I am all the family gram has she is 86 and the doctor says the next fall will be the end of her as it will be a hip or her pelvis. She refuses to use her walker or have in home physical therapist which won't cost her a dime.
She is a wonderful and compassionate woman who I am proud is my gram. I can't live with her to care for her for various real reasons and she can"t with me.
I can legally petition to put her in a home like her doctor wants but then she may hate me...............................
Just lost as in what to do.
2007-02-11 04:23:23 · 5 answers · asked by thefinalresult 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I too just went through this problem with my grandparents. It is a ruff one to make the right choices. Suggest you talk it over with gran as she still has not lost her mind and ability to think right? She will respect you for being up front with her and giving her the choice to still be able to make her own decisions. Something that is important for them to do, There self worth is very important to them and if you guide her towards making the right choice you both will be much happier in the outcome. Have you check out assisted living, most are attached to a nursing home and can make the transition more comfortable for gran. That was the route I went with for my grandparents 3 years ago and just now we had to make the move to the nursing home side as they were unable to care for them self any more. they are 94 and 95. The options are there just present them to her. In assisted living they have people check on them have call lights for help have meals prepared for them and yet can still be independent. Good luck but do not force her unless you have too.
2007-02-11 04:57:49 · answer #1 · answered by mellow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a really tough decision. It's almost like parenting, you want your child/gran to be happy, but you also have a responsibility to keep her safe and out of harm. Maybe you should talk to her about this, tell her that you feel it's your responsibility to keep her from getting hurt again, and that while you can appreciate how she doesn't want to move or live with other people, perhaps you can come up with a compromise of some sort. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be dependent so much on other people, it's got to be hard. Ask her what possible solutions she can come up with on her own, and see what she says. Or present her with a problem, only use a child as the 'person' and see what she says, then tell her the actual story is you and she, so that she can gain some perspective on your point of view. Good Luck.
2007-02-11 04:39:41 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personal experience.....
My family didn't want to put my grandfather in a nursing home. My parents and I all worked full time but since my mom and I both worked within blocks of the house we thought we could do it. Well, one day I was on my way back to work from lunch with a friend and saw an older gentleman had fallen in the snow at a house about a block away from ours. On closer inspection it was my grandpa. I took my friend back to work and had to go home until someone else could get there. After that we knew it was best for him to go in a nursing home or assisted living.
Point of the story, if you don't think you can do it don't try. We thought we would be able to handle it (even with a nurse coming in a couple times a week) and couldn't. If you know that you can't take care of her then don't try. Sit her down and explain to her that it isn't possible for her to live on her own anymore. That you love her and don't want to see her hurt herself anymore. Make sure you also let her know that you will come to visit when she is in a home. Make sure you do visit her!!!! That was the saddest thing going to see my grandfather knowing that about half the people in there didn't have family that would come to visit them.
2007-02-11 05:26:51 · answer #3 · answered by cala 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is 86. Let her do what she wants. Make sure you know what she wants for end of life care so that your family can make the right decisions for her. Let her live the way she wants. If that means the eventual end, so be it. At least she will get to live her life on her own terms. She knows she needs the walker. If she chooses to be non-compliant, it is just that, HER choice. I see families at work trying to hold on too tight to older family members every day. Make sure her home is equipped for her and that she has emergency access in case she does fall. Letting her have her dignity is the BEST gift you can ever give to her. Talk to her and she will tell you.
2007-02-11 05:16:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you have a heart to heart talk with her ??
Like tell her about your delima, discuss this letter with her.
She is a proud woman who wants to hold on to her independence but she needs to use her walker, just in case she needs it, It helps, I know because I use one myself or a cane.
I can walk without but I never know when my knee is going to throw me to the floor.
Any free services like therapy, especially if they come to the house, she should not turn down. She needs to make the effort to allow these services to help her.
My step father was a mean man and he put my Mother who was dying of pancreatic cancer in a nursing home and it was terrible. I was there every day but I wish she wasn't. Roaches where everywhere and I know they had to be on my Mother at night.
I had small children at home & I neglected them to be with Mother. Sooo I wouldn't want that for myself.
I hope where you are there is not a bug problem and nursing homes have a good reputation.
God Bless you and her in your decision.~~~~Jill
2007-02-11 05:37:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋