Hi all! HELP! Am I wrong to be upset here? I am 35 & my partner is 39. I have never been married & have purposely waited this long to find the perfect mate. We are finally getting hitched in a very fun, creatively themed wedding in Oct (summer too hot) in Pennsylvania, we live in NYC but my family lives out west & in Florida, his family is here. I have a very small family: my dad who can't come, my other sister who is only 1 year younger than me doesn't want to come, my Granny can't come she's old & frail & that leaves my mother who also doesn't want to come. Only my one baby sis will make it. This hurts. I am pretty close with all of them but they just think I should elope or get married where they live so they don't have to be "inconvenienced." Everyone has enough $ to come but are using every excuse in the book like "I have to work" (they don't work weekends!) they don't want to fly, etc. I can't believe my own mother is giving me crap about it, yet again she's married 4 times. ???
2007-02-10 21:40:52 · 12 answers · asked by NYchickenGal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Seems to me that your family doesn't care if you are getting married or not. maybe they don't approve of you partner. at least you will have or baby sis coming focus on that and your wedding. if your other family doesn't come then don't let it ruin your day. after the wedding when you are settled then call or write to all of them that were too inconvenienced to come and let them know how you felt about it. be very honest about it. but for now don't fret about it and just go on as normal. enjoy the preparations good luck on your marriage.
2007-02-10 21:51:02 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in similar situation, only it's my Dad that hasn't been supportive of my upcoming wedding (August). Actually, he's been downright negative. I'm trying to keep it all in perspective though. He just hasn't been himself for the last few years (although he was always a bit insensitive -- just not to this extent) and I'm thinking he is probably depressed (altough he wouldn't call it that) and just doesn't feel good about himself. I think there's some social anxiety factor in all of this too.
And that may be what's going on with your Mom too. Especially knowing that this shindig is going to be mostly his family, she just may not feel comfortable about being there. She could feel like she's already been judged by his family (or even you) or would be judged if she were there. I'm sure she could hang out with your sister, but that's not going to fill all of her time.
Here's what I say ... take her off the hook. That's what I've done with my Dad. It will allow you to come to terms with the situation and your Mom will appreciate it more than you'll ever know or she'll ever say. If she does end up deciding to come, it will be a nice surprise -- and it will be on her terms which probably means she'll enjoy herself more.
This type of situation is hurtful, but my guess is that your family has disappointed you before (as has mine), so you likely already have the skill set to work through it. To the extent that it's possible, forgive your mom, hold your head high, and handle the issue gracefully when it comes up with his family or your wedding guests. That's my plan anyway!
2007-02-11 01:42:18 · answer #2 · answered by Joanie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you should feel is relief. The key comes in the fact that your mother has been married four times; that tells you not only what she considers a lifetime commitment to be, but the solemnity she attaches to it. As you go into a marriage you will learn that you can't change someone, even with the best aims and intentions, that person will still do things that annoy you. This is the attitude you must take with your family of no shows. Its a good thing you are with someone you love and let the people who are so ready to label your special day an "inconvenience" take a step back on the list of people you love and respect.
2007-02-11 00:13:45 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that your family is so insensitive.
As with most relationship questions, if you can't change their attitude, change your own.
We had a wonderful wedding for my daughter that excluded many that traditionally would come. We just invited the people that would be happy and wanted to celebrate the event with us. The minister said it was the most joyous wedding that he had ever been to.
Think about that!
Don't nag them!
Or even feel sorry for yourself...
Simply make out the guest list, short or long to include those that will be happy for you and want to celebrate. Then go and have a fabulous time with your friends!
It is your wedding. Tradition or not, it is a joyous celebration and should be remembered by you as the best party you ever went to!
Good Luck!
And my best wishes to you!
2007-02-10 21:54:07 · answer #4 · answered by Goddess of Laundry 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems more and more people are getting selfish these days if you were my daughter I would walk across hot coals to be at your wedding. I would give her the opportunity to explain first, maybe she doesn't have as many $$$ as you envision things can change in a minute especially if you invest badly or it may be that she is ill and doesn't want to worry you. Let her know you are hurt that she sees coming as inconvenient...see what she says if you are correct then I would say that you are better off without her and embrace your fiance's family.
2007-02-10 21:51:42 · answer #5 · answered by Just Thinking 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They don't completely share in your happiness and may disapprove of your partner OR they are stingy and cheap OR they harbor some resentment towards you OR they would be on the next plane out to share in your special day! Not wanting to be inconvenienced is a total cop-out. I'd be upset too! Try to get some friends to take their places. Best wishes to you and your partner. I hope that you have a fantastic and special day!
2007-02-10 21:56:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this !
Have you told them how much they hurt you ? How much you want them to share that special moment with you ?
Try to talk to them and be honest, tell them what you feel !
If they still don't want to come they're trying to get you to get married where they live and are trying to make the decision for you.
But yet it's YOUR day, not theirs ! They should understand
Hope everything goes fine and congrats !
2007-02-10 21:48:08 · answer #7 · answered by BleedingAngelSecretWounds 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ha who needs her anyway, who needs all of them anyway, your mom does not respect a marriage vow to begin with.. forget her she is not worth ruining your marriage. your grandma, well she is just too old, send her a picture and she will be happy, your father, well i don't understand what is wrong with him, but you do not worry about him neither. just one thing.. your sister the one that will show up... be sure she has a blast , now she loves you...and most of all you have your husband to be, thats all you really need.. sure you might feel speechless or alone at the wedding but your sister will be there to help you with that. No need to give excuses if his folks are good people you don't need any excuses to give... if they are not,....forget them , too you have all you need, your sister, and your husband... and have a great wedding..ps...don't beg to them they are not worth it. just be sure you send them an invitation and leave it at that.
2007-02-10 22:05:53 · answer #8 · answered by bankone1111 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them all to kiss your @$$ and then cross them off your Christmas list.
I have not spoken to my family in 20 years and life is much better without them.
(My partner of 13 years died a long, drawn out, painful death and I never even recieved a sympathy card from any of them... good riddance to them)
2007-02-10 21:45:37 · answer #9 · answered by Dawn Davenport 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This would sound whacked, however undergo with me! I suppose your fiance would possibly want counseling. This is so excessive that I'd say this entire poisonous institution must were reduce from your lives a at the same time in the past. Instead, your man is feeling gutted since his mother pulled the superb headtrip of all. He has GOT to uncover some way not to care as so much. It appears like he is coming into a brand new and fascinating segment in his existence with marrying you, grad tuition performed or nearing of completion, and so on. He's enabling those cretins to sabotage his happiness and, via extension, yours. This has the capabilities to reason long term disorders, however even though it did not, he demands to realize he has as so much proper to happiness as anybody. He does not get it proper now, since he is giving them an excessive amount of vigour. And, as frequently occurs, a marriage ceremony brings the whole thing to the vanguard. On your unique declaration approximately him telling his mother she does not exist, you stated that ironically, however I honestly suppose that is precisely what he tells her. Call her bluff and do not invite her. But the challenge is, he demands to be within the proper position emotionally to mention anything like this. And he isn't. That's why I suppose he demands legit support to form by way of all this. Don't overlook, to you those are worrying adults. To him, they created him and made him who's in these days. It's way more tricky to untangle matters whilst that is the case.
2016-09-07 00:11:33 · answer #10 · answered by gombos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋