Women from dating sites will not even take me up on an offer to meet for coffee. What's wrong with me?

Question

In public settings attractive women seem to be attracted but, due to extensive experience with "No Thanks" I am extremely hesitant to ask women out anymore unless I'm awfully sure they are interested. As in it about takes an act of congress to incourage me to ask a woman out anymore. The reason for this is now after "shoot-downs" I get very deeply depressed. So I figured better luck with the Internet. Wrong! No luck there either. I'm no good with the bar scene. I'm not really into religion and none of my friends are any good at hooking me up either. All I'm asking for at the dating sites is for a trade of e-mails or for meeting up at a coffee place. I've gotten to the point of where I'd really like to obtain a drug prescription that will make me forget that I would like to have a woman to be a part of my life.

Answer 1

From personal experience, I err on the side of caution, and never met up with a man until after an extensive exchange of e-mails, which gave me some sense of what a person was about, and that he was interested in a relationship and not just casual sex.

Also, if a man seemed too desperate, that was an immediate red flag.

Just be patient, and do the e-mail thing with the ladies that interest you until they feel comfortable enough to meet you face to face.

Two additional comments: First, my answer is in the past tense because I am in a relationship with a man I met on line. Second, the fact that your question shows a certain command of the Queen's English is appealing, as it shows a certain level of intelligence. Good luck in your search!

Answer 2

Are you giving off the impression of being hesitant, depressed, afraid, or standing back? I've just started my venture out to the dating sites after a divorce and a lost love. Scared and have been told twice by friends that I have to change profiles and responses to not sound so blunt and scare people off. It sounds like you are asking for a simple meeting with coffee at a coffee place. I would take that as a first good safe place to meet.

One other thing I am considering this Spring is a Speed Dating Event. It is set-up by age group and has a limited number of people, of course same number of men to women. I figure it can't be too bad - other than no one liking me or me liking anyone - but at least it is a face with a voice and getting over my first fears of moving into the dating world again. You might want to do something like that if there is one in your area. At least you would get to see them and they get to see you. It is short, you are contacted later and told who was interested and if there is a match with someone you were interested in. It might be fun.
Good Luck

Answer 3

OK, well women who go on websites are probably gun shy, too. One of the first thing they are warned not to do is meet IRL. I know how you feel believe me. The last time someone dumped me and went back with his ex, I gained 30 lbs. and couldn't lose it. Three, no four years have gone by and I decided to quit smoking and....gained 20 which has gradually increased to 30 lbs. Now I am smoke-free but dangerously overweight and people are afraid I've turned into a hermit. Why not ask them if they would be interested in meeting a bunch of your friends out somewhere. Pool, movies. bowling, sports of any kind. Does anybody think it's too corny to go roller skating. Chics I grew up with never sat around waiting for the right guy to look their way, they went out did stuff and when they got interested in someone, they were not shy about being the one to pursue. Do you have a girl just friend that accompanies you places, cause my son, James says when he's with a girl, other girls seem to pay more attention to him. Kinda like the forbidden fruit. If someone has it, it must be good. Hope this helps abit and sorry about the shut downs but I think "they" are just unsure of themselves. Happy Hunting and Happy Valentine's Day. Surprise someone just for fun and maybe when you are not expecting it, love will find you.

Answer 4

I have a female friend who is going through the exact same issues. Maybe you two should hook up. :)

I think that sometimes people try too hard to find someone only to be let down. Try to focus on how to stay active and make yourself happy without a date. A positive attitude can be amazing, plus the more activities you involve yourself in, the more opportunites to meet people. What kinds of things to you interest in? Sports??? Join a bowling league, volunteer to coach at a local high school, etc... Art? Take a painting class, learn a new skill like glass blowing... Music? Sign up to post messages in a fan forum for your favorite band. Who knows what girl out there loves the same band as you? You could hook up and see the best concert of your life together. Above all, HAVE FUN!!!!

Answer 5

Wow. You may want to seek some help for the depression thing.

Here's my advice. Continue to go out and have a good time. Don't seem to eager. Men can play hard to get too. You need to give off a very confident, no nonsense kind of vibe. Stop trying so hard, believe it or not, we can see through it. Try getting involved in other activities (hiking, biking, exercise, classes), as opposed to hitting the bars and lounges all the time. Don't let it be the focus and it will come.

Answer 6

Hi there... I think you just spoke about me for a second there... Only when I was about 18 though,I'll tell you what I know and what I think you might know...the thing is it's very strange that when ever we look for something we don't seem to find it, but if you're not interested in some things you find that somehow there's plenty of them around at your service. Most guys start developing a mature mindset at a young age due to how they were brought up, who their friends were and some kind of a good rolemodel. What I would suggest is for you to take the thought of LOOKING for a girlfriend totaly out of your mind but instead try to explore. Try to think about it this way, for example let's say you were an undercover journalist and you are writing a story on how's people's attitude in public places and mostly in night clubs. So to get the story right you wanna feel how people feel when their having a good time or whatever in the club, so this will involve going there alone so you can concentrate, start by buying a few drings and listening to the music that is playing, look at the Dj and notice how he does his job,get drinking until you feel 'Happy',this is the state that people like when they've had a few to drink, don't go over board though.Make sure to stand where there is alot of movements but still out of the way where people pass to go somewhere,it is important that you do not walk around alot, try to make a mark where you stand, this creates a subconsious mindset to females that you're a person who is 'Always there', As long as you are in that happy state you're fine, be sure not run to the dancefloor as soon as you hear your favourate song, dance where you are standing, dancefloor is when the lady grabs you for a dance for now. Now while there try looking at other people, try to think what they are thinking even when they've had alot to drink,everytime you go to the bar to get another drink, ask any person next to you if they are having a good night or enjoying themselves. All this was to take you off from looking at all the girls,girls can notice if you're only there to get laid.That is why you find guys who have girlfriends or are married get more attention, that's because most of them are not looking for girls anyway. Right then, so let's say you see a good looking girl and feel like talking,remember this, you're an undercover journalist, when you get there don't even say "Hi" journalist don't have time for this,start by asking a question straight away,"having a good time", "What made you come here anyway?" just ask questions that are out of the flirting mode,that way you build a friendship,instead of a target.One other thing is...don't ask her name right until the end of your conversation,that way it's most definate that she will remember you and your name. If you don't get to speak to a bird, don't worry....Do the same next week, stand at the same place aswell. I gaurantee you that by the third week atleast, you should have a couple of people used to you and girls who go regularly will aswell... So stay relaxed and just feel free Hope this helps if you do go out alone, which I hope will do. GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

Well you're going about it all wrong. Grown women know better than to go out with someone they meet over a dating site. You never know whose on the other end. Before you start getting depressed over women, look at yourself. Examine yourself, maybe the problem is you. Maybe you come off so eager that you scare them away. You're looking for long term and the women you're going after are going after are looking for fun. Since you're not religious, I can't suggest church. There are some wholesome women there, sometimes they're aren't. You're lonely it happens sometimes. Hang out with your friends, be by yourself right now. When it happens it happens. You'll meet someone when it happens. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 8

hmm, have you tried
1.) lifting weights, improving body appearance
2.) Try drinking a little alcohol before you meet women, not a lot just a little to calm you down and be yourself
3.) use step 2 to gain the courage to walk up to women in coffee shops, malls, church, or any type of social setting
4.) Regular hygene like shaving, having a groomed look with a nice haircut, etc.
5.) be confident when you talk to the girls, show them who is boss
6.) Try to be funny, if possible, if not just be yourself
7.) a good pick up line that i always use that is just right is, go up to a girl that is sitting by herself, if she has no chair next to her then grab a chair put it next to her and ask, "is this seat taken?"
8.) Don't seem too desperate

Answer 9

Stop making dating such a huge issue and relax. Be happy with who you are and what's going on in your life...if you see (online or off) someone you'd like to get to know better, then make that effort but if they reject you, don't get "deeply depressed". I mean, you don't even know them so why put THAT much weight on the situation?

Stop taking it so hard and just realize that sometimes we go through MANY trials and attempts and rejections before we meet someone with whom there is a mutual desire to get to know one another better.

Also, examine your approach in these situations...make sure there's not something you are doing or saying that could be construed as offensive or intimidating or frightening. Are your online profiles complete and photos present so those you are checking out can also check you out?

Be patient...put out feelers at first and if you don't get a good vibe then don't go further...you're unlikely to be rejected if you don't put yourself out there so only ask out those whom you've communicated with and gotten some kind of positive response or "warm fuzzy" feeling about.

Otherwise, relax and take the rejections thankfully...be glad those who are not good matches for you are weeding themselves out early on, and saving you possible more deep emotional hurt later on.

Answer 10

You should never get so depressed. Why don't you take the time to correct what it is about you that could be causing this lack of interest in the opposite sex. Do you have inner issues that you say something or complain to others, and they start to judge you as an unhappy or negative person and they lose interest then? Could there even be that slim possibility?