Why does my Mother treats me differently?

Question

My mother treats me differently than my siblings. I love my mother and my siblings they mean the world to me. I had always tried my level best to be a good daughter but no matter how hard i try to please her I never seem to get her aproval. It hurts me to feel this way. The only thing in life that brings me down and leaves me feeling weak and lonely is my mother's lack of affection towards me. Im not sure if it is normal to feel this way. I sometimes try not to think of it but no matter how hard i try i can never seem to avoid the conflict between the two of us. The outside world respects and think highly about me. Inspite of being known as confident person I suffer from a low self esteem, my mother has her special ways to bring me down. I dislike the way she takes sides when anyone of my siblings & I have a disagreement. I have a great job and I even manage people. But i can't have peace with the one person that matters to me the most. Do I need help

Answer 1

I am someone that also has always known that my mother treats me differently. It is still that way after many years. I may not have the answer but I would like to share my thoughts on the matter.

Given you feel like writing about this on yahoo, it must bother you significantly. However, getting help (the kind that you think would fix this) is about opening up and understanding that it isn't you...it is your mother. Like others have posted, she may want more from you. Or you may be like your father or someone that she is not fond of...in my case, I am like my father and my mother always despised my father...so she holds it against me...the thing is...if I told her that...she would deny it anyway. It is in her subconscious...the same may be true with your mother.

I have watched many things result from the lack of love and respect that my mother has for me. She favors my sister considerably. Gives her gifts and time that she has never afforded me. I could let it bother me...like when I was younger, or I can just get over the fact that she may not ever change (she is 62 and still favors my sister and talks down to me).

Life isn't fair. Try doing what is best for you. If she argues with you, don't include her in that part of your life. And if you feel that you need her approval...recognize that you won't get it. But it isn't you...it is her.

Low self esteem is the result of this situation. It still is a monkey on my back. Every day I am reminded in my mind that if my mom doesn't love me enough to accept me...who will. That is the haunting that i live with. But I have accepted that it is the way it is....

Acceptance is the one thing that you can do...so just accept it. And if you feel like you need to talk to a counselor...do that too.

But you are perfect the way you are...so don't let one mother who doesn't know how hurtful she is...break you.....

YOU CAN DO IT

Answer 2

Oh my Gosh, if totally can relate to you with my situation being a little different. Parents in general should try to treat their children equally. What ever relationships we have with our parents good or bad, no matter how strong we are as adults, affects us as adults. On my hand my mother is very controlling and domineering, I at one time she favored from my little brother and older sisters. She sort of put me on a pedistal and this created a lot of pressures on being perfect. This is very tough. I have had a great career( right know I am unemployed looking for work) and tried to please both mom and dad. Some people no matter how hard you try, you can never be good enough. My mom is always saying this person is doing so good , and that person. Constantly asking me what am I doing. I did what she wanted of me in school and she favored me. But finding my own way, finding what will make me happy she thought wasn't her way of doing things. She turned her back on me. I am also a very confident person outwardly (maybe not so much know), had great appearance, perfectionist outside (inside a total train wreck.) But no matter who you become and where you go you always have your other critiquing you every step of the way.
Another thing and I might be wrong but most of the times parents will often see themselves in you(your personalities are the same in many ways), some things she sees in you are like her that she doesn't like or some things she's jealous of but will not tell you. No body has ever told me but I beleive mothers can easily be jealous of their daughter's . In control freak mothers with borderline Narcissitic personalities, it could be jealousy from your youthful appearance (they yearn eternal youth). Beauty, attitude (very charming, personable characteristics) nice figure, they way your shaped. I think temporary distance and separation is the only answer to your problem with your mother. If she really loves you she will come to you, if she dosen't then she is a *****, just look in the mirror each morning and say "Mirror, mirror on the wall....who is the fairest of them all?" " It is ME, and my mom is anal retentive, self centered Biotch!!!!"

Answer 3

I am really sad for you. Sometimes this kind of thing has to do with the fact that you are a lot like your mother and she doesn't want you to do what she did or turn out like her. It can also be due to the fact that she never really bonded with you properly. Have you ever told her how you feel? If one of my kids told me this I would be devastated. Maybe you should go talk to a therapist so you can deal with all of this. it sounds like you have you outside life together you just need to resolve this issue before it affects your mental health. Good luck

Answer 4

As a mother, the one you usually ride the most and are most critical of is the one you expect the most out of or expect the most success out of...Thats a compliment. She expects great things from you...Its hard to say since people here dont' kow you personally..maybe there is something you are leaving out of the story.

But instead of talking to people on yahoo you don't know..how about going and talking to your mother..its the only two people in this world who can fix it...are you too!

Answer 5

this is normal to feel, but most times it is not true. my advice is taht u have to go talk to ur mom and tell her how u feel, beneath all that harshness there might be a heart ready for affection and love of her own daughter, talking is the best way to solve this

Answer 6

well try and bring your mother down and find your weak spot and strenghtn it. tell your mother how you feel and try to avoid her arguements. after you show her less attention, she'll show you more and she might find her mistake if she is that type of person.

Answer 7

Yes you need help but it is ok you are not alone there are a lot of people going through the same thing I am for one my father had picks so I know what it is like even though yours is your mom but you got to find strength from within you can not let your mom bring you down if it even mean that you have to pull away enough to get a relief do not beat yourself and no there is nothing wrong with you and please do not have a pity party for yourself that is like self sabotage and setting up a jail cell for yourself do not beat yourself I repeat you see how your mom treat you do not expect nothing more let her keep doing what she is doing if you have talk to her already a heart to heart talk mother and daughter and you have gotten nowhere it is time you know you are worth alot more than you are getting from your mom and it is time you step out of the hole and move on stop looking for her to change because you can not change her but continue to love her and treat her with respect and do not I repeat do not expect more from her or you will continue to hurt more and more each time but instead expect her usal try to avoid any disagreements and change your thinking process with your mom you already know what to expect from her so when it comes down to your sibblings do not involve her if possible approach the matters with maturity and always walk away strong no matter what the outcome is they will see a difference and might even try to make you angry but stay incontrol stay calm and cool let them get upset not you say your peace and let them act like fools you stay calm it will make them look stupid since mom always take their side you stay calm and you be the adult and never lose your control no matter what think good thoughts about yourself be good to yourself love yourself and your self esteem will be positive and you will have a better outlook about yourself and your life know your worth is higher and that you are a great person and you deserve the best even if mom won't give it to you give it to yourself HOLD YOUR HEAD UP!!!! Do not look down keep looking up down is low self esteem up is high self esteem your out come is up to you what you choose make good of your life and don't let mom or sibblings bring you down take contro of your life master your feelings of control love your mom their is an old saying eat the fish and spit out the bones meaning whatever she says that is right except it but when she is wrong allow it to pass by you without hurt or pain or shame be strong and yes without a mother's affection you can survive OPRAH WINFREY is a prime example of that fact! So continue to be strong and love yourself we have to if we don't do it who will? Be happy dispite the lack of affection that has nearly torn your heart out now I did not say that for you to breakdown no pity party excepted be strong you will survive you will be strong you will go on and be even greater than you are now you have to belive in yourself and let the rest follow we all want love and affection but we all don't always get what we want so you have to move on and be strong always love mom and your sibblings but never never let them take yourself esteem and you love for yourself but get ready for a different outlook and get ready for your sibblings not knowing what to do with you because you are about to conquer this and be powerful and strong and endure any disagreement you are going to walk away the winner because you are going to remain calm and let the debate pass over any matter that might cause a problem avoid it at all cost never dig ahole that you can not get out of it with your sibblings always stay incontrol of your thoughts and feelings you can do it as my grandmother use to say can stopped can't and knocked the hell out of couldn't (smile) lol and you CAN TOO!

Answer 8

my mom treats me the same way and I dont understand why