Valentines day card, is this wrong?

Question

My ex split with me about 4 months ago, we were together for almost 4 years.

I found out that she's been seeing someone else for the last month but I'm still very much in love with her and I know she cares for me a lot still.

I've written her a long letter saying things that I should've said to her when we were going out with each other and telling her how much I loved her and how much she ment to me.
I've also talking about mistakes I made when going out with her, lack of communication amoung other things. I basically open my heart to her and say that regardless of the fact that she's seeing someone I still love her and that I want her to know how important she is to me.

I've put the letter in a Valentines day card that I will give to her on monday when I see her.

I admit that what I want more than anything is for her to go back out with me but regardless of that I feel I have to tell her how I still feel.

Is any of this wrong? Does this sound like the wrong approach?

Desperation maybe, but unfortunately I feel like if I don't tell her this now I might not get another chance.

I feel like I need to say these things to her before we drift apart completely or before she falls in love with someone else.

So why did we split?

We didn't fall out of love with each other, we just weren't comunicating as we should have.

She said that she still loved me when we split but that she couldn't continue as things were.
We never argued which might have been a bad thing.

After being split from her for 4 months I realise where I went wrong. That I should've told her I loved her completely, complimented her, made her feel special but it seemed like after 4 years it was just plodding along.

So that's why we split.

Answer 1

I think you should just give her the letter but not a Valentines Card. She's seeing someone else now and it just doesn't seem right. She's not yours anymore - I think the Valentine card might just tip the scales against you.

That said, it's encouraging from your point of view that she's even in contact with you still, now that she has a new man in her life. I know I wouldn't still be in contact with my ex at all, if I were with someone else, and my man would find it totally unacceptable if I were to do so.

Answer 2

At least you have realised where you went wrong but it always takes two in a relationship to make or break it. You have done nothing wrong by writing the letter and sending her a card, she may rip it up, who knows. The thing is you have got it off your chest and you feel better for doing that. What you have to sit down and think about is this - if she wanted to get back with you and give it another go would you be able to make the necessary changes you have realised you needed to make in order to continue an ongoing happy relationship with her. To have lasted 4 years you must have meant something to each other but you both have to make the right changes, not just you. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm afraid to say, it's wrong. You have to move on. You split for a reason. Look, if you drop a plate and it breaks in two, you could glue it together again, but it'll always be broken. The same happened to me a few years back. I was in a relationship longer than yours and the other party instigated the split. You have to find a way to move on. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and put your chin up. Do different things to what you did before to meet new friends. The right one will come along. I didn't believe that I would know how to love again or trust someone with my heart. And if I thought my ex was brilliant, my god! my partner now is 10 times better! I'm exceedingly happy now and my partner and I were married 18months ago! I am lucky to have someone who respects and loves me so much! You will find your special someone, but not in your ex. Your ex seeing somebody else should be your wake up call that they have moved on & you know that in their heart, it's not you who they care for. It's heartbreaking I know, but it's also what you need to realise that there is a new path ahead of you now and you just have to see where it takes you. Be happy! It just takes time. I thought I was over my ex but when we met up for a chat 13mths after we split, I realised they cared about somebody else. It was my wake up call, it felt like a chapter had closed in my book and I truly felt free! A month later I met someone else on a friendship basis, and before I knew it, my feelings developed. We married 21 months after we met, and as I said, we've been married for 18mths and have our own home & are very much in love. It can happen for you too. Take a deep breath each morning and take each day as it comes. Love finds you when you least expect it!

Answer 4

I've got so much respect for you reading that. It takes a real man to look past his pain and admit where he might have gone wrong,and how that might have led to the split. As long as you understand it wasn't all down to you.
If a man I had split with,but loved,did that for me-I'd be right back in his arms wanting to start over and right those wrongs we both made. I wish you the very best of luck. xx

Answer 5

No as long as you where not considered a danger to her, if you are just telling her how you feel there is nothing wrong with it. I can't say how she will take the approach without knowing how you two ended but it sounds like a nice way to hopefully open the lines of communication between the two of you. Good luck!!

Answer 6

No, it's not wrong, and you never know, you may even get the response you're hoping for. BUT...be prepared for the possibility that she has moved on and try not to be too broken-hearted about it. At least you will have set the record straight, and you can look back on the times you had knowing that you did all you could. Good luck...I hope you get the Valentine's Day result you hope for.

Answer 7

i did the same when i spilt with my husband i found writing all my thoughts and feeling down really helped but i didn't send the letter to my husband (who's now my ex husband) i knew the relationship was over and i accepted that but if you feel after writing the letter you still need to send it and think their might be a chance for you to get back together then you should send it and i wish you all the luck and hope things work out for you

Answer 8

i totally empathise with you i don't know who started valentine's day but i wish it wasn't here. Personally think you should go for it not because it will necessary do anything but because you will always regrete it if you don't it may get the effect that you want and I hope it does but be mentally prepared for if nothing comes of it and be brave at least y ou gave it your best shot. God Bless and Take care

Answer 9

It may not work, but if you don't do it, you will always wonder what would have happened if you had. If it doesn't work, you won't be any worse off, will you? I wish you the very best of luck and love!

Answer 10

no its not wrong.

its more than my bf would ever do.

we are about to split and theres absolutely no chance he would ever try and win me back, even though the problems are similar to yours.

you sound like a nice guy. good luck