My kids dad won't spend time with them other than the minimum of visitation he is entitled to. which is every other weekend. He was a great dad before the divorce, always spending time with the kids, now he has changed because he feels since he has to pay child support he isn't obligated to. My kids goes weeks without seeing him and he lives 3 miles away. I have discussed him allowing him to get the kids whenever he wants, but yet he doesn't. Know he spends his time with his new girlfriend that has kids the same ages as ours and my kids really need their dad. I have no other family that can serve as a role model to them. I don't know what to do. Is it normal for a man to do this? My kids miss their dad and when my daughter calls him upset cause she misses him, he thinks i'm brainwashing them to try to get him to babysit them. The divorce was my doing, not his by the way. When he does get them, it's when can I bring them home, like it hinders his time. What can I do?
2007-02-11 05:06:33 · 14 answers · asked by justright73 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
A man like this really shouldn't be allowed to be around children. If he sees monetary support as equal to adult love and guidance then he isn't going to be a particularly good father. The fact is, that when you were married he paid child support in paying for food, clothing and shelter. Now that it is mandated by court he looks at it as a punishment for having children. He is behaving in a very childish manner and I suggest that until he can grow up and act like a father that you should allow someone else to serve as a positive male role model in your children's lives
2007-02-11 05:15:45 · answer #1 · answered by Nita C 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
My ex is the same way, but not because he has to pay child support, although he has just been served a court order to do so. My ex is just an *** that thinks that calling every other week and seeing them a few hours a month makes him a fantastic dad, while he spends all of his time with his gf and her baby. I have to say though I am not strung out about it, he is a jerk face and an alcoholic with a seizure disorder that he refuses to medicate and control. I have to say in MY situation my kids are better off with no dad at all. Fortunately they have a wonderful step dad that loves them and supports them financially and emotionally. Your children will do fine without him, and may be better off without him in the long run. The only advice I have for you is to never bad talk him in front of them or where they may inadvertently hear you, always tell them you love them. You will do fine.
2007-02-11 05:16:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
this is a tough one and i can sympathise with you... i have a similar situation... my x wont pay a dime and demands to see our child every weekend. ok.. the law states he has to pay child support... i would put mine in an account for my kids college fund. since i re married, we pay 250 amonth for one and 600 a month for the other. the one we pay the 600 a month for, you think shed do something for the kid with it, but shes too busy whoring around and buying herself stuff and uses drugs and is a stripper... you think shed have some $ of her own, but ... who knows what she does with the $>
in any case, divorce is hard... especially on the kids. if your ex doesnt want to see the kids, than fine. if hes that big of an ***, let it get him where it hurts(wallet). i always feel sorry for the kids, though, i only hope one day they will see with their own eyes what an *** they have for a mom, and dad... i have a hard time with this, because there are so many people involved, and so many people that will be hurt by the situation. unfortunately the kids are the ones who pay the price...
one thing i did learn... never talk bad about the other parent... yeah its hard to bite your tongue. when the ??? arrives why dad doesnt want to see the kids (and yeah, hes being an *** and harboring issues) make the best of a bad situation... USE IT TO let the kids know that YOU are there for them... go do stuff that draws attention OFF the dad and ON YOU!!! theyll see when they get older, that YOU were the one that cared, and hopefully wont have to harbor bad feelings for dad, but maybe understand. life is a long lesson... trial and error, and great things too, so show your children that eventhough dads "too busy doing whatever" you are there and will always be. i dont know if this was helpful, because i have somt of the same issues im trying to deal with, but good luck, to both us and our families!!!
2007-02-11 05:30:09 · answer #3 · answered by kim t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats sad btu you can't be responsible or change his behavior. The only thing you CAn do is be the best MOM you can be. Don't encourage any disrespect, anger, or hate for thei father. In time, he will make his way back. If not, the children will see what he's done and know becaue of YOUR actions that you at least love them no matter what. At the same time, even though he makes these crazy accusations you can't DIScourage teh kids from contacting him either. That one could come back to haunt you later. Just tell them how YOU feel, that YOU love them and want to be there. You can't change his behavior, if they ask abotu him you can only encourage them to try, try again. It will hurt, but it's got to come from him that he doesnt want to see or spend time with them.
2007-02-11 05:18:05 · answer #4 · answered by Betsy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He might feel bitter that not only did you cause the divorce but you have custody of the kids. The system is against fathers for the most part. It might not have anything to do with you, he might just feel hurt by the entire situation and I would suggest talking to him on a friend to friend level if you are both still friends. Divorce is hard and he might have to have some time to get over it. He also seems to have aquired a new family and maybe that is going to be what happens. That he doesn't want to be involved with "your" family because he has a new one. I would talk to him, and see what is going on if he will tell you.
2007-02-11 05:24:52 · answer #5 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Im only 18, my parents got divorced when I was 7. Currently my dad lives in Europe and I am in America so seeing each other is not that easy. The sad truth is that my father could care less about me. He has never paid child support, never been to my birthdays or spent a Christmas with me. My mother even invited him to my Graduation but he decided not to come. My mother was the one who decided to divorce and take me with her and I dont blame her for it one bit. My father has my email, but it has been three weeks since my birthday and has still not written to me wishing me a happy birthday...
I dont know why he does not love me...Apparently I am not the only child he left behind. Even though I dont have a father, I have a mother that truly loves me, she has become my best friend and my protector. If a father does not love his children then he does not deserve them. I do know that the first few years after the divorce I hated my mother for taking me away from my father, but now that I know the truth, I am glad that she did what she did. I have realized which people in my life really love me and my bond with them has really grown. Your kids will only understand their fathers actions later in life...my advice is to tell your kids the truth, it will hurt them but it will make them understand how much you love them. Spend as much time as you can with them, go to parks, have picnics, anything to keep their minds off their father and keep them concentrated on simply having fun.
2007-02-11 05:59:22 · answer #6 · answered by noneofyurbusiness 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Honey I tried to get my ex to see our daughter despite him knocking me and my other children around, He had a filthy temper, was extremely violent, I found out a week before I gave birth that he'd previously chased someone with a machete. And on top of that he had cannabis psycosis.
He doesn't pay a penny and never has,
I want him out of my life, When I tried to get him to be a father I was very low, and living in a refuge cos of him, I was told to leave HIM alone cos I was a fruitcake !!!!!
You have to put stability before anything,
My ex can't even be bothered to turn up at the contact center where he's supposed to see her supervised,
He saw her once on DEC 23 he didn't even get her a card, let alone a present, He didn't turn up to the last 2 visits {car trouble apparently}
It's hard but just hang in their don't play his games
2007-02-11 06:46:04 · answer #7 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the typical behavior of a typical man! My ex refuses to pay child support because he says he needs all of his money to support himself, his new girlfriend, and her 3 kids! I say he's full of it! He has 2 kids of his own that he needs to support. The only one he wants to see is our daughter, he's thrown our son away. He only has supervised visitations 2 days a month and he refuses to go to them. He says if he can't take her to his house so she can be with his girlfriend and her kids then to forget about it! I don't know why men are this way; but I do know that I have to disrupt my kids lives for 2 days every month to take them an hour away to sit in a cold stark white building and wait for this man to show up, knowing that he's not going to! But I'm sticking to my part of the visitation agreement!
I do know that you can't make your ex be the father that he needs to be. No matter how hard you try! And they always take better care of the new woman and her kids than they do their own kids! It's like they forget all about their kids as soon as they meet someone new!
2007-02-11 05:25:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
i feel ya on this one... the man you married is NOT the man you divorced, believe me. my kids (four of them) wanted to see their father also, but he too never bothered to see them.
they become an inconvience to them. some fathers are just that way. my kids would get ready, wait and then nothing... another 'no show' from the ex. no phone call, no nothing.
the only time he came around is when he was fighting for custody (often for the first 2 1/2 years after the divorce) and on father day (to get his ego stroked "oh daddy, your the best" on fathers day). my would go for years without even a phone call to them. now teens, they speak their mind to him. one time while trying to reestablish a relationship, he said to my daughter "you didnt call me this weekend", her response "you didnt call me for two years".
my point is, its common. only the good men show their true colors and show up, every time, on time. as the kids get older, they can piece things together themselves, so dont tell them any adult issues.
you cant force him to visit, you have even offered to be flexable, so you know where the problem lies.
hook up with a single parent group in your area. find one that focus's on the family, and isnt a parent 'hook up' place. my family is limited also, so move closer to any family you feel would benefit your family if need be.
you do what is best for your kids, he sure isnt.
some links to help; just click on your state and find what you need. the last few are to help you...
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/states.htm
http://www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/statebystate.htm
http://www.divorcenet.com/states
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcecentral.com/
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/calculators.htm
http://www.helpyourselfdivorce.com/child-support-calculators.html
http://family.findlaw.com/
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/
http://www.divorceinanutshell.com/
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-laws/state-child-/
http://www.supportguidelines.com/resources.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/news.html
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-basics/
http://www.ncsea.org/
http://www.nfja.org/index.shtml
FACTS AND REGIONAL FEDERAL CS OFFICE INFO
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/opa/fact_sheets/cse_factsheet.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/passport.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/fop.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/faq/faq.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_regions.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/grants/grants_cse.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/index.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html
http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.govbenefits.gov/govbenefits_en.portal
http://www.fedstats.gov/qf/
http://www.fedworld.gov/gov-links.html
FIND YOUR STATE REPS
http://www.usa.gov/
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/State_and_Territories.shtml
http://www.nga.org
http://www.naag.org/attorneys_general.php
CHILD SUPPORT LIEN NETWORK
(some states work with them)
http://www.childsupportliens.com/
COLLECTORS
http://www.supportkids.com/
http://www.supportcollectors.com/faq.php
TAX INFO
http://www.taxsites.com/index.htm
http://www.divorceinfo.com/taxes.htm
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc354.html
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc422.html
http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq4-5.html
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/advocate/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p525/index.html
http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
SEX OFFENDERS
http://www.mapsexoffenders.com/
http://www.scanusa.com/
http://www.nsopr.gov/
http://www.familywatchdog.us/Default.asp
http://www.singlemoms.org/info/main.htm
http://www.singlemotherresources.com/
http://www.angelfire.com/nj4/njcomputerchick
http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/chapterfind.asp
http://www.mowaa.org/
http://modestneeds.org/
http://freecycle.org/
http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn.nsf
http://www.redcross.org/where/chapts.asp
2007-02-11 16:46:06 · answer #9 · answered by Yvette B yvetteb 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can go to a divorce consulor and maybe work things out. and have the consulor explains things to him so that he could be able to understand whats going on. and no not every father feels that way because they understand. but just try to have him sit with a consulor and explaint o your daughter what is happening and that her father still loves her.
2007-02-11 05:14:19 · answer #10 · answered by dikdabutty56 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋