Over the past 4 years my GF has lost her father, step-mother and now her mother. She inherited everything, except $10 to each of the surviving relatives. She inherited several hundred thousand dollars, plus land and 2 homes. She wants to sell the homes but they are full of furniture, need to be cleaned, paper's gone through etc. She works a full time job and could retire but doesn't. I'm retired already, we both want to move to another state, but she says she can't until these houses are cleaned out and sold.
Yet every weekend she just comes home and lays in bed and does nothing. She won't let me go and pack up the stuff in those houses and get them ready for market. Then she get's mad because there is so much to do at these 2 houses and it's not getting done. How do i motivate her to get off her butt and do it. Or should i just go pack everything and put in our garage and do the work myself at this rate we'll never be ready to move in mid summer.
2007-02-10 23:15:52 · 6 answers · asked by michael_trussell 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dude, A Little respect, here. Give The Lady, some space. I see that you've never lost someone. It's heavy on anyone. Especially that many at such a close time. Help her. Don't hinder the Recovery. It's gonna take time. Be a Man and Help out!
2007-02-10 23:20:47 · answer #1 · answered by Goggles 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As you are not working try to avoid nagging just keep working around the house and cooking great meals. You could also take on extra learning courses perhaps learn a new language for travelling but do not put any pressure on your partner she has gone through a lot and time will heal the pain but you have to be patient,loving and extra considerate. There is no rush so calm down and try to be excited and energetic about other things. Her work will wait offer your help perhaps suggest that with the two of you working it will not take as long but do not criticise as there really is no reason to rush things if she is not ready. Don't go on about it it is not your task only if you are asked so hands off be loving be kind but don't be pushy ......patience and happiness are needed here not criticism be happy with other aspects of your togetherness.... perhaps get a new pet that takes up your time so that you are not so concerned about what she is or is not doing after all there is no right or wrong way just a peaceful way and you are not helping so please try to be a more helpful mate and not be bossy
2007-02-10 23:41:03 · answer #2 · answered by njss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me she is very depressed and needs some time to mourn. Once the houses are sold and cleaned out then those memories she had in the homes are gone. Maybe she isnt ready to let go of the past. I would hang in there with her and when she complains about nothing getting done, suggest you go with her and do a little bit at a time. Do either one of you have kids that can help? Also since you are retired and she works, offer to go start packing stuff up while she is at work. Tell her you wont throw anything away until she has a chance to look through it. I would also start talking to her about your moving to another state and the fresh new look on life you will have. Maybe if you start talking up the move and how great it will be it may motivate her to want to move. But to me she sounds depressed. When someone is very depressed they want to sleep alot. And I am sure the stress of a job and knowing all that has to be done has got her down. Be patient with her, and if you know where you are moving to, call there Chamber of Commerce and have them send you a packet on what all there is to do where you are moving. Once your girlfriend sees how the new town will be it may motivate her. Hang in there with her, be patient and try not to push her to hard.
2007-02-10 23:45:28 · answer #3 · answered by helen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds depressed.
I would just get to the cleaning myself and hope nothing important gets given away.
Many people sell homes fully furnished, because of these situations. They remove the personal items and leave the furniture for the new owners.
Hope this helps.
2007-02-10 23:22:05 · answer #4 · answered by eyes_of_iceblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her it's time to do what we have to do to these houses. you better take two weeks off from work or I'm going to have to do this my self we have to get this stuff done and by ( give a date ) we need to have these houses on the market and we need to start getting our life on the right track . good luck to you and your girl friend
2007-02-10 23:42:31 · answer #5 · answered by Libra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
subcounsciously she probably doesnt want to sell the houses because she had memories in them. selling the houses would mean letting go of her family memories, treasures etc. must be hard. i know of people who had family members die and they leave the deceased members room just the way it is because thats they dont want to accept the change.
must be hard for her.
maybe its best you do it yourself. or just pretend you're both gonna drive to the store, make a pit stop to one of the houses. make her remininsce about different pieces there. once you're there taking the pieces and putting them away would be much easier.
EDIT: better yet tell her that you should set up a specific place in YOUR home to put all the stuff in
2007-02-10 23:23:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋