Four years ago I met a man from another city---one far distant from mine. We both felt a connection, and our follow-up business emails soon turned into friendly ones. I am married, and older than he. We have become very close and I know he trusts me and values my friendship and input...A few months after we began writing, he tried to reconcile with a former girlfriend but that didn't work out. Two years ago a woman contacted him through an internet dating service, and their relationship, although initially good, soon turned volatile and sour, and he left her, although she continues alternately to plead him to come back, and to harass him. She has harassed me too, in numerous and sometimes dangerous ways that I don't have time or space to go into.
He has several times, in oblique ways, let me know of his feelings toward me. I think he loves me but he has never openly declared it. As for me, well, I've never known anyone like him. He is very bright, handsome, and sensitive.
2007-02-10 17:57:07 · 6 answers · asked by Laurie C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He has sent me many beautiful and loving songs, and has also sent unique, very meaningful gifts (although not expensive ones.) I think he is trying to be honorable and to respect my marriage? The marriage, like most, is far from perfect.
I am confused as to how I should behave through this, and I can't seem to clearly sort through all my own feelings. I am also confused as to how much he cares for me? Is he not actively pursuing (i.e. coming back to my city, visiting) because he doesn't wanted to be a guy who broke up a marriage?
2007-02-10 18:01:00 · update #1
She got my email through stealing his phone one day, but she is wealthy and resourceful and harassed me with malicious spyware and even by tampering with my vehicle (probably hired someone in the area)
2007-02-10 18:10:36 · update #2
Thanks all of you so far, for your advice.
I think the central dilemma is: He is hesitant to pursue further unless I give him some sign that I might be willing to leave the marriage? But I am hesitant to leave the marriage until he gives me some sign that he would further pursue.
2007-02-10 18:29:56 · update #3
It sounds like an inappropriate emotional relationship considering you are married. What if you found out that he does love you? Would that change your relationship with your husband? What are you getting from that situation that is so compelling as to develop an emotional attachment outside of your marriage. Don't get me wrong, I am not judgemental. It just sounds like there is something missing for you in your current relationship that is leaving the door open for an emotional affair.
Unless the woman that he was involved with is a sociopath, she probably would not be emailing if he weren't in some way enabling the behavior. However, to the extent that she has been taking such action, she is probably not so healthy. Be careful of getting involved in it. How did she get your email address in the first place? That's concerning, as well.
2007-02-10 18:07:19 · answer #1 · answered by JustTalking 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married and you fancy another guy who you think fancies you back. I don't mean to be judgmental but I think that is still a form of adultery. Let's take if for granted that he loves you despite not being open about it but what would be the consequences on what you have now? Sometimes the connection between two people who are far from each other is better when there is really the distance between them. There is also a possibility that you are reading too much from his comments or actions. If you are not sure how to define this relationship, then probably it is because it is not meant to be defined the way you are intending it to be. Please don't take this the bad way as am just expressing my thoughts on your question.
2007-02-10 18:07:10 · answer #2 · answered by woman in the well 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Laurie, I think you must ask yourself why you would give up your marriage for this guy. Is there something out there that you know that the others don't? If this guy would pursue a married woman now, why would he stop chasing other married ones once he has your heart? I think this guy is reading your "unmet wants list" and telling you what you want to hear. Your a big girl and you can do what you want, but the consequences seem predictably dismal to me.
2007-02-10 18:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by dragunov 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may be trying to use you. how come he can't stay with a woman. do you want to end your marriage to some one you really don't know. and you told me he was trying to go back with his ex. think about it.he maybe cool like a fox. but can put a lot of hurt in you. good luck. think about it.please.
2007-02-10 18:10:09 · answer #4 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not for you you he want his cake and eat it too too .
2007-02-10 18:04:04 · answer #5 · answered by Dove4ever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r married. stay away from him.
2007-02-10 18:01:41 · answer #6 · answered by braille 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋