My son, his wife and 20month old are currently living with us. I am the full time child care person while everyone else works. This is a short term situation all the way around, maybe 6 months.
Alexis and I have fun, run errands, clean the house, etc. just like a stay at home mom would do. When my daughter in law is around, Alexis will have nothing to do with anyone else in the family including her dad. I realize a lot of that is normal but she gets really crappy if any of us even talk to her, unlike when Mom isn't around.
My thought, and I could be wrong, Mom doesn't interact with Alexis in a really "involved" way. She loves her to death but often just watches videos or cartoons with her. Seldom does any outside activities (it's warm here), no real one on one stuff. When Alexis wakes up in the morning, Mom drags around looking like death warmed over. Negative behavior for attention is what I think because Alexis isn't feeling the positive enough. What do you think?
2007-02-11 06:58:07 · 15 answers · asked by Chloe 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Someone of you are obviously wanting to make me the problem here when I am trying to figure out the problem. I never once she was worthless or a bad mom. Just looking for opinions on those that have raised kids - not from the assholes that want to be negative to everything and everybody.
2007-02-11 07:11:41 · update #1
To the ones that offered positive solutions, thank you much. That is what I was looking for - not blame to anyone.l
2007-02-11 07:14:29 · update #2
I can see the confusion her - Alexis isn't glued to my side when Mom is around which is good - but Alexis won't allow anyone else including her Dad to play with her or do any care at all without raising a fuss.
2007-02-11 07:45:00 · update #3
She desperately wants her mother's attention. She thinks that if she acts like her mother is the only person who matters to her, she will get that attention. It is a sad situation. Someone needs to talk to the mother.
2007-02-11 07:07:21 · answer #1 · answered by notyou311 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Grandma
I see that you are her influence which seems to be a very good thing. My only suggestion is to see if you can include her Mom in some of the activities especially the outdoor ones. Her mom might have been so used to just vegging because of a hectic schedule at work and not even realize that she is not doing the one on one and giving the don't bug me "vibes" off. Alexis is just modeling her Mom's behavior. If you have a good relationship with your daughter-in-law, ask her her opinions on what childrearing is about. You might find out that what you are seeing is what she learned as she grew up so she does not know any other way. It is a constant learning process and Mom sounds as if she needs your help there. Contrary to what some others have said, you are not badmouthing her, you are just a concerned person who wants to help . I speak from experience having grown that way and realized early on when my son was young, I was repeating what i learned so I made the necessary changes, watch my language because they are little sponges at that age and got more involved with my son- one on one, outdoor activities etc. .
2007-02-11 07:28:14 · answer #2 · answered by thequeenreigns 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
in this transitional time,you are the only constant and reliable example of "home" Alexis has. The quality time and extra attention is an added bonus which is why she is staying glued to your side no matter who is around. A good idea would be to have mom go to lunch with you one day and gradually re-introduce Alexis to her mommy and inspire a deeper connection for them both.It will make moving out a little easier if there's a balance of parental influence. good luck
2007-02-11 07:31:43 · answer #3 · answered by justsayin... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have more family activities with Alexis's mother and father. Such as going to the zoo or gardening or playing a game. Family time is an essential to a good life. Also, wake her up in a happy way like singing a song. A favorite of some kids it the theme song to Whinnie the Pooh (gotta get up, gotta get goin...). It will start her day off happy and it will last all day!!! You seem like such a kind person for doing this for them.
2007-02-11 07:09:08 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Angie ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are probably right. Alexis might just be asking for her mothers attention. Her mother should try to spend one on one qaulity time with her for say, at least an hour a day so that Alexis doesn't have to worry that she might not see her mom. Anyway...thats all i have to offer you. If you still aren't sure what to do you might consider talking to a pediatrician,
Good Luck
2007-02-11 07:12:44 · answer #5 · answered by crazy ally 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is coming from a mother whose daughter's primary caretaker during the day is the child's grandmother also... i don't know your exact situation but here's my veiw on mine...
my daughter's grandmother doesn't work therefore has more time/energy for fun stuff. after working an eight hour day it's sometimes hard to have the energy to play catch or tag outside without touching on physical exhaustion.
i know my daughter's grandmother feels the way that you do about me also, but look at it from her pint of veiw too. not everyone has all the time and energy to do everything, and sometimes i feel like my daughter does so much fun stuff with her grandmather that i became the "rule-maker" only, further deepening the veiw my daughter has... grandma=fun, mom=not. instead of looking down on your daughter in law try to fix what i fear (agreeing with other person before me) a situation you yourself seem to be reinforcing....
ever heard the saying too many spoons stirring the pot spoils the soup? think of it in terms of your grandaughter, she may be siding with you and your feeling about things not being right about her mother (not saying that you purposefully project your thoughts on her but children have awesome perception and may still feel and see animosity you are trying to hide)
2007-02-11 07:16:36 · answer #6 · answered by Jaime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this the first time mom has went back to work since she was born? Because she could be feeling a little separation anxiety, My youngest two did that, they wanted to be right with me after i came home and didnt want anything to do with dad either just mom, but they did outgrow it after a time. Maybe she is sure what she do with her or maybe she is just tired after work, if she has just recently went back, i know i was and i sit down with the kids and watch tv or would read a book or color.
2007-02-11 08:50:10 · answer #7 · answered by krista a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you're interpreting a lot from YOUR point of view, it seems.
Everyone has DIFFERENT parenting "styles"... and your comment about "Mom drags around looking like death warmed over" sounds to ME like you're projecting your OWN issues with your daughter-in-law onto the baby.
Be careful, you could alienate them BOTH (your son included).
I'm not trying to be "mean", by the way - just honest. Good luck! :)
2007-02-11 07:05:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ignore the stupid comment or report them for abuse. Maybe you should include the mother in some one on one activities and slowly remove yourself from the situation. Try to encourage healthy behavior. Maybe set up a special afternoon for mommy and baby to spend together where she won't have to think of anything to do. She may just not know how to interact positively or in and effective way.
2007-02-11 07:04:41 · answer #9 · answered by tylw85 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that because her mother doesn't pay enough attention to her that she tries to get as much as she can when mom is around. I would just let it be, and spend as much quality time with your grand daughter as possible. If nothing else, at least you will have a great relationship with your grand daughter.
2007-02-11 07:54:55 · answer #10 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋