Not invited to the baby shower...?

Question

My brother has been married about 13 years now. We know my sister in laws family well, we all get together for occasions and such.
Since my mom has gotten sick though, we've been left out of things and treated like social pariahs.
Last night, we found out the our sister in law's sister is being thrown a baby shower next Saturday. My brother let this slip on the phone - we had no idea and we weren't invited.
My sister and I feel incredibly hurt that we weren't invited. Is it just us, or was it rude?

My mom is sick with cancer.
My brother and sister in law have two children, a thirteen year old and an 18 month old.
My sister in law hardly ever sees my mom anymore, and my brother only when he has to.
The thing is, we used to be such a tight group. We'd all eat dinner together at least once a week, hang out, etc.
They act like my mom doesn't exist half the time. Which has been bad enough, my sister and I have been bearing the brunt of caring for my mom, along with my step-dad.
I just don't get why we are being treated like this...

Answer 1

As sad as it may seem, sometimes people do not how to react with the news that someone is terminally ill. They feel awkward andjust avoid the whole situation. They forget the terminally ill are still alive,and what life they have remaining they would like to spending it as normal as possible. They are aware they are dying, and by people excluding them from social situations in which they were previously included makes their iso;ation all the worse.I would talk with your brother and let him know how disappointed you were to find out about the shower. I'd let him know your mother would have enjoyed a celebration like a baby shower.There is a chance she may have not felt up to attending but extending the invitation would have been a kind thing to do.Perhaps the hosts thought it would be too much for your mother.

Answer 2

Wow, that was totally rude, I would be extreamly hurt. I agree with the first answer, get the baby a truly heart felt gift (since it is mainly for the baby) your brother & his wife will take it of course. But I would talk to your brother, tell him your bothered by this. 13 years is a long time with someone to "forget" to invite the Aunties.. is it thier first child??? have they left you guys out before... how would your mom have taken this?? there seems to be a little more about the sister in law your not saying.. has she always been this way towards your family..A new baby is a joyous and wonderful thing, how dare they leave you out.. I'm pissed for you, but do whats right, buy a gift the the baby and keep it civil

Answer 3

Yes this way your guests will know what you need. But most of the time people don't go by it so it could be a waste of time. I had a friend that wrote on each invite what she needed. Like the first 5 invites she put diapers, wipes then the next 5 she put 0-3 clothes and bottles so on and so on.

Answer 4

I agree with Mac, especially if you want to make a statement! Buy them a gift and write a sweet card, no matter how mcuh effort it takes to come up with the words, and sent it to them! They will be the ones left feeling like an a**, because even though they were rude to you, you were the better person.
And if it was a misunderstanding as to why you have been getting left out, then maybe this will be a good way to open communication about the problem!
good luck!

Answer 5

that is so rude of them to not invite you! Maybe you could tell your sister in law how you feel, or just tell her u saw a really cute baby present at the mall that would be perfect for a baby. Make her feel jeleous. But its not like the mother to be is actually planning the baby shower. Find out whos planning it, and then call them up and tell them how great and nice and loyal they are, and make them feel really bad for not inviting you. That'll teach em. OR u could throw ur own babyshower with ur side of the family. :D good luck!

Answer 6

Buy them a great present anyway! The bigger, the better, and remember its for the baby and the baby didn't send out the invites! Allow the guilt to eat away at their unkind souls for not inviting you, the one who cares enough to give the greatest gifts! I promise you, you are not missing anything other than a diaper filled with chocolate candy bars and shallow people who you don't want to be friends with anyway.

Answer 7

Wow, I understand how hurt you must feel. You might give them a call and take the high road by saying, "I understand you thought it might be tough for us to attend the shower with my mom being sick and all, is there anything we can do for you to still be part of it?"
It gives them an out, but lets them know you still want to be part of things even if your mom is sick.
I would definately send a gift.

Answer 8

By inviting your sister and yourself, they might have thought it would have upset your mother because she was not able to go because of ill health. It wouldn't have hurt them though to check out if you and/or your sister would have liked to attend. Some people just don't think of these things, and if it is the first time this has happened I would try not to be offended by it.

Answer 9

It's just you.

I have been not invited, dis-invited and even told to stay away from less personal occasions by much closer relatives

Ask your brother what's going on, but don't be amazed that you get some incredibly lame excuses. Realize as well that he's a guy and it's been forever since a guy organized a baby shower.

Answer 10

No it's not just you, that is totally rude. Sounds like she has issues with your family to me. I think I'd question your brother about it. Granted he can't control his wife but I'd still ask him if he knows what the problem is and how you can go about finding out if he doesn't know.