Friend's dinner cost $11, she only gave me $12; should I have asked her for another dollar?

Question

Last night I went out to dinner with my friend. The total tab came out to a little over $25, with hers costing over $11 and mine costing over $13. When it came time to pay the bill, I said I would put it on my credit card, and she could give me cash. She said, "I'll give you $12" and handed over $12 in cash. She then instructed me to put down about $4 in tip on my credit card... so essentially, I ended up paying almost the entire tip for our meal.

I feel that she should have given me $13 instead of $12 so that it would have been closer to 15% of her total. I know it's only a dollar, but it's the principle of the whole thing--I know she can do the math and that she knows she hadn't given me enough to cover her tip. Next time she does something like this, should I ask her to put down a little more?

Answer 1

This is pretty funny. People can be split into those who think it's no big deal to take from their friends, and those who never take but always seem to get taken. You can see what type of person your friend is, and you can clearly see how each of your responders is.

You can get a lot of info from your question. She's cheap, thinks it's no big deal to skim a dollar ("it's only a dollar, what does it matter if it's YOUR dollar") and yet somehow feels justified telling you how much tip to leave. She knew exactly what she was doing, because if she really was short a dollar she would have expressly said so (you would have, wouldn't you?). And yet (knowing that she indeed is) she doesn't want to appear cheap - so she makes sure you foot the extra tip.

What's funny is how many people identify with this behavior, embrace it, then jump on YOU for being meager. It's very interesting to see who finds it perfectly acceptable to steal and take advantage of their "friends".

Ultimately you have to learn from this. She is a taker - she will never give you a dollar simply because it's a friendly thing to do. She will, however, forever try to get that extra buck, or forget to return a CD, or pay for lunch if you get dinner when you both know dinner will be twice as much. That's who she is. You have to guard yourself against her. Next time split the check. Insist on taking the cheaper expense, if expense must be divided. Do not allow her to offer money; instead, next time say "why don't you give me $13 for your bill and tip". Let HER be the one to say "No, I'm only giving your $12." Try this: Let her pay on her card, then you only offer the bear minimum. See what she says, especially if you then tell her to leave extra for the tip. I'd bet 100 bucks she'll ORDER you to add a dollar before her brain has a chance to process your words. That's who she is.

Eventually she'll understand you know her game and won't be taken advantage of. Eventually she'll either get frustrated and the friendship will end (no big loss), or she'll accept you on your terms and you'll have a real friendship.

And when you reread your answers, just laugh at the hypocritical people call you out for being cheap. I did.

Answer 2

I know, I know - it's the little things that just eat you up, isn't it? I have been here too - when you go out with a friend and you get all of it put on one tab and it always works out that you end up footing the whole thing practically. I wouldn't say anything over a dollar - heck, I've been taken for a lot more than that. Check this one out - I went out with a friend to a "sit down" restaurant and she immediately starts with the "Oh, I only have ten dollars,,,,, on and on... and this costs 12..... I really want it too...." so I say, If you want it, get it. I'll get the rest. Immediately she goes to the NEXT section on the menu to the steaks and stuff and sure enough - orders a steak near 20 bucks. I don't like to confront people and was kind of in shock - but damned if I didn't let her do it to me. So then when the bill comes she pulls the whole, I only have this ten dollars to last me till next payday - I really shouldn't have done this - b/c i need gas and all." UGH. I learned a valuable lesson on this one - YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU - and I taught her I was a door mat. Now if I go out to eat with someone, I will make sure I have cash - even if it means going out of my way - that way when the bill comes, I can say "I owe this - you owe that - "

Answer 3

Ask her for the tip money.

You can do this by taking one dollar out of the $12 for the tip, then tell her that she owes you another dollar for her meal. That may seem backwards, but it will show her that the tip she insisted should be paid will not leave enough money to pay for her meal.

She may have had a temporary lapse in thinking and not realized that she did not contribute enough money. Give her the benefit of the doubt. If she objects, get separate checks.

Answer 4

Tipping is so PATHETICALLY ridiculous, thats why we don't have it ! If friends would argue over a $ than obviously your not really friends.

The closest we ever come to tipping here is letting them "keep the change" but only if you either REALLY loved the meal or service or just didn't wont the inconvienience of carrying around extra change ! We don't have $ notes anymore, but coins instead - same with the $2 coin ! (which does kind of suck) thus more change is left everywhere.

Although tipping is not customery, everyone is paid a lot more, so they don't go looking for tips or expecting them - which is considered just plain rude ! However when someone does "keep the change" its just a nice gesture ! (gotta be good though!)

Dear PrivateP, "we" darling as in non-Americans, don't be so typically arrogant to believe the world consist of the USA.
Some countries have "advanced" wage systems where even hospitaltity staff are paid penalty rates and shift allowances and not a measly $2.80 an hour hunny - think dear please !

Answer 5

Snub her. She deserves it.

And Wayne A, please remember you ARE on yahoo, which is an American board. And tipping, while it may not be customary in the UK, is the custom in America. While rare, there are a few total jerks in America who think it's ok to stiff a waitress her tip simply to save a few pennies and are vocal about it here on (American) yahoo. She was just reacting because she thought you were one of them.

Given the circumstances, it's perfectly understandable she would mistake a perfectly ordinary Brit for a complete son-of-a-b*tch assh*le American.

Answer 6

I think it depends on how you are going to feel if you do. I don't see any problem is saying "I got the tip last time, your turn". But if you're going to stress about it, then just know that you gave your server a nice tip and feel good about that.

Answer 7

Don't sweat it over this once, she may've been absent-minded or even people who can do math may make an error. Unless you're very tight on money let it go... but don't let it become a habit. If she tries it again next time then it's pretty obvious she does it on purpose, then either ask her for the extra dollar or ask for seperate bills.

Answer 8

Your Right = but so what >>>how easy other people and circumstances can offend us/////But we so easily see the shortfalls of a person or circumstances >> in time with practice that will not stop BUT You can Instead train u 2 see the positive in any circumstance ( just allows you another level) and then with 2 choices 1/she shorted me=unfair OR 2/. Yes true but I (maybe) enjoyed the evening & companionship?? you can make anything !!! mean whatever u want (empowering it is) MM

Answer 9

I in no way supply bums funds. I grant to purchase them nutrition, which maximum discover a reason to say no which tells me they have been going to apply my funds for drugs. If I did however...i could at the instant grab it back. If i could no longer, i could merely turn around and walk away and which could be my final time giving my annoying earned funds to drug addicted bums.

Answer 10

if its bugging you that means you should have asked her for her half of the tip. Personally friends and I don't quibble over a few bucks but I have coworkers that consistently come up short when it comes to paying their tab. Experience will teach you who to ask for separate checks with and who to have give and take with. Treat people how you would like to be treated, but don't be taken advantage of