Do you feel that asking 'How are you' is a mostly useless greeting?

Question

Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that we should stop caring about one another, but isn't "How are you?" always followed by "fine" or just "good"?

How about just saying, "Hello, I hope you've been well." I feel this conveys my interest in one's well-being without having to ask a question that the person being greeted may not want to answer honestly.

Does anyone answer with anything other than "fine"? Just to change the pace and make people around me more attentive, when I'm asked, my reply is "Just fair, thanks, and I hope you've been well."

Then if the person I'm greeting wants to tell me about the accident s/he had or about the argument he had with his spouse, okay, I'm ready to listen. But if we're always going to answer with "fine," then I don't see the point and I propose we change our standard greeting to, "Hello, I hope you've been well."

What do you think? Thanks in advance for your answers ... and have a good one.

Answer 1

I don't mind the change of greeting, but I don't see it panning out (unless you go for broke and spend lots of money in advertising the change, lol). However, I don't think the current greeting is useless unless you ask, get asked by the answerer, and then don't say anything back. That drives me crazy.
"Hey, how are you?"
"I'm good, and you?"
....Nothing. Don't ask if you're not willing to answer when THEY ask.

There needs to be a completion of the greeting. It's just done out of courtesy, so whether you're actually good or not isn't relevant. It's the act of recognizing the other person that's important.

Answer 2

Just like anything you say to people, it does depend on how you say it and who you say it to. But, I think you've got a point. It begins to have the same meaning as a grunt when it is used in an automatic way. You've got to mean what you say before you get a meaningful response.

I think, in it's automatic, meaningless sense then the responses you mentioned are passable but otherwise there are many variations. e.g. 'Yeah, rosy !.' etc. that can vary speech providing it's apropriate to the context e.g. relationship of the people conversing, place and time etc.

There is an inference loaded into "I hope you've been well." The addressee may interpret it to mean: "You often get ill."

You could put 'Yeah' in front of 'Fine.' But variation of response is not just word choice but in intonation choice, i.e. rise or falling tone, rhythm and stress.

There are times when you are not really asking a person if they are, 'fine'. You are just acknowledging their presence in a polite way.

I hope this at least generates some discussion for you.

Answer 3

It's amazing to me how often that question gets either ignored or repeated without an answer. But changing the greeting to hope you've been well is just as useless. Like the question it can be ignored, repeated, or elaborated upon in the same consistency. it's really just more words to say, and while it doesn't cut the other person off exactly it isn't exactly as open ended as the question.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

to me your answer is like asking how are you.....the I hope you've been well is the same as saying how are you. They could still reply "fine"
When I am asked this at work because I am always working (for a doctor) if its a bad day I just laugh and say "don't ask" then they laugh or say back "oh that bad huh" and its passed
or I say "you really don't want to hear it all" and laugh...its a good way to begin a friendly talk between patients for then I ask them about them and am sorry am having to see them at the doctors office for sickness and not a checkup.....

Answer 6

If You always say Hello (with a personal question added) 1/ the other person will be more responsive >> instead of the auto FINE 2/ do this consistently only if YOU ! really care about the other person or situation = and in time others will really feel your EMPATHY = because it is Genuine NOT JUST A SOCIAL Gesture GL MM

Answer 7

It seems just a little more cordial to say a bit more than "hello" in passing and we've settled on "how are you?" even though we don't need or want a detailed answer. That usually works out pretty well but I have one woman in our apartment complex that you'd better stick to just "hello" unless you've got 45 minutes to hear about her ailments and the problems she's having with her bowels. CRIKEY!

Answer 8

Every now and then when I'm feeling snarky, I'll respond to "how are you" with "I'm walking barefoot on the razor's edge between fine and dandy, and it's a long, long way down."

That shuts 'em the hell up, let me tell you.

The how are you/fine is not the worst offender, though. That honor goes to "how was your weekend," asked by people who aren't close enough to you to 1) be told the truth, or 2) give a rat's a-s if they WERE told the truth.

"How was your weekend" is so pervasive that it's actually in management courses. Ask and establish a rapport with your workers...riiiiight. When a manager asks me that question, I feel like it's a checklist item.

Answer 9

For work situations, it is useless. I started only saying "Hi." If someone says "How are you?" I say "fine." I never ask them. That ends it. Most of the time they never ask again.
I never ask "How was your weekend?" cause I don't want to know what they did. I don't want them to know what I did, so when they ask me, I just give a curt reply "ok". Sometimes they try hard. They'll even say "Did you do anything exciting?" My answer "nope." "Did you go anywhere?" My answer "nope."
The worst two-faced-ness is when office people will not speak to you all week when they see you actually working on the production floor (since your a lowly worker). Then when your out shopping somewhere they all of a sudden speak "Hi, How are you?" My general rule: If someone never speaks to me AT work, I am not going to speak to them OUTSIDE work.

Answer 10

i think people just ask how you are to be polit and donh't really want to know how really are or what you've been doing or going through so i always answer "fine and how are you" if they start talking about how thing are then i listen to what they have to say and go from their i find that works well