I am a 20 year old who I think is pretty good looking with a well educated mind. However, I have never had a boyfriend! I looovvveee to chase men - the more unavailable, the better, but once I actually get what I want, I freak out! I went on a date with a guy I thought I had liked for about a year, and I was worried sick about it all week. When it finally came I was nauseous the whole way through, I didn't even want him to touch me. Also, I seem to have to have a strong physical attraction, or else that makes me more nervous and sick! Now the thought of getting intimate with anyone has me running to the hills - could it have something to do with my incredibly low self esteem I think no one could possibly ever really like me?
2007-02-11 00:00:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Look, all I got to say is that you are just waiting for the right person, you see there is a difference between like and love. Yes you may like him but not love him. I think when you are ready you will be ready. It is not about low self esteem, it is about you. You want to take it slow so you will be ready when you are so for now enjoy life the way it is.
2007-02-11 00:13:39 · answer #1 · answered by hawaiian228 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you enjoy the chase instead of the actual conquest. You said that you set yourself up for unattainable men - why? Do you do this because you just want the risk and high emotions involved? Or do you really want to be with them?
You set yourself up for a fall. You pick men that you see as unavailable, and when you get them you want nothing else to do with them. It sounds like you were never really planned to have a relationship with them, let alone any type of intimacy.
Personally - I would just stop for a while. Look at the people you've chosen in the past. Have they been the type of man that you would REALLY like to go out with? Or should go out with? Have you been truly attracted to these men, or just to the idea of winning them?
The fear of being intimate probably stems from fears of truly being able to share yourself with someone. You sound like you have yourself all locked up, and when the opportunity comes to reach out, you run. There's something there that needs to be worked out. Only you know what the problem is. It can help to talk to someone, including a therapist, to explore what the underlying issue is.
You know that people like you on the surface - otherwise they wouldn't be going out with you. You are afraid that there's something wrong with you, something not quite right that will make them leave. So you do it first. Again, only you know what this is.
The only way to get over something like this is to be able to like yourself, and respect yourself. Otherwise, you will never give anyone the chance to really get to know you.
2007-02-11 00:17:50 · answer #2 · answered by noncrazed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could have something to do with low self asteem. It doesn't seem like you're ready to be involved though. Take your time and things will just happen naturally. You said you went out with a guy "you thought" you liked. Maybe he just isn't the one yet. I think once you meet the one guy for you. Things will be more comfortable for you. you'll be able to feel it.
Why is it that you think you have low self asteem?
2007-02-11 00:07:00 · answer #3 · answered by engineer46526 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may never hear from you again, but please do this for me, each morning that you get up, (give yourself a few extra minutes for this) Name 2 things that you like about yourself, and tell that to yourself that standing in the mirror, During the day, think about one or two things that you would like to change about yourself, find some thing to replace it with. It must begin with with you, you may want to see a counselor, for more extended help.......Good Luck. FOR EVERYONE IN THE UNIVERSE, THERE IS LOVE
2007-02-11 00:23:04 · answer #4 · answered by Ann J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm kinda the same way... I luv the chase but once I know I can get it, it's like i don't want it....I know i'm afraid to get into a relationship b/c i don't trust anyone(relationship wise). I have had boyfriends in the past and I don't know if they have cheated on me or not....men r so sneaky.
2007-02-11 00:09:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea... u really need to see a psychiatrist to boost up ur confidence level or maybe to cure ur illness towards intimacy...
2007-02-11 00:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by aurora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try jack daniels and let the heavens in masturbation can bring feelings of guilt also so dont do that either then you will really need him
2007-02-11 00:07:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk about it with your friend and you may feel more comfortable after getting it off your chest of your feelings
2007-02-11 00:06:16 · answer #8 · answered by gasmanfart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, u have all the fancies already in your head but somehow, u're not ready yet......u're still young.....give yourself more time.....u'll get used to it.....
2007-02-11 00:06:24 · answer #9 · answered by Marijuana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
now be a sport
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2007-02-11 00:04:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋