fighting kids?

Question

my son & daughter are 10 & 11 and are constantly fighting, and dont know what to do, Ive always felt i was a good mum and have brought them up on my own and so thought id done a good job till now. They see their father on a regular basis and i am now pregnant with my third by my current partner of 3 years. They were close when they were young but my son winds her up and she is becoming out of control, she stabbed him with a fork this evening and recently bit someone at school. they have an okay relationship with their step father but are starting to back chat him & me. im getting so depressed but i know the doctors will try and give me pills which to me is a sign of me losing it. I misscarried our baby at 10 weeks prior to this pregnancy and since then instead of us feeling happy about this pregnancy i feel sad cos i know my kids wont be happy

Answer 1

It may sound strange, but most of this sounds typical to me. I believe they are trying show their independence. However, limits have to be set and some things should not be tolerated....such as stabbing with forks, and back talking their step-father. You need to set ground rules in a family discussion, and then stay consistent with the rules. Such as...if this is done...then this will be taken away...or something to that effect. They will push you and your husband only as far as you allow them to. It doesn't matter right now if the kids will be happy about the new baby or not...every baby is a blessing...and I'm sure once they see the new baby and help in it's care, they will adjust. If you and your husband are happy...your happiness will rub off eventually. Congratulations on your pregnancy...best of wishes!

Answer 2

I only had one child, so there were no siblings to fight. However, he did a fair share of bickering with cousins and friends. Children must learn how to settle disputes. If adults guide them properly through the process they will become fair-minded adults that have the ability to resolve conflicts with wisdom. Unfortunately this doesn't happen much. I had five siblings. We bickered as much as most children and yes there were a few occasions that came to blows. My mother would make us hug and say we loved each other. A fate worse than death when you're still hot from battle! LOL! Still, she did it. I was a good deterrent actually. Other times, when she was tired or angry about something herself, we got walloped by her. I think this taught some of us that the stronger adversary always wins like psychiatrists claim. I have a bully of an older brother that I don't talk to anymore. I wish him well, but I had to put him out of my life to be at peace with him. I'm sure my mother didn't intend such an outcome. Spanking/whipping children was a part of the culture she grew up with. Everyone did it. My parents bragged that neighbors who saw them doing something dangerously wrong when they were children would administer a spanking and then send you home to get more. They viewed that as a caring community environment. Today the neighbors and the parents could end up in jail. I see my child, whom I did not spank, as better adapted to resolving conflict. He is generally the peacemaker and seems to be well liked. I get compliments from strangers about him like, "You raised him well." How much his not having siblings contributed to that I can't say.

Answer 3

God I no how you feel. I was always shouting at mine when they fight, now itry not to. I wil go into another room and shut the door. Ground them, stop pocket money, etc. Threaten your kids by saying I am going to the school to explain this situation , the school could help by offering help if have a mentor/family support workers. Also sit your kids down and explain to them how you are feeling and ask themhow their are, could feel a little jealous.

Good luck

Answer 4

Call your doctor and discuss this with him/her. It sounds as if you are overwhelmed with everything that's happening right now, and that can't be healthy for you or your baby or for your other children.

As for their happiness, you cannot create that for them; you can only create an atmosphere where they can become happy. Your own sadness needs to be addressed first; once that is handled, you'll be much more effective in handling all the other areas of your life.

Take care of yourself; you deserve it, and many others are counting on you.

Answer 5

Search your soul first of all and be honest, if you are favouring one, trust me the other one knows and will hate the sibling. Once you treat them both fairly things will calm and they will be good buddies, yet still fight from time to time. It's natural to a point for siblings to argue/fight, it's part of growing up and teaches them how far they can go with people.......don't forget...be honest

Answer 6

talk to both of them separately and ask what the problem is. you say your 'son winds her up' ask him why he does this but be very careful not to blame either of them for the other's behaviour. There is obviously a problem and without straight out asking them what it is, you're never going to know.

Answer 7

Send them to live with their dad until your baby is born. They are entering puberty and there is little you can do to keep them from fighting other than putting them in separate boarding schools.

Answer 8

hmmm i must be one of the few people on earth with kids who actually get on.... i have always treated them as my equal.. i never down to them... i believe i am fair and firm when i need to be.... i encourage talk rather than arguing and fighting....

try circle time if your kids get too much... all sit arround the table and talk about why they are fighting.... talk about what they can do to make things calm... talk about feelings and tell them how you are feeling..... if i am upset about something i talk to my kids about it... if they are upset they talk to the rest of us about it..... my kids are 15, 13 and 10 and they are so loving and caring towards each other.... i have never bullied them or smacked them.... they help arround the house, they all know how to cook and use the washing machine...... i think its all to do with attitudes towards them..... my kids are proof that talking to them as equals really does work

good luck

Answer 9

i THINK THEY ARE JUST AROUND EACH OTHER TO MUCH;
MAYBE YOU BABY THE 10 YEAR OLD AND THEN LEAVE THE 11 YEAR 0LD 0UT A LITTLE MORE;
S0 IT COULD MAKE THEN 11TH YEAR 0LD ANGER;

Answer 10

10 and 11 its only just begun.........