What does one do when your girlfriend says she wants to spend the rest of her life with you without marriage?

Question

My girlfriend says that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me but never wants to get married. The reason she gave for this is her parents. They can't communicate with one another and have grown apart. I don't want to have to pay for her parents' lack of communication.

Answer 1

Some people are afraid of a legal marriage because of what has happened to them in the past - or what they watched their parents go through.

How does she view you - as her boyfriend or as her husband? Marriage is a commitment between two people - and if the belief is there- God. Marriage is when the two of you pledge to one another that you will always be there, always be by each other's side and will always love each other. A peice of paper from the state can't make you married. There are a lot of people in legal marriages that are suffering because there is no love and commitment.

Talk to her about how she feels. And giver her some time. She may be more willing to be married legally in the future. A lot of times people have had the experience of a spouse changing after the paper work is signed. She may be afraid that something will suddenly happen between the two of you if you document your marriage. Keep that in mind.

She sounds like she's ready to make a life long commitment to you. There are a lot of couples out there that have lived for years as husband and wife without ever getting it on paper. And many last a lifetime.

*edit*

Also, if there is not legal marriage make sure that will's and other documents are straight from the get go. This will ensure legal rights and standing in the event of something unfortunate happening. Families can be very bitter during this time - and without documentation you may have no chance.

Answer 2

Just because people get married does not guarantee that they are going grow apart and not be able to communicate with each other. That happens in couples all the time. Whether or not a marriage license is involved. You have to decide if you are going to be happy living the rest of your life with someone who will not ever marry you. At least she was upfront with you about that fact. It almost sounds like it will make it easier for her to leave if things go bad if there is no Mrs. in front of her name. If you truly love someone you have to have faith that things will work out well. Take that leap and get married. Not all couples fall apart when they get married. Some are committed and in love until the day they die. You have to decide if you are willing to accept the terms she is offering or if you want more from someone. Take some time and think it through and when you decide stick to your guns. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

If that's a dealbreaker for you, tell her.

1) You have just as much chance of growing apart and having sucky communication if you shack up, as you do if you wed.

2) She is not her parents.

3) As unromantic as this sounds, marriage confers a legal status and standing. You don't want to be in a position where one of you is hospitalized (or dead) and the other is frozen out by bitter relatives who never approved of you in the first place. There are probably some folks in LGBT who could share a horror story or two about this.

4) While it's almost as "easy" to walk away from a marriage as it is to walk away from a cohabitation, it's not AS easy. I'd hate to put many years into a relationship and know that I could be dropped at any time: "Yeah, I cheated. It's not like we were married." "Dear John, I ran off to Vegas to marry your best friend. Lasagna's in the microwave. Bye."

If you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman, a promising start would be communicating with her about what you can and can't live with. If this is a dealbreaker, she needs to know.

Answer 4

Well, it's an arrangement that more and more people have these days. It totally depends on how you feel about marriage. If you think that you wouldn't be able to stay with her without being married forever, then you might want to consider moving on. But if you love her, maybe you can work something out. Personally, I think long term relationships without marriage work just as well. The commitment is there...you're staying in the relationship. The only difference is that you sign some papers if you get married. You need to decide what you want-whether the marriage, or staying with her is more important. Good luck!

Answer 5

Well sweetie thats right you shouldn't have to pay for the way her parents are.... But I know where she's coming from, but just tell her that she doesn't have to fall into her parents footsteps, all she has to do is realize that it takes a 50/50 in any relationship to make it work. So if she really does want to get married but is scared cause of her parents life turned out to be. Then she needs to make sure she has honesty,trust,communication,love in her relationship then she should be fine. But for you listen to be in love with someone and spend the rest of your life doesn't mean yall have to get married. You don't need a piece of paper saying that yall are going to spend the rest of yalls life together, all you need is to know it in yalls heart and know that yall are willing to put yalls life on everything yall got to make it together. Well good luck and I hope yall work through this but remember if you truely love this girl and you've given her your opinion and she still doesn't come around just ask your self do i really need some paper to prove that i love her?

Answer 6

Think it over. Are you really willing to live with someone and never get married? Have kids? Everything?

Talk to her about how you feel. Suggest getting married in secret, and telling her parents later. You can do a very small, quiet ceremony, and then once things are figured out with her parents, you can renew your vows with flowers, guests and a white dress.

Try to give her some time, though. You can live together for as long as you want without getting married, so wait, and see what happens.

Answer 7

Well, how long have you been dating? If it's only a short while, then maybe both of you are jumping the gun talking about marriage. However, if you know that you want to be married and raise kids and have a traditional life (which I support and think is the best way to raise kids) then maybe you have the wrong girl? What other major life decisions do the two of you disagree on?

Answer 8

You can assure her that the lack of a marriage agreement does not prevent communication issues either.

I think that's a pretty lame excuse for not getting married. There are probably other issues (and that's a communication problem already) underneath the parental excuse that she is not willing to discuss.

Talk to her about HER OWN communication issues before you talk about marriage any further. If she won't, marry someone else.

Answer 9

Be patient and take the time to talk and learn more. She may be afraid of the commitment, she may be afraid of the parents, or other things. Also, encourage her to communicate with you. Helping to show her over months and months of being together that you are not going to let things down like that will bring her around to the idea of marriage in time. Having said that.... take the time to learn about her. Dont rush into marriage, for it SHOULD be the last decision you have to make in your personal life of such a nature. Too many jump in, and then a year later decide its too hard or other such nonsense....... spend time to make sure she is the right one, and then STICK with the commitment.

Answer 10

You have to determine your own values on the subject. Some people feel very strongly on the subject of marriage and could not live with that arrangement. Others view marriage as unnecessary as the commitment is made by the people and simply stating it in a courthouse or church doesn't not mean that it can not fail. Divorces happen everyday and the children who grow up in a broken home may be wary of marriage because of their past. Talk with her in a open and honest way about it. It is up to you and your values whether or not you can live with this kind of arrangement, but give her a fair chance.