a friend of mine has been with her fiance for 13 years. they were together 10 years before they got engaged, they got engaged just after the brought a house together. they met at university when they were both 19 and neither of them had mnay relationships before getting together. anyway they still haven't set a date for the wedding and now i'm wondering if he will ever marry her.
2007-02-11 03:21:54 · 46 answers · asked by RTTFP 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
just wanted to add its her that wanted me to come on and ask the question.
2007-02-11 03:29:48 · update #1
probably not. but maybe it doesn't matter. does she want to get married? if she does then he should do it - if he won't I'd question that. but if both of them are ambivalent about it i don't really see what the necessity of it is.
2007-02-17 09:26:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are together 13 years and bought a house together. I am sure they live together. They live like they are married right but, no ring or wedding day for her. Sorry to say your friend is playing housewife with no benefits. He has no reason to get married. He has the both of best worlds. A wife when he wants and freedom. If she pressures him now he is going to say why do we need to rush it things are going well. The paper wont change anything, I am not going anywhere. He has no fear of loss. He is looking at her as a comfortable old shoe. In his eyes they are already married, she should tell him she feels like they are married already and since they are together for 13 years and has an engagement ring she is going to plan the party. (aka the wedding) She should give him choice of dates and go from there. He will have to make a choice and either way she will get an answer and stop wondering.
2007-02-15 06:24:59 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's all very well asking other people but your friend really just needs to ask her fiance because some people have very different idea's about what an engagement means.
I mean was the engagement something she suggested/they fell into or did he do the big gesture of a surprise proposal or was it just done because it seemed like the next step and he thought it would pacify her??
She really needs to ask herself how much she wants to get married and how she would feel if her fiance turned round and said that he was truly happy how they were and that he didn't want/see the point in getting married. She needs to sit him down and talk this through because it could lead to whole lot of misunderstanding (ie; her assuming how he feels and vice versa) as he may not have a clue she's been thinking like this.
Believe me, it's so important to talk about it because no-ones opinion but your friends and her fiances matters because so many people have different views on this subject.
I have two friends on the verge of divorce currently because she assumed they would have kids after they married and has just found out after a few years of marriage that he never wants to have kids! Plus it's no good getting married just for the sake of it and if the relationship isn't working. I mean, if after 13 years she doesn't know where she is with him that she has to ask on here what might happen.
It might work out for the best all round and she might get a surprise and find he wants to set a date after all but was just waiting for her to bring it up!
Talk to him dagnammit!!
GOOD LUCK!!! :-D
2007-02-17 02:15:01 · answer #3 · answered by Bettie Page 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't buy the cow if you are getting the milk for free. Why would the guy worry about marrying her if she is acting like his wife anyway. I don't think he will ever tak initiative and help pick a date. This will end one of two ways : She will tell him a date that they are getting married and he won't say anything and go along with it because he really doesn't care either way or he will panic and that will be the end of the relationship. Either way, it needs to be done,
But is it possible that your friend in comfortable with this situation too or does she want to be married.
2007-02-18 23:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by Sara K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all that time going on, the problem I see is that they have lived a married life together without being married. This makes it easy for some to think why change anything? Another way this has been said, for men anyway is, why buy the cow if the milk is free.
If she is really wanting to marry him, she may need to have a serious heart to heart with him and explain why it's important to her to follow through with getting married. Its gonna take some compromise from both parts. For him, he needs to understand a woman's desire to have a wedding and be legally wed. For her, she needs to understand that for a man, playing house is just as good as the real thing, or living married all this time is just as good to him as being married. They both need to give a little to work on reassuring the others needs..
Good luck to your friends and its nice of you to post the Q for her.
2007-02-18 10:11:57 · answer #5 · answered by no_me_no_u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It obviously is an issue for your friend as she wouldn't have asked you to raise this question otherwise.
I'd have o say it looks doubtful after so long. If she is happy just staying as they are, then great. But if like many females, she wants the whole wedding thing then I reckon it's time for a serious chat between the two of them.
She needs to find out his intentions and let him know her feelings. Be totally up front and honest other wise she could find that she spends her whole life waiting for something that may never happen.
Good Luck x
2007-02-11 03:36:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think yes maybe when the times right for them. Ive been with my husband for 11yrs and we only got married last year. I was just 15 and he was 18 when we met. If they have just bought a house then obviously they have other things to spend their money on at the mo as weddings are'nt cheap as ive now found out! They will when they've settled into their house and made it their home and anyway i always said if its not broke why fix it!
2007-02-19 03:20:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as is they are happy and have certainly been together a lot longer than many married couples so I wouldn't worry about it! Weddings cost an absolute fortune and are completely overrated, why spend £20,000 on treating distant relatives and friends you haven't spoken to for years to a great day of partying when you can just sit back and relax and do things in your own time :)
2007-02-11 03:34:53 · answer #8 · answered by franpal_2000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what he view or defines marriage as!! Some people beleive that marraige is noting more than living with someone and whwen you get married that you complicate things!! (I don't share that opinion) So it really depends on how they both view marriage and there relationships!! Sometimes the lines are blurred when couples pretend to be married!! I wouldn't make a commitment like living with someone and purchase a home with someone that I am just dating!! Regardless the subjects needs to be address and she needs to let him know what she wants and why marriage is important to her and why she believes that there relationship needs to commit at this level. She needs to hear him and why he has reservations and they need to come to some type of agreement, or agree to review it further in counseling!! It coould be alot of things and it could be something really minute!! He is the only one thay holds that answers!!
2007-02-16 13:29:38 · answer #9 · answered by sexychocolatecity21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
within 13 years, he should have got enough for a wedding of a lifetime which normally costs £60k max. Ask the to find out where the problem is:
money?
need time?
like things the way they are?
not old enough?
not enough trust? (They have been together for 13 years, isn't that proof enough?)
want to do more things together first?
don't want to lose the magic of a gf/bf relationship?
If they have problems planning a wedding they need to go to see a wedding planner.
2007-02-11 03:32:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In California, the divorce rate is nearly 60%, which leads me to believe, anyone who can really answer whats keeps two people together deserves a metal. This couple seems to have a formula that works... even better than many married couples. It's not for me to decide, but if it's not broken, don't to fix it. Wishing the couple much love and happiness for many years to come. MS
2007-02-18 16:34:32 · answer #11 · answered by Martin Stuart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋