I asked a question & didn't like the answer.........?

Question

posted a question because i was having a problem with a neglectful childminder. Had loads of possitive answers but 1 person said i shouldn't have children if i'd rather go to work, what do you think?
is it best to stay at home & not bring anything financial into the home or should we be showing our children, especially our daughters that women have to help make money for nice things like a roof over our heads & money for food? I personaly work 3 days a week for the emergency services and yes i do enjoy my job but i also enjoy hearing my daughter telling her friends how mummy talks to sick people on the phone and sends them "nee naw cars".
Yes we have had trouble with an irisponsible minder and yes i feel guilty for my bad judgment in choosing her but should i just give up work?

Answer 1

what about doing 5x4=20 hours a week instead 3x8=24 a week which will make you life more balanced and you will be able to spent more equal time with baby and yet contribute to the income

Answer 2

Well done super mum! You're a mother so that makes you a cook, cleaner, nurse, psychologist, childrens events co-ordinator, personal shopper AND you work part time too.. deserves a round of applause I think! I also work too and my children get the best of both worlds. They go to a nursery so get to play with children their own age which teaches them how to interact with others, to share and to be independent. It makes our time together much more special because we're all so pleased to see each other. I'll bet your daughters mouth goes at 100 miles per hour when you get home, delighting in telling you all that she's been up to that day, she'll enjoy your company more because you've been away at work. You're setting a good example for her. Ignore these few idiots on here who ruin things. Anyone would think they were perfect and never made mistakes! Maybe consider enrolling her in a nursery rather than getting a child minder. You could chat with the other mums and get an idea about how the place is run before making any decisions and your daughter would have some good friends to play with.

Answer 3

I am not a mum yet so I don't know how I will feel when that day comes but I reckon that I would be happy with part time work once my child was over a certain age (propably about to start nursery age 3/4) but would not consider full time until the children were much older...(teens).. this is when i would try and teach them the need for working hard for future potential... I know that this may pose problems though... e.g. employers not wanting an older women who have been off work for so many years... so I can understand why people do continue their work.

I would rather show my children the importance of a part time job than let them think that not working is ok because you can live off of the benefits..

Everybody is different. they all have different demands on their lives and I really hate the way that sooo many people on here immediately jump to conclusions and judge everyone else...(isn't judging breaking one of the ten commandments?).

People put their questions up to ask for advice... not to be judged by someone or doesn't know them...

Do not feel bad about making mistakes... it happens to everyone... and if your daughter is proud of your job then it sounds like you are doing ok :)

Answer 4

well.. i'm old fashioned in the sense that i myself would be at home with the children while good ol hubby goes off to work while i cook clean and look after the kids, but in saying that i'm not so narrow minded as to believe that this is the only way children should be brought up! in fact it's becoming almost impossible to have it happen anyway! My 18 month has just started at daycare five days a week 6hours a day, and while this may seem like a long time he absolutely loves it to the point he gets out of the car and runs to their front door. I think it can be a good thing for mothers to work in the sense that it shows our daughters that they can't solely rely on men for their income and that they may have to work for their living too especially before they are married! I think you're doing a great job and while i didnt read your previous question about the childminder, it can't have been solely your fault just because you chose her! their are bad people everywhere and they don't have big signs hanging off them saying i am irresponsible or a child molester etc etc. Keep doing what you're doing and obviously your child is happy with you working, and you're happy, so you're doing a good job!

Answer 5

If working is what makes you happy then do it. Sometimes I think I would like to stay home with my daughter all the time, but we need both my husbands and my income to obtain the life we have...and also without my job I think I would go crazy just being at home all day! When it comes down to things I would rather be productive with my days and make money for my family.
You are doing the right thing, your daughter looks up to you and your such a positive role model. You still see her everyday and you only work 3 days a week, as long as you spend time time with her everyday I don't see the problem!

Answer 6

No! You just keep on doing what you are doing. I was to a certain extent a stay at home mum. We have our own business and I did and still do the bookwork in that, but it is all done from home. At the age of 44 I find my kids almost grown and I am still doing the bookwork for our own business and have given the kids every possible piece of my time that they wanted. The only problem with that is now I would very much like to be doing something else and do have many skills, but you try and get a job when the only experience you can say you have is in your own business. Boss's want bits of paper. As much as I adore my kids I do wish I had a part of me that was separate from the family as I could really do with it now.

It sounds like you are doing the juggling act well working 3 days a week and as long as work doesnt always come first, you go girl as it is important not only to bring security to your family but for a sense of self worth for yourself.

Answer 7

I think that you have got the balance just right, 4 days at home and three at work sounds good to me. If you were 12 hours a day 5/6 days a week then I would agree what is the point of having children but you are with your children more often that not whilst having a life of your own which makes you even happier.

Answer 8

Good on you, I also work part time and though I'd love to stay at home I simply can't afford to. As a single Mum I also find that working gives me a social outlet. Veto or whatever your name is you obviously don't live in the real world! You could wait until you met a man who had a great job and earned a lot of money and would never leave you etc but if everybody did this there wouldn't be much of a population would there?

Answer 9

"Beware of allowing a tactless word, rebuttal, a rejection to obliterate the whole sky."
-Anais Nin

Don't let one narrow-minded person bring you down and question your whole life! It sounds like you are working to better the quality of your life - not to mention your daughter's! It sounds like she if very proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself as well for helping people. You are teaching your daughter tremendous values: helping people, caring for the sick, and responsibility - not to mention female empowerment (by working)!

I myself am a stay-at-home Mom (for right now), and me staying at home is an obligation for me and my child, but I find NOTHING wrong with you having a job! You're only working three days a week - the other four you spend with your daughter. You are giving yourself a break and making money at the same time. This is also helping your daughter by letting her bond with other people.

Honestly, it sounds like you already know the answer. You know you are doing what is best for your family. Don't let some one who doesn't know you or your situation personally make judgements that alter your life. I have asked questions on here too and had very rude people say horrible things - but you can't take it personally because they don't know you!

You sound like a great mom - don't let any one tell you otherwise!

(P.s. Maybe part-time daycare would be good for your little one - if it's not too expensive. Then she would be with other children under the supervision of trained professionals.)

Answer 10

Whoever told you that obviously feels strongly that a mother should stay at home, however thats not how everyone feels, don't let one persons opinion, someone you don't even know, colour your judgement. I needed to go to work, not just for financial reasons. I would have been an unhappy mother if I'd stayed at home all the time. That would have had a negative effect on my children. You need to do what makes you happy, and if that's to work then do it. You seem to have a good balance, and your daughter is obviously proud of you. Would she feel the same way if you were unhappy, or having to cut corners because of lack of funds?

Answer 11

hi if you are happy working good on you not only are you doing it to keep the roof over your head your doing it to show your daughter the good in life ie you got to work hard if you want the best in life and one day she will understand you just be carefull when choosing a child minder as not everyone is as trusting as they may seem but there are good people out there too but finding them thats the hard part.
your not irresponsible trying to give your daughter the best in life your trying to keep things together responsibly as today the bills keep going up and up .
good luck in finding your childminder and always trust your childs instincts too about a person after all she is the one spending the time with the person.