staff descriptions.?

Question

STAFF DESCRIPTIONS

Outgoing Personality....................Always going out of the office
Good Communication Skills............Spends lots of time on phone
Average Employee...........................Not too bright
Exceptionally Well Qualified...........Made no major blunders yet
Work is First Priority.......................Too ugly to get a date
Active Socially..................................Drinks a lot
Family is Active Socially..................Spouse drinks, too
Independent Worker.......................Nobody knows what he/she does
Quick Thinking................................Offers plausible excuses
Careful Thinker................................Won't make a decision
Aggressive........................................Obnoxious
Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs............Gets someone else to do it
Expresses Themselves Well............Speaks English
Meticulous Attention to Detail.. .....A nit picker
Has Leadership Qualities................Is tall or has a loud voice
Exceptionally Good Judgement.......Lucky
Keen Sense of Humor......................Knows a lot of dirty jokes
Career Minded.................................Back Stabber
Loyal...................................Can't get a job anywhere else

Answer 1

LOL...cool.

Answer 2

These are supposedly excerpts from actual employee evaluation forms. Found on the Web.

This person is not really so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't-be.

To hear him speak, his accomplishments are so big they can only be compared to that of a black hole in space -- unfortunately, neither have been confirmed to exist.

Create a new title to make him feel appreciated, e.g., jester, dunce, former employee, etc.

Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train just isn't coming.

A clock watcher who's in a different time zone than the rest of us.

He's so dense, light bends around him. << my favorite >>

This employee should go far -- and the sooner he starts, the better.

He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking.

Is still able to get the job done -- if someone else helps.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

Has a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

A photographic memory but his lens cover is glued on.

Will stick with us until retirement, unless we do something first.

If he were any more stupid, we'd be watering him twice a week.

Bright as Alaska in December.

He's lucky he's not a horse, but still likely to get shot anyway.

Since my last evaluation, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

A one-cell organism outscored him in IQ tests.

This person's work habits gives rise to the argument -- why are we separated by the animals?

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

Fell out of the family tree, most likely on his head.

When she opens her mouth, it seems it's only to change whichever foot was previously there.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

It's hard to believe he beat out a million other sperm.

If brains were taxed, she'd get a large refund.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

Can string two sentences together, but only if she borrows the string.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargles.

Wheel is turning, but the hamsters are all dead.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Don't fire him immediately, fire him yesterday.

I wouldn't allow this employee to breed.

This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

Has committed no major blunders today, that we are know of.

A room temperature IQ.

Still one step ahead of the law.

Has two brains: One is lost, the other is out looking for it.

Offers plausible excuses for errors.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

Needs more to do. Might I be so bold as to suggest looking for a job?

Finds twenty reasons to do anything except original task.

Works well, when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a child.

If we keep this person on, stock in liquid paper might be advantageous.

It's best for us that this person not work with people.

Relative of senior partner. Great performance!
....

Answer 3

yes that is a good description of the people where i work 10/10

Answer 4

Very funny... and ... true sometimes

Answer 5

superb and true