2007-02-11 03:56:18 · 13 answers · asked by carla28al 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Depending on the circumstances, I think 6 months is more than enough time for a person to get back on their feet financially. But only you can really make that call. If she is really working at getting back on her feet and isn't causing problems in your home, let her stay as long as it takes. If you don't think she is putting forth the effort needed, then I would go ahead and set a definite time limit now, and then stick to it when the time comes.
2007-02-11 04:00:52 · answer #1 · answered by sczingal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
BEFORE you let her and her children into the home, you need to sit down with HER and MAKE A PLAN on how she is going to transition to her own place after a set period of time ... as well as general house rules, what you expect her to contribute to the household, and how you expect her to manage the children (and that if the children are damaging or destroying anything ... or stealing, what actions you will IMMEDIATELY TAKE upon discovering that situation).
This is going to be AWFULLY hard on you (the Homeowner and step-parent), so you BOTH need to know UP FRONT and PERSONAL what the conditions are for her staying and when you can expect the transition out of the home.
As an empty-Nesting Single Myself (and a Long Term Single Parent), I would NOT want any Adult Child (with Children!) in my home for anything longer than a few months -- 6 months tops. I am enjoying my freedom, and I have VIVID memories of the destruction, damage, rudeness, "attitude problems" that teens/young adults bring .. and the way that they would drag along others and just take advantage of my generosity and what I earned (including eating my food and feeding themselves WITHOUT even asking if they could have ... or saying THANK YOU). I am very leary of having others in my home .. and yes, I've experienced the Burglary of MY HOME by my ex (repeatedly -- last time August 2006 with the WILLING help of an adult child no less).
So I need to feel safe in MY HOME, and there are DEFINITE LIMITS on the time spent in the home by other ADULTS ...
2007-02-11 13:22:12 · answer #2 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I guess it just depends. We have offered for family to stay with us so that they could save up for a place of their own, and after about a year, they still hadn't saved up a dime, and I knew that it would never happen. So we made up a reason for why they needed to get their own place and basically forced them to do it, lovingly of course. Sometimes tough love is necessary, so I say, if you see that she is not getting on her feet, but standing still, then you might have to use tough love eventually...but give it about a year, if she's just gone thru a divorce or something, she may have a lot of trouble at first.
2007-02-11 12:16:58 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs structure so she can rebuild her life. You're a good person for being helpful. But don't become the enabler. Sit her down and discuss what time limits are fair between you, it should be an agreement. You should consider all the implications and set guidelines. This will disrupt your way of living now, so guidelines are only fair to you and your family.
2007-02-11 12:27:08 · answer #4 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on her situation and how much she's helping herself. But if you have to ask that question then it sounds like you don't really want her there. Otherwise you would let her stay there for as long as it took. she is your DAUGHTER. Does the STEP part really matter that much????
2007-02-11 12:03:07 · answer #5 · answered by Winnipeg76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she leaves depends on when shes ready, and when you want her out. Talk to her about this before she moves in, so even if she's not ready in 6 months, the year she promised will guarantee alone time soon!
2007-02-11 12:06:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From 6 months to 1 and ½, not more than that, they get used to it.
2007-02-11 11:59:29 · answer #7 · answered by Javy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends. Why is she NOT on her feet? Post it as a seperate question, and I'll answer it according to the situation. Hope I can help.
2007-02-11 11:59:25 · answer #8 · answered by Chica-Chic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Discuss the length of the stay before you let her just move in.
2007-02-11 11:59:06 · answer #9 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats up to you, do not forget...its your house and you are doing a favor! I agree that you should discuss the length of time previous so when its time to go you are not made out to be the bad person. people take advantage of people all the time, dont fall into it..take control of it before hand,,,good luck
2007-02-11 12:01:29 · answer #10 · answered by Heather 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋