I am having problems saying "NO" to my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend ask me to do things I don't want to do. I always end up pleasing him. He is a mess and I feel bad for him that's why I keep saying yes. How can I be a stronger person?

Answer 1

I don't know how old you are... but your goal in life should be to become an individual in your own right - no means no, right? If your boyfriend cares about you he would respect your boundaries. If he is a mess, only he can change that. Nothing you do, or giving him to him isn't going to change him being a mess. He is manipulating you into thinking you have the power to change him. You don't. If others ask you to do things that you don't want to do, the same applies (drinking, driving, getting behind the wheel with a drunk driver, dishonesty, and so on). Be strong and good luck.

Answer 2

You are being too nice, and to a certain extend it is good. But then remember, you are feeding whatever it is that makes him make you do things youdo not like to do. That is, this would only get bigger and larger, the demands of whatever it is, and you'd find yourself sliding down emotionally. If you want him to be a better person, and you want yourself to maintain your respect and dignity, you ought to stop it somewhere. STart small. I know you may not be able to do it loud and hard, but softly, slowly. Start with small things, not by hesitating and beating around the bush, but look him in the eye, and tell him that it makes you feel bad to do whatever it is, but you love him so much and that is why you were making him happy, but now you cant take it anymore and its high time he got concerned over your feelings too.

Start dealing with things that really are an issue, like what sort of ''mess'' is he in, you feel bad, and is it just sympathy you feel ? why does he keep making you do things, and not realise that you dont like it ? You already have a lot to think and work out on, dont you ? So dont add up more burden to what you already have in hand.

good luck

Answer 3

People who really care for you don't ask you to do things you don't want to do. To be strong, find a person you can confide in. Tell them what is going on. Ask that they be available next time you need to talk.
If your bf can't live with rules that work for both of you then it's time to show him the door. There is a reason he is a mess, maybe it's because he is a user. He is using you.

Answer 4

If your boyfriend truely cares about you, he will learn to respect you & not force you to do anything you don't want to do. Someone being "a mess" isn't an excuse to do sexual things to them. Don't feel sorry for him. If he's such a mess, you can talk to him about it. You don't need to please him sexually to make his life okay. Talking to him about his problems is the more mature & helpful approach. Sex doesn't solve anything. Discussing things does. Talk to him. Boyfriends aren't just for fooling around with. They're also for having conversations with. Your boyfriend should be your best friend, so be there for him & help him through the hard times...WITHOUT doing things to him that you're not comfortable doing. If he keeps asking you to do these things to him after you've told him that you're not comfortable doing them & after you've tried talking to him about his problems, then maybe it's time you found someone who's a little more stable & doesn't require sexual favors in order to make his problems seem less serious.

Answer 5

If you are doing things you are not comfortable with he is not the guy for you, you need to RESPECT yourself and by doing things that you say you want to say NO about, shows that you need help yourself. Seek a counselor, because until you can stand up for yourself you will find yourself doing a lot of (I wanted to say NO things) Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 6

hes using you..and making you feel sorry for him by making himself looking miserable
believe me if you always say yes hell keep on asking for more.. more than you can take then hell haveenough of you and leave you
if i were you id have three options
1) dump him if u just started the realtionship since u arnt that attached to him
2) try to say no to somethings he asks you to do or act like your really depressed while youre doing it for him so he can get the picture
3) sit down and talk to him about .. seriously you should realy try this because communicating honestly with your lover is the key to happiness.. if he doesnt like what your telling him then he doesnt deserve you
i hope it works out with you..

Answer 7

I think you just need to tell him that you don't like getting talked into things that you don't want to do, and that that is happening a lot in your relationship. Tell him that it is a big enough problem that you want a few days alone to think things over, after which you would like to discuss it...

Answer 8

set rules for youself before you see him. when you see him, talk through them before you get close to doing something you don't want to do. and don't start bending your rules thinking it might end up differently this time. it won't. you just have to come at it from a place of power. take charge and be up front with him that its what you want to do. if he can't respect that then maybe he can't handle the responsibilty of being in a relationship and treating you well enough.

Answer 9

Plan and simple say no and hold to that no and if he tries to convince you other wise dump him. Either he respects your wishes or he needs to go.

If he askes again for you to do something you don't want to tell him I'm sorry but no. Then if he askes again remember if he cared for you he wouldn't be askin' again after you said you didn't want to and tell him no again and leave. He will get your point.

Answer 10

Let him know that certain things make you uncomfortable and prefer not to do them. If he can't accept that than you should not be with him. He needs to respect you and your feelings. Tell yourself that you are worth it because you are