i would like answers from a psychologist or someone with some form of general mental health knowledge?

Question

i am 20 yrs old..i am a combat veteran of operartion iraq freedom..i have been having strange dreams and thoughts of performing murders..possibly cannibalistic..but not really..i dont feel ill ever act out on them...but everytime i think of it..see a movie,hear a song depicting it,or read of a serial killer..i tend to get slightly sexually aroused..i cant tell the mental help counselers where i am stationed because id prefer not to be locked up..i can keep it under control...its just a secret desire i have. in iraq i was successful in killing at least 2 people which satisfied me.and actually caused me to smile(i had just lost my best friend prior to that in a combat related incident) but after that i began thinking of it more..and i wanted to kill again...but this time a little more personal and up close. i am wondering if i have some form of serious mental health disorder or if i am just in awe of the fact that i took someone elses life in combat..please help..i would appreciate it

Answer 1

I'm sure this isn't uncommon to that many people. People come back from war scarred for life with images and memories. Since you lost your best friend, maybe you wanted revenge, and killing made that revenge eager for more. Just a thought, I could be wrong. I suggest just waiting it out, maybe slowly telling a therapist or someone professional in person to help by diagnosed with something. Sorry I couldn't be more specific. Best of luck.

Answer 2

I work in mental health, I'm not a doctor or therapist but I have pretty good basic knowledge about mental illness.

One of the main features of getting a diagnosis has to do with how long you had the symptoms. If this has gone on for say, more than two or three months, maybe you should talk to a Doctor.
Post Traumatic Stress DIsorder does include having dreams about a traumatic event, but it sounds like you're having dreams aobut things that didn't really happen; but it is related to real events. And some people can get sexually turned on by all kinds of things, but it sounds like this is related to the things you have been though. It's possible you might have something like PTSD or Brief Reactive Psychosis. I have heard of guys in the military who reacted badly to something in combat and came home with some kind of mental illness diagnosis or other. Sometimes psychosis can take a violent turn, but most people with mental illness are not violent.

I never killed anybody, but if I did, I'm sure it would freak me out. It's got to have a profound effect on anybody.

If you continue to have these feelings and if you think you will act on your urges, please tell a doctor or whoever you have there. It's better to be temporarily locked up than to be locked up permanently later on.

Answer 3

I am very sorry for the loss of your friend and all that you are going through. I know that war is a very traumatic thing and am sure that actually killing two people took a toll on your mental state as well. But just reading the way you worded your question concerns me: "secret desire," "wanted to kill," "successful in killing," "wanted to kill again." I want to applaud you for coming into the open with your concerns, it's not very easy for someone to do so, especially with concerns of such great magnitude. I WOULD speak to someone, as you could be going through the early stages of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. I would see about having a mental evaluation to make sure everything is alright.

Answer 4

You have to seek out professional help. You are not going to be locked up for your thoughts. You even have concern for what it is you're feeling, or you would not be questioning yourself. It's frightening to read that "you can keep it under control", come on now for how long? Please reconsider professional help, not only for yourself, but for someone you might harm in the future.