When a couple gets married, do you think it's fair for one partner to expect the other partner to convert to

Question

their religion? Are there people of certain religions that do this more than others? What if the person converts in public, but then after they get married they admit to their partner that they secretly still practice their "former" religion? Are there people who would consider this to be grounds for divorce?

I just want to clarify that this question is not about myself. My husband and I have been married many years and we have similar regions. I know a few people who have had this type of situation happen to them, and I wanted to see if any one else has.

Answer 1

You know that old saying "as the twig is bent so grows the tree." It probably depends on who is the most committed to their faith. But a couple must decide on this aspect of their life and study each others religion and see if it can be worked out. A person's religion is partly what makes them who they are. Even if they personally rebel against it, they most often come back to it later, since it is so ingrained in them. I don't think you should ever demand a person change their religion, but you had a right to explore each others point of view. If attitudes are very different, you should move on, before marriage and children. Yes, you truly will fall in love again.

Answer 2

There are people who would consider it grounds for divorce.

You date to learn about the person your with. There should be honesty in your relationship. If you marry and didn't know about this then it is shame on both of you for not getting all the answers to the questions. Marriage is an acceptance of each other's differences. However, if religion and belief is a major obstacle then you should have found that out before marriage. If he lied or she lied, then trust has been broken. If there is a refusal to convert and you have major issue with the belief system then divorce. Divorce is the logical step. When you marry it is a spiritual union as well as legal issue. In fact, that was the orgin of the entire ceremony whether pagan, christian, or muslim. There will be problems with two different belief systems. I'm agnostic and my wife is christian. She tried changing because I'm so adamant about my belief. I don't want her to betray her belief system and told her so. I feel guilty and she feels empty. Don't partner up if you don't believe the same way.

Answer 3

I think religion is something you need to decide on before getting married. Personally, I couldn't marry someone who doesn't believe the same as I do. If either or both of you attend religious services, it would become awkward if you have different beliefs, or maybe just lonely. Most people who feel strongly about their beliefs would not be able to deal with this after a few years and may consider it to be a bad foundation for the marriage. It would be even worse if one partner is "secretly" practicing a different religion. I have ended relationships for that reason because it shows a lack of ability to trust that person.

Another thing to consider is how future kids would be raised. If one or both parents have religious beliefs that the other does not agree with or support, how do you teach your kids about spirituality?

Answer 4

the way i see it, religion is a topic that should be discussed probably right after or even before a couple meet. marriage is a big deal. you should have the same goals in life and religion is something that should be discussed before marriage. if you believe you can work it out with two different religions, then great. but to ask someone to convert, especially by using guilt or some other form of coercion, is horrible and would lead to a very uncomfortable marriage. it is definitely a grounds for divorce because you are hindering yourself or your spouse from following their beliefs. religion is something you feel in your heart and spirit. someone asking you to give it up for something else is like someone saying to eat vanilla instead of chocolate even though you like chocolate best. dont let someone choose for you unless you're ready to make that change. dont get married with religion up in the air. settle that matter first...and i advise you to do it as soon as you meet someone. i did and it makes the relationship so much easier especially when you talk about the future.

Answer 5

A religion that requires children to be brought up in the faith has instructions before the marriage for the couple. This should have been one of those issues discussed and settled beforehand.
Did one marry the other based on the religion of the other person or because they loved them and would work to solve their problems together? as for divorce over this I would first go as a couple to the priest, pastor, or whatever is the name of the head of that church and talk it over and get it out in the open between the two. Good Luck for a Happy Life

Answer 6

It's fair if it was discussed and agreed to before marriage. For some religions and for some people, this is a deal-breaker; others don't care. If my husband only pretended to convert before marriage, I would feel betrayed and deeply hurt that he would deceive me into a marriage he knew I wouldn't want.

Biblically, I wouldn't consider it grounds for divorce, as the Bible says that if the unbeliever is willing to stay, let him stay (although that was addressing an issue where one member converted after marriage, so the situation is not the same).

I would have a hard time feeling close to someone who would deceive me into entering a marriage he knew I would object to, just so that he could marry me. How selfish could he be!

Answer 7

If you're not OK with the person as he or she is, why are you getting married in the first place?

I imagine that there are people out there who *hope* that their partner will convert after marriage, but that had best not be a deal-breaker on the marriage.

I have no ideas of how often this may happen. Not often, I hope, because it's an unrealistic expectation on which to build a life together.

Answer 8

Well, they really should have talked about their feelings before they got married. If they don't have honestly before they get married about their chosen religions, then it wouldn't have been a very good marriage in the first place.

Divorce is normally considered "bad" by a religion, but it wouldn't really matter if they praticed two different religions.

I don't think it's fair that one part of the couple should make the other convert. My mom was Catholic and my dad was never really religious (a bit of a Baptist) and my mother still went to church and even took all of my siblings (for some reason I was never baptized or went to the Catholic church with my family).

My parents just celebrated their 25th anniversary last year and they're very happy together.

Answer 9

Lots of questions here.

Do I think its fair? I dont know honestly depends on why the person would want the other to convert.

I mean if I was going to get married, Id think about the children and I wouldnt want to create a mess in their heads by allowing them to grow up in a house with two different religions. So yes I would probably want my husband to convert, or vice versa if he can convince me ^^

If people havent been honest with each other, that could be a reason for divorce yes. But it all depends on what the two sides think. Sometimes, forgiving is a better measure.

Answer 10

A couple should have the issue of "religion" settled long before marriage. Both people should be of the same "religion" and equally committed (or uncommitted) to it.
Lying to ones partner is very serious and may be an "irreconcilable difference." That sort of problem is listed as the cause of many divorces.