I was once dumped by someone who I really loved because our lives were going in two different directions. I know he really loved me too. But I was just at a place where i needed to learn how to be more independent (I was only 20) and he needed to graduate college and go off on his own.
Now I am in that situation again, but this time I might be the dumper. It is 8 years later, and I have been with this guy for 4 years. I love him a great deal. When we met, my father died suddenly, and he gave me a lot of support. But ... he has made a lot of choices in the last 4 years that conflict with where I am in my life. He is 32, but does not have a steady job, is going to night school (I got my degree years ago), is trying to freelance as a graphic designer, has had to move in with his parents. He has no car. They drive him to my house. I think he has too much to worry about and no time for a girlfriend. But he says I'm not being supportive. Am I wrong to want out of this?
2007-02-10 18:12:42 · 7 answers · asked by sylvia62002 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just to be clear, he has gotten himself into this situation by spending all his money frivolously. He had to borrow money from me which nearly cost me my month's rent. He has made several promises that he cannot keep, some affecting my health. He stood by me when my father died, but that was not my choice. In fact, I tried to get out of the relationship, because I knew I had less to give. He is making choices that he knows will hurt the relationship, and yet he still makes them anyway.
2007-02-10 18:39:48 · update #1
Also, he has not been to my house in the past month because he can't get their car (during some of that time he promised he would be here because I was sick -- going off a medicine that put me into withdrawal, that he promised he would be around for).
2007-02-10 18:41:31 · update #2
Wow thats hard - it sounds like you are a lot more mature and settled into life, but he is still finding his way around... If you honestly feel that you're lives are going separate ways, then there's no use continuing - but make sure you really think about it, because you dont want to throw away 4 years of your life.
Good luck xx
2007-02-10 18:18:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you love him, then maybe the best thing under the circumstances is to sit down and talk to him. From what you said, he is in a difficult situation in his life right now. Maybe its temporary and maybe its not. But only you will be able to tell which is which. If you know that he is making his best effort to get out of his current situation, maybe you should stick around and see it through. Otherwise, maybe its best to cut your ties and move on. There really is no right or wrong answers under the circumstances. Only you can finally figure out when enough is enough. Do some soul searching. Good Luck.
2007-02-10 18:18:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a loser. Sure he may have been there for you, any nice guy would have. But this guy is living only by the graces of you and his parents. How long does it take someone to get his act together??
Get rid of his ***, be prepared for the " I can't live without you " sob story. First he will use guilt, then anger. Be strong, you have built a life for yourself, get out there and enjoy it.
2007-02-10 18:24:27 · answer #3 · answered by rob_hallock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah you are! If you really love him, you should support him. No matter the distance between you two, he comes to your home (even if his parents drove him to you), he's making efforts and he's right to have said that you're not supportive!.
I think he's doing all this for you two. Take your time to understand him, talk to him kindly to know where you both stand.
2007-02-10 18:19:40 · answer #4 · answered by Lady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong.
If you feel oppressed by this situation, you should get out of it. Don't worry what people have to say, you're the one suffering.
Good luck!
2007-02-10 18:16:57 · answer #5 · answered by tamara_cyan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is right - you are NOT being supportive - it confuses me how you can claim to "love him", yet you find him a pain, dependent, on totally different paths, and unavailable for YOU! IF you "love him", you WOULD support him while he is in a tough spot, and you would TREAT HIM LIKE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED. instead you whine, finding fault, and want to run. How would you like it if he treated YOU like you treat HIM??
2007-02-10 18:31:09 · answer #6 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. you deserve better.
2007-02-10 18:15:58 · answer #7 · answered by ~Val~ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋