Because my father does this periodically throughout the week. He's already lost his license twice for drinking, but he continues and says he doesn't have a problem.
And I get so angry at him, I want to take all his beers and pour them out in the kitchen sink...and he's so incredibly defensive about his drinking that I can't even discuss it with him.
My mother just recently died and I don't think either of us have dealt with the grief very well.
I'm 19. I can move out. He depresses me extremely; but whenever he's sober I have a very good time with him and can talk with him...as long as we don't mention the drinking.
Do you think I should try to intervene, get him help? He's been to multiple psychologists about other issues (PTSD), but the counseling and the medication doesn't seem to do a single thing for him. He stubbornly refuses to change.
And I resent it and feel guilty for being so angry...both.
But I just can't do this with him anymore.
Any advice?
2007-02-11 05:50:16 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Until he is ready to admit he has a problem with alcohol-and he does- you can really do nothing to change him. He has to be the one to change. You do need to tell him how you feel and that you can't live with the situation. If he refuses to listen or accept that things need to change, then get your own place and pray for him. You could go to some alanon meetings yourself to talk with other family members of alcoholics.
2007-02-11 06:04:32 · answer #1 · answered by Country girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have mixed feelings about labeling someone an alcoholic. Clearly your father has a problem with drinking/alcohol and needs help. Your anger is equally understandable. You didn't say how long he has been drinking like this but certainly the combination of PTSD and his wife's death are huge triggers for his behavior. My suggestion to you is that you begin to take very good care of yourself. This might mean moving out but it also might mean getting yourself some professional support as well. AA has a support arm called AL ANON which might be of some help. Another good option for you is to get The Grief Recovery Handbook and begin to familiarize yourself with it. The Grief Recovery Institute offers a personal workshop to help you deal with your own grief. That will be one of the best ways to be able to help your father. You can find the book at Amazon.com and the Institute website is www.grief-recovery.com. Good luck.
2007-02-11 14:02:46 · answer #2 · answered by Paula F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to your question and it's not easy being so young with such a burden. One thing I've learned in life is that you can't control another adult regardless how much you love him. Take care of yourself, get some grief counseling for yourself and consider joining ALANON www.al-anon.alateen.org. There should be people just like yourself who can listen and give you ideas on where and what you should do with your life. My deepest sympathies go out to you for the loss of your mother and your sick father but you have to take care of yourself and at your age the world should be an open ticket. Good Luck.
2007-02-11 14:07:44 · answer #3 · answered by dino 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It definately sounds like he is an alcoholic.
For your own mental health you should move out.
Alcoholism is an uphill battle, even for those who get treatment, relapse is likely to happen repeatedly until someone finally becomes sober. So, if you are tired of it now even if you can get him to agree to treatment, it won't end anytime soon.
A good way to help is make sure you don't enable your father. Don't get him a beer from the fridge, don't lend him money for beer, etc.. You might be able to get him to agree to treatment but there will be plenty of arguments, most likely, before he agrees. It's your choice if you want that battle. You don't have to fight it.
Also, remember that because your father is an alcoholic you are likely to be one as well.
2007-02-11 14:00:23 · answer #4 · answered by RedPower Woman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately help him before it is too late, I lost my mother because of drinking, she is still alive, but we hardly speak because she is almost always drunk and refuses to admit she has a problem. You can invoke change, so do so. You don't want it getting worse, it sounds pretty bad already. it is not healthy for his body or mind. It is also hard on you, it can affect you mentally as well. Talk to him and tell him this stuff. Make it clear to him what is happening and that it is not good. Good luck.
2007-02-11 13:57:37 · answer #5 · answered by smileforawile 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my guess would be yes a major problem with alcohol you say when hes sober you have a really good time with him but believe me you will hate him drunk or sober and in the long run you wont remember the good times only the bad
2007-02-11 19:06:08 · answer #6 · answered by sxiecat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok your question and your answer contradict each other. I think you already know that it makes him an alcoholic. Why would you even ask? You know the answer to that.
2007-02-11 16:55:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should go out to like sixflags with him.
and spend more time with him.
and sorry your mom passed away.
good luck!
p.s. try and play board games with him. again good luck.
2007-02-11 13:58:12 · answer #8 · answered by J DOG 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋