that he doesn't want to wear a monkey suit.

men....

Answer 9

Women think about their wedding day starting when they are 12 years old. Thins is a dream come true for her. Our culture has made the idea of concentrating on the bride okay.

Answer 10

I agree that the whole "wedding event" has taken away from the actual committment ceremony of a marriage. I can only speak for myself, my fiance and I are trying to make it about our future marriage. Honestly I will be glad when the "day" is over and we can begin our lives officially together. Weddings have become commericalized like Christmas. It has lost its meaning and shows like Bridzillas only perpetuate it.