how do i respond?

Question

a friend of mine just got out of a 2 year engagement, so to help cheer him up my dumb idea was to go out to a bar. we had a blast, he got along well with my friends and their friends. he ended up driving me home and before i got out of the car, he kissed me. now he's texting me all the time, saying i'm cute and how he likes being around me. i'm just not interested and i don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. he's entirely vulnerable and the last thing i want is him hurting himself. anybody have any kind of advice?!

Answer 1

Your empathy and compassion are very
apparrent.
You don't want to hurt him, but mostly, you
don't want to hurt yourself.
You need to resolve this quickly so that you
won't have this burden to carry, and he can
continue his search for happiness.
These things don't get resolved over the
phone or by texting very readily.
You need to have a heart to heart talk with
your friend.
Chose a mutual place to meet or even the
same bar you went to before.
Invite him to meet you there.
Know what you need and have to tell him
before hand, so that you won't loose your
resolve.
Have a couple of drinks if you need to, to
soften the edge.
After the conversation starts between you
two, find a spot to declare your independ-
ence. It will happen after the part where he
will tell you how much he likes you and wants
to be around you.
Wait until he's finished.
Have another drink if you need to but begin
your declaration.
Tell him how flattered you are for his taking
interest in you but that you feel that this is all
wrong for you, that,this is not what you want.
You are not the one he's looking for.
Tell him that hurting his feelings is the last
thing you want to do.
Apologize to him if he feels you misled him.
Tell him that what you did is what good friends
do for one another. You just wanted to be
there for a friend in need.
If he is your friend, like you say he is, he will
understand you predicament.
He will be the gentleman that we know he is
and deliver you from your torment.
He will accept your compassionate rejection
of his advances towards you, and he will
respect your wishes.
Who knows, this may strengthen your friend-
ship and may be the friendship of a life time.
As everyone knows, good and solid friend-
ships are extremely hard to find.
I sincerely hope that you fare well in your
resolve to achieve peace of mind.
It won't be easy, I know, but it needs to be
done.
I'm hoping that I was of some help to you.

Answer 2

Hey there Isadora, Rana has already told me what happened and that you both agreed to call a truce, which i am really glad. She is a wonderful friend and i hated to see her or anybody else hurt. However the second part of yr q, i went back and reread all the answers twice and i cannot see anybody calling u such a terrible name. Pls Isadora, don't pick another fight let us have some peace in this section again. BTW it takes great strength to say yr sorry and i highly appreciate this from you. edit: Isadora, i never accused you of anything, and i don't think anybody who reads what u just wrote wud either, u have cleared everything up and had the guts to say what u did and didn't do. It is just that i have answered u in rana's q before that u have to take things with a bit more leniency for yr sake before anybody else. I never meant to make you sad either that was not my intention so, just cheer up.

Answer 3

Is it possible that you are reading too much in the kiss? He may just have been thanking you for being so kind and helping him over this hurdle. Be a friend but don't read into it something that may not be there. You don't want to catch him on the rebound. That's the worst kind.

Answer 4

Be honest and frank to him and tell him nicely that you only took him out to the bar to try to cheer him up and make him forget about the engagement. Tell him you're still he's friend. You did the right thing. Remember that he kissed you while drinking.

Answer 5

If he has recently just got out of a relationship, his still in the state of confusion and yes he will be very vulnerable, but know this, it will take time for him to go through the emotions of acceptance and to do that... he will need all his closest friends with him, to support him...

No doubt, he is looking for company, but it seems like that his mixing up with a friends company with a girlfriends company... You will need to talk to him about this, otherwise it will ruin your friendship...

You must know that, he will probably not listen or take anything in when you talk about this, but you need to be patient and not run away... time will allow him to accept what has happened and from there, he will slowly heal again... if you really care, talk to him and don't run away... trust me, this will be really hard.

Good luck.

Answer 6

sit and explain to him that he just got out of a long relationship and you don't want to be the rebound. the rebound person always ends up getting hurt and you don't want to do that. and that if he still feels the same a few months down the road then maybe things will be different.

Answer 7

oh no thats not good when he text you text back lol we are best friends silly I would never do anything to mess that up.and you should have never kissed him yuck I can't imagine kissing my best friend.anyway its done but you better fix it quick before more feeling get involed cuase in the end you will not be friends

Answer 8

tell him anyway. simply because if you are a true friend, you wouldn't want to lead him on in his time of need. then he'll be mad at you for not coming straight out and telling him. the truth is alot less painful.

Answer 9

do something together away from everyone. tell u how u feel. he'll understand after time goes by. one of my ex b/f was that way. he finally realized i was telling the truth after we broke up. i think he'll realize before it gets that far.

Answer 10

you need to let him down gently because if you keep dating him out of pity, he might find out about it and that wouldn't be good because he could get hurt even worse.