Just a card okay - or do I need a gift?

Question

We received an invite to hubby's h.s. best buddy's sister wedding -we haven't seen (or talked to) her in 14 yrs when we were out for the buddy's wedding. (We haven't seen said buddy in that long either - just an exchange of cmas cards). The wedding is about 900 miles away.

We took the gesture as being kind to think of us (my mother in law got an invitation as well - and she hasn't seen them in 17 years.) Obviously however, we won't be going. There was no RSVP card.

Two questions:
First:
I would like to at least send a card. My question is do I need to send some type of gift as well? (Gift card, cash, small gift).

And for my own curiosity:
There was no RSVP card although there were directions to the wedding site, should we take that as it was safe for them to assume we wouldn't come (although we considered it as an excuse to get away from the kidlets LOL) or is a common practice if it is an "open" reception and no RSVP needed. Thoughts?

Thanks

PS - I don't think it was a dig for gifts - they are a very formal family and she is probably having a HUGE wedding. But they are a very very nice family as well and she was a sweetheart!

Answer 1

Yes, I suggest sending a gift card with your card(to one of their registry stores). It doesn't have to be a lot of money, just what you can give and that would be very appreciated.

Also, the no RSVP thing is pretty common now. It really depends on the type of reception and the deal they worked out with the reception site. So don't take it personally, they probably decided to save money on the RSVP cards and guesstimate the number.

Answer 2

Sorry, you may not think it's a dig for gifts --but it is.

If they are formal, they'd know that if they just wanted to send you a notice that they were married so you were included in the good news, it would have been done with a 'wedding announcement', not an invitation sans RSVP.

If it's a "huge" wedding, there is no way they could get away with NOT having RSVP's, unless they were eating from a trough. The RSVP is the only tool to figure out how many dinners/guests/final costs there are. You can't guess. period.

If she's as sweet as you say, maybe there's someone else helping out that would be this unclassy and you're unaware. Again, if it's as big an affair as you say, she'd need help with these lists and invitations. I know, I made all mine for only 150 people, it was rough.

It doesn't take much to find out these rules of etiquette, she's either really oblivious or making tons of enemies in her path to get gifts and glory without having to commit to your $32-$65 plate of food--EACH.
This I also know, because I considered doing this nasty little trick, hey, not a proud moment, but it crosses every brides mind when looking at the potential for a bunch of gifts to get you and your husband on the way to a sweet life. It's an ugly truth out there man.

I say send a card with congratulations and a thank you for being included in the good news. No gift.

Answer 3

I think the idea with weddings is that you only need to bring a gift if you actually go to the wedding and/or the reception. In your case I think just sending a card would be a very appropriate and very sweet gesture. Speaking from my own experience, we sent invitations to a lot of people who lived far away and who we didn't expect to come or to RSVP, and some of them sent cards and that was very nice. However, if you want to be certain about RSVPing, you could either call the bride or her mother, thank them for the invitation and express your regrets that you won't be able to attend, or you could make sure to send your card a few weeks in advance and write inside that you are sorry you won't be there.

Answer 4

Well you seem to have a very good view of the family, so I think it would be appropriate to send a card with a personal note and a small gift. If they were the type who just sends invitations to be gift-grabby, I would say just a card. I've never heard of a wedding invitation sent without some sort of RSVP requested, so that leaves me a little perplexed. But anyway, yes I would send a small gift and card.

Answer 5

if you havent seen said people for that long i wouldnt send any cash. did they send you an invite possibly knowing you are so nice that you would probably send a gift to them and not show up? just a thought but no i wouldnt send a gift just a wedding card is good enough.

Answer 6

If I were in your shoes, I would simply send a nice card with a handwritten note in it telling them congrats, and how wonderful it was to hear from them again, and that you'd love to keep up the correspondence, possibly with a little news about your family. If it was a "grab for gifts," you'll never hear from them again (until maybe their oldest child graduates from high school). If it wasn't, they'll probably write back sometime down the road, and you've renewed a friendship!

Answer 7

If you feel (and your husband feels) very disconnected from her, send like a $5-10 gift card to like Starbucks or something. If they are registered at a certain store buy a gift card from that store.

Answer 8

Well my opinion regarding the card is that you should send a card even though you are not attending with an amount of cash you feel comfortable giving them,

Answer 9

I would just send a card...no gift or money...just a card saying thanks for the invite and congratulations but sorry you couldn't make it ...lalalalala ...ya know.
I son't think a gift is necessary since you haven't seen the people in so long.

Answer 10

Sending a card with a note thanking them for the invitation would be well appreciated, and very gracious of you. You may just receive a note back.