His excuse for stealing from us: I was doing drugs and made poor choices. He stole stuff from us as recent as a week ago. The total of the stolen items is almost $5,000. He pawned the stuff to buy drugs. He does not sound remorseful or sorry about what he has done. Says that if we get him out, he can pay to get our stuff out of the pawn shop. The police say we either have to pay the pawn shop back what they paid our son or take them to court to get the stuff back that hasn't been sold yet. He has been stealing our stuff for the last 2 months but doing it in a way that it wasn't noticeable till last week. When we realized our stuff had been stolen he told the police about anyone he thought may have stolen the stuff. I feel he should stay in jail and do time - maybe it would be the wakeup call he needs. My husband doesn't want us to be the ones to file the charges. Wants to get him out, let him steal from someone else - then let them file charges so we haven't put him away.
2007-02-11 10:04:57 · 21 answers · asked by beach_babe 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No one but your son can change your son. I am truly baffled by your husbands thought to bail him out so he can steal from others. That makes my head explode! If you really don't care what happens to your son or other people in society then by all means bail him out. I promise you, though, he will continue a downward spiral. The ONLY way your son will change, and this is not guaranteed, is for him to hit ROCK bottom and recognize he has to change. If you come to his support you will become what psychologists call and enabler. By your lack of action you will enable him to continue on his present course. My wife works weekly with state and federal female prisoners. Most are in jail for offenses related in some way or another to illegal drugs. Remember that drug users are ALL manipulators. He will say and do anything to get out of his current mess so he can get his next fix. Also, be cautious about drug treatment programs. Many drug users sent by the courts to drug treatment simply meet other drug users and increase their drug supply contacts to help when they get out. The most effective way of your son breaking free is 1) hitting rock bottom so HE recognizes he needs help 2) treatment through a 12 step program similar to Alcoholics Anonomous where he must admit his problem. The other drug addicts in the program will easily recognize any manipulation on his part and call him on it. Because they are manipulators themselves. SSOOO. I'm with you. He has to start experiencing consequences to his actions or he will NEVER change.
2007-02-11 10:33:45 · answer #1 · answered by yagman 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you and wish I could help you in some way, but all I can say is, the only way you will be able to help your son, is to teach him a lesson and find him some help with the addiction he has. For starters your son, as you described him does not feel any remorse of what he did, and if you do get him out of jail, he will do it again or may harm either you or your husband. He does not know right, from wrong, because of his addiction, all he cares about is his habit and that closes all feelings he had for you as his family. He needs to clean his system of whatever drug he is consuming, so, let him stay in there and try to find him so kind of help so, he can get better as time passes. I hope that you all, will be able to pass through this nightmare you, as a family are passing through.
2007-02-11 10:33:51 · answer #2 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had an ex-boyfriend who did the same thing to his parents. He's done it too many times to count. The first time they didn't file charges and sent him to rehab. He convinced everyone that he was clean when he got out(this was the time period when we dated), but was far from it. He had already pawned everything he owned, so he stole from them again and again, they did not file charges but sort of put him on an in-house lockdown and they paid his friends to "druggiesit" him when they went on vacation. The friends have never spoken to him since. He eventually went to jail for a short period on a burglary charge, he got clean for a long period of time, found religion, etc. Last I heard, he's back on drugs again. I know it's tough, but if you put him in jail while he's young maybe it will give him an awakening. If you fail to file charges, he eventually will get caught by someone else but will it be before it's too late? Something to think about.
2016-05-23 22:36:16 · answer #3 · answered by Linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is a hard decision. You love him but you want him to learn a lesson. My advice would be let him stay there a couple of days and then drop the charges. If he does it again, don't drop your charges. He needs a wake up call. How long has he been on drugs and what type? Have you tried to convince him to go to rehab?
If you still are unsure, feel free to e-mail me at amberrose.s@comcast.net.
Best of luck.
*gentle hugs*
Amber
2007-02-11 12:33:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its the toughest thing you'll ever do but let him do his time. i've been there. i had my son arrested for battery against me. i'm sure your husband feels guilty about pressing charges but if he gets him out your son won't learn anything. who better to learn from but ones parents?stick to your guns. he doesn't sound sorry and i wouldn't believe the bit about taking care of getting the stuff back. he'll say anything to he what he wants right now and he's probably scared. he should be. once he realizes that you're not going to bail him out maybe he'll start to think. see if you can get the judge to order him to rehab while he's there too. as far as the pawn shop goes, they recieved stolen items. maybe they we're recieved in good faith but they're still stolen. i would think they could be siezed. i would contact a lawyer if you haven't already. they can help you better. best of luck to you and your family.
2007-02-11 10:48:01 · answer #5 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop being his crutch. The more you keep bailing him out of trouble. He is not going to learn. If he isn't ready to get help for his addiction then there really isn't anything that you can do for him accept pray for him. If he stole property that didn't belong to him. He should do the time for the crime he committed. If someone doesn't let him know that this isn't o.k. then he is going to continue. Sorry to say this but the next person he steals from may not be as understanding.
2007-02-11 10:50:08 · answer #6 · answered by Seanette 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in some states it does not matter, if you get him out of jail. the state can press charges any way. then you are out more money for lawyers court cost's . maybe him being there will wake him up and sober him too. about 11or 12 year's ago a couple in oklahoma was in the same deal with their son and left him there in jail .and the state picked it up and filed charge's and their son was put in prison in mcalester prison and an inmate beat him to death . but their son would not stop stealing from them. and drug treatment don't work unless they want it to .
2007-02-11 10:22:17 · answer #7 · answered by dirtdevil215 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him in jail. Your his mother, and you probably know him best. You said that he doesn't sound remorseful - he probably isn't. How is he going to learn a lesson if mom's always there to bail him out? Drugs are a scary thing, and he needs help. If you're seriously considering bailing him out. I would require that he get help with rehab and afterwood continue to see somebody at least once or twice a week. If he breaks his promise and continues down the same path I would suggest you seperate yourself from him because you're just going to end up hurt again. It's up to you - but I would make him sit in there and think about what he did. If he continues to get in trouble and stays in the system its really hard to get out.
2007-02-11 10:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by *Photo-op* 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let him stay in jail. He got himself in this mess and he can figure out a way to get himself out of it. Hire an attorney and tell them the pawn shop has your stolen items and you want them back!
2007-02-11 11:45:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave him. He needs to learn his lesson. My brother was the same way he stole from my family because his drug problem and nothing was done. Things just got worse. Things will not get better unless your son learns his lesson and get off drugs. Please get your son help of getting off drugs becasue I almost lost my brother due to drugs. But i would leave him because if there are charges filed then the court may make him go to rehab to get help. I hope everything works out. God Bless
2007-02-11 10:19:38 · answer #10 · answered by MB 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋