parent help??

Question

My mom always knew i had a myspace, but she didn't know what was on it. So this weekend I've been away from home and my mom called and asked for my email and pass. i didnt want to give it to her but she was getting really mad. so i gave it to her. she looked through all my messages--everything. i dont do drugs or smoke but she saw that my friends had. my parents are REALLY mad and they are never going to trust me. when they sit me down and "talk" [yell] to me, what should i say and do. it's really hard for me not to yell back even that know i shouldnt. help me.

i would never try drugs or smoke because my father is a drug addict and he is not in my life because i choose him not to be, my best friends dont do anything and im losing the friends that do do things.

Answer 1

Tell them you don't drink or smoke. Keep your cool and don't yell back. If they don't stop yelling, you could even stop engaging with them and just write them a letter later after they've calmed down. I know it sounds lame, but someone gave me that advice when I was a teenager, and my parents have never responded better than they did to that letter.

Answer 2

Perhaps your mother is trying to make sure that you dont turn out like your dad. She will trust you again, but she is just concerned. If you really feel that when she sits you down and talks to you that she only yells, perhaps you have someone in your family that can act as a mediator: a trusted aunt, an older sister, a grandmother.

Even as an adult, I have seen the problems that myspace has caused for me, so I can imagine what goes on with teens. She has a point over the dangers of myspace. Perhaps the friends of yours that are doing drugs and drinking, shouldn't be your friends. She is just looking out for you, but I understand as a teen it is hard to see that. I was a teen once too (LOL) and I remember thinking my parents were stupid, un-cool, and didn't know what they were talking about, and just wanted to keep me from having fun. Now, as a mom myself, I see just how my mom felt.

Answer 3

Make sure you keep the lines of communication open with them. If they are going to yell let them yell (it's the parents way of saying they care). If you feel you are going to yell back don't say anything. Let them get their frustrations out. Then, later when everyone has had a chance to calm down go back and let them know you want to talk to them. Tell them you understand their frustration, and let them know you don't drink or smoke. Parents (along with society) always judged by association. Let them know you have learned from your friends mistakes, and don't plan on making the same ones. However, remember also to keep your word. If you do anything to lose their trust it will be very hard for them to trust you with you decision making again.
Also, don't argue with them about looking at your myspace or e-mail. It makes them believe that you are hiding something.

Answer 4

This is tough, because I have teenaged step children, one who couldn't stay out of trouble despite herself and one who seems to be on the straight and narrow. You need to talk to them like an adult would. Think of what their issues/problems will be, and think of responses that make sense ahead of time. For example, if it were my stepson, I would be worried that these druggie friends would influence him to 'try' drugs. What can you say that would reassure your parents that won't happen? I'm not sure you can....life is all about choices and putting ourselves in good situations and surrounding ourselves with people who we have things in common. If you hang around a bunch of druggies, chances are eventually you will be exposed to drugs and/or experiment with them. I would do pretty much whatever I needed to do to keep my child from it....so, good luck, but remember your parents are worried about you, and the internet has got quite the reputation lately....

Answer 5

I would calmly tell them that you are not doing drugs and drinking. You can't stop what your friends do but you are not joining them and they are not forcing or pressuring you to. Tell them you are strong enough to resist, and that you love and respect them and yourself not to get involved with that crap. I have a sixteen year old daughter and that would work for me. Unfortunately, I found out my daughter was involved in that stuff. Although she no longer is. I am proud of you for not getting involved in that crap. It will only harm you. No good will come of it.