is it normal for a father to shout at his 19 yr old daughter and give her rules and orders -?

Question

she is a uni student, lives abroad, and would like to have full independance without her parents always pressurizing her and putting stress....
he's strict and always wants everything to be 'perfect' to the extent that his daughter doesnt care anymore and cant show affection towards her parents and is always stressed and not 'happy'

Answer 1

sound like her dad still treats her as a child hes going to end up losing her as she is doing ok for herself goodluck to her and if i was her dad i would back of before its to late

Answer 2

Normal? No. But his parenting "skill" is obviously stretched to the limit, perhaps as a result of stresses in his occupation, or rooted to a feudal sytem that belongs to the past. If the dad is unreasonable, then this is due to a stereotypic emotional response of uneducated parents who rule by the rod.

I am sorry to say from what you say, it appears that the daughter has not done enough to prove to her parents any reassurance of her maturity. Maybe she still acts or dresses up and behaves like a child, who knows.

Usually these type of parents will think better of their offsprings when the offsprings shows any interest in a family business, investments, and anything to do with creating wealth to help out with family finances.

If the daughter is completely self engrossed with gaining her own experiences with the world and mindless of where the money is coming from, her parents most definitely will treat her that way.

I suggest that whenever she comes home between university breaks, to volunteer to work at the family business, offer to do chores in the house, ask her parents what she can do for them to give THEM (the parents) a break.

That will go a long way to gaining their respect for her. They might even say no , dont worry, but her general awareness of them and their sacrifices will be duly noted and bragged to their peers.

Answer 3

Usually when someone shouts it's because they feel they are not being heard. A person's desire for someone elses perfection is usually an indication that they are too aware of their own failings. If the daughter is still dependent on her parents, ie: finacial, then her independence is a no go. Perhaps if she were to write her dad a letter confirming that he has been heard and expressing her own feelings, a new door of communication might open. Good luck!

Answer 4

Yes! If the parent is paying for anything in her life, a car, clothes, food, housing, schooling, doctor bills, anything yes! As a parent of 5 my youngest 16, you have the right. There is a point where I guess this can come to an extreme, but if she is doing things that are wrong or immoral, or un-ethical, yes, he has every right. Now on the other hand if he is just getting pissy cause she goes to the wrong restaurant, then that is to excessive. Advise this girl to approach her parents about how she is feeling, but tell her to do it with utmost respect and to be really careful, if she is dependant on them in any way she doesn't want to burn a bridge. However if she is in no way dependant of them then SCREW THEM!

Answer 5

As long as she's living at home, yes. It's the parent reflex. He shouts because either she doesn't listen (or pretends not to hear) or because he feels intimidated...she's growing up and he feels his control is slipping.
But if she "lives abroad" I don't see the problem, unless you're talking about the times she visits the parents.

Answer 6

We are having a child in June and the baby is going to be a girl. I am buying a shotgun to celebrate the occassion. I was a young boy once and I pulled all sorts of crap. He always will see his little girl.

Answer 7

He can try but he may loose his daughter in the end. She's a grown woman free to do as she pleases. Actually the stress he causes may effect her performance or desire to complete school.

Answer 8

shouting will not work since its forcing her to follow whatever she wants - best advise - LISTEN and TALK to her as an adult. This may be hard but is doable.... Dialogue works,,, shouting will not

Answer 9

Thats just how it is....meaning til the day that you die your parents are going to try and tell you what to do...mine still do and i'm 24...but b/c i'm on my own I don't always listen to everything they tell me to do.

Answer 10

Its normal, but they shouldn't. they will always think of her as their Little child. she needs to sit down and talk to them and tell them how she feels. she needs to tell them that she is an adult now and can make her own decision, and if she makes a mistake she will learn from it. good luck.