this guy i was dating he has only been with a few woman very sweet kind and considerate, i think he has been hurt in the past everything was going really well he told me how gorgeous i was and was very very very in to me more than iwas him then we had a small dispute and he said he did not want a serious relationship. He still acts really weak around me and my friends saw him out last night i was staying in and apparently he saw my friend and thinking i was with her looked walked oddly around the whole pub as if to see if i was there...whats the best way to stop him feelingso confused and frightened of anything so serious all my male friends say i should mother him\ands hower him with niceness..is that the best way
2007-02-11 07:48:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ya i think your male friends are right and then once he's calmed down sit him down and have a serious GENTLE convo with him and ask him why he got so upset about such a little thing and that you are asking him becasue you dont want to upset him again. (even if that's not the complete truth for you about not wanting to upset him again, it doesnt matter, it will make him feel better and you'll be more likely to get an honest answer out of him)
2007-02-11 07:54:31 · answer #1 · answered by shutgstr1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't pressure him for a 'serious' relationship. If he's been hurt in the past then he will be cautious or even unwilling to get heavily involved again.
It is actually very difficult for men because (despite what you may see in the press and tv) we are still expected to make the 'first move' and then have to be manly and grin and bear it when we get the brush-off.
He is probably shy too.
Be a friend first (that's safer and longer lasting) and when you're comfortable together be a lover. It will probably develop naturally if you are "compatible" (sorry, couldn't think of a better word but I hope you'll take my meaning).
Don't go overboard on the romantic gestures such as flowers (or whatever women give men) and going out. No lavish surprises either, he'll be embarrassed.
Cook a good meal for him at home (for God's sake find out his likes and dislikes first - don't assume!) then settle down afterwards with a glass of wine in front of the telly - get a video in if you like.
If you both feel like going to bed together after dinner then do it.
(You had better get a supply of condoms in yourself, don't assume he will remember to bring any and he Must use them - that's the only Must in this scenario but it's a very serious one, the consequences of not using one could be more serious than losing your man)
DON'T let any other awkwardness or embarassment creep in before, during or aftewrards - whatever happens. That could set you back to before 'square one'.
Good luck.
2007-02-11 16:07:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no "MOTHERING" him is not the best way. explain to him how you feel if and then after you do so and his actions are still the same back off for awhile because if he can't see what type of person you're what more can you do. if this dispute was small and he's all bent of shape what will happen when you two have a major disagreement??he needs to grow up and nobody can do that for him but "HIM" so give it some time and space. just think if you have to hold his hand everytime you two were in a disagreement or something was wrong outside your relationship who would be there when you needed someone? he needs to understand you have feelings as well!
2007-02-11 16:01:19 · answer #3 · answered by peanut 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had a small dispute and he told you he didn't want a serious relationship. Find a real man, at least he told you the truth but these jerks will keep using you for sex and marry the first person they get pregnant, regardless of what he says. Baby and mother him, what a hoot. You sound too young to have a son this age. Stop looking, start living and it'll come.
2007-02-11 15:55:52 · answer #4 · answered by dino 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen very well dear Rebeka, it seems he is really hurt from some accident in the past. So, there two things I can tell, first give him some time to balance himself, SECONDLY, go to him and talk to him sharply about this issue. BUT DO NOT try to look nice or passionate neither be tough. ALL Im saying is that be clear with him in showing that how much you want to make this relation work and be serious... best luck!
2007-02-11 15:59:13 · answer #5 · answered by kamiran_yz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a problem he will have to deal with. Life gives all of us trials to help us grow. He's still in a growing stage as we all are through out life. Your best chance if you care for him is to be patient and make sure of your spiritual growth. It can work it just may be a relationship that will take more time and love, if this is what you want. Take care and I'll pray for you.
2007-02-11 15:58:36 · answer #6 · answered by skip1960 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you like him?
It sounds like he's a lost puppy... and unless you want to be with him, then just tell him that he can't mess around, changing his mind about what he wants.
The best thing for you to do would be for you to sit down with him, and ask him (honestly) what he feels for you, what he wants with you etc. Then sit and think about it yourself, and decide what YOU want. I hope ot all works out for you hun. x
2007-02-11 15:59:38 · answer #7 · answered by MARGARET T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think your guy needs a bit of direction as it sounds to me he's a bit lost so either get him on track or walk
2007-02-11 15:55:18 · answer #8 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is NOT your responsibility! Move on in your life!
2007-02-11 15:58:28 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not be vague...lay it on the line and move on
2007-02-11 15:54:19 · answer #10 · answered by cherry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋