can somebosdy tell me a joke that will make me laugh so much?

Question

i like blond jokes and church ones but go ahead if you have a different one!

Answer 1

A blonde, brunette, and a red head rob a candy store. The police come and they hide in potato sacks. The police comes up to the sack that the red head is in and kicks it the red head meows and the police say just a dumb cat. They walk up to the brunette's sack and kick it she barks the police say it's just a stupid dog. They walk up to the blonde's sack and kick it and the blonde answers "potato, potato, potato".

Answer 2

One morning Mickey mouse woke up only to find that someone wrote with pee in the snow outside of his house "mikey sucks". He called the police right away, (he was rather upset) and demanded a full investigation into the matter. The police came and went and about a week later called him with the news...

The policeman said " we've got some good news and bad news, we did a dna test on the pee and handwriting tests on the letters"

Mickey said "well lets hear it"

The policeman said, "the good news is... we found out who it was, it was Goofy... The bad news is, It's In Minnie Mouse's Handwriting!"

Answer 3

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out
how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when
it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box,
it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the
puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has
the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the
box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no
matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a
tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to
relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he
sighed........ ....... "Let's put all the Frosted
Flakes back in the box.
......................................................................................................
Little Ralphy on Grammer

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher
replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if
you had bigger ****, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f..... beautiful!'"

Answer 4

Q: Why is Santa always so stressed and frustrated ?

A: Because he only cums once a year !!!!!!!!

-------------------

Q: why did the blonde stare at an orange juice carton for over tree hours ?

A: it had 'concentrate' printed on it

-------------------------

A blonde walks into hairdresser for a haircut.
the hairdresser says to her to take off her headphones but she says 'no, just cut around it'

many weeks later she goes back to the same hairdresser and asks for another haircut. Again the stylist says to remove her headphones. she 'no no, just do your best'

again she returns to the same stylist but this time while getting her cut she falls asleep.
the hairdresser thinks to herself ' i'll take off her headphones and give her a really nice style cut, she will be so happy then'

so the stylist removes the headphones. shortly after the blonde falls off the chair dead.

the stylist freaks out thinking what happen? she picks up the headphones and hears a recording.......

' breath in , breath out, breath in, breath out ......... '

Answer 5

I don't know if you've already heard of this one on yahoo but this one is funny!

A 5 year old girl finds her father reading the paper. She asks him,"Where does poo come from?"

The father looking very perturbed due to the fact that his daughter was asking such a difficult question said,"You know how we ate breakfast this morning?"

The girl replied,"Yea."

"Well the food goes into your tummy and takes all the good stuff and all the bad stuff comes out of your bum bum when you go to the toilet. And that's poo."

The little girl stared at her father shocked and in silence.
"And tigger?"

Answer 6

Why did the blonde change her baby's diaper once a week?

The box said "Up to 20 pounds"

Answer 7

1. God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not murder." They answered "Sorry, we are not interested."

Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not steal." They answered, "Sorry, we are not interested."

Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?" they asked. "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife." "Sorry we are not interested," they answered.

Finally he approached the Jews. "How much?" they asked. "It's free," he answered. "We'll take ten!"

2. Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

Answer 8

a teacher asked a boy what was aflek.....
he was about to answer when the bell rang.....
the teacher ask him to answer after the 4 day holidays
~~~~~
at home, on the first day of the holiday.
he asked his father.....his papa was watching soccer.
his favorite team lost!
his son asked him what was afleck
concentrating complaining.....he mumbled.....Fu(k
Fu(k .....
~~~~~
afraid the teacher might ask more
he asked his mother
he asked her the same question
but she was watching something
'Vote Your Man'
ignoring her son, she screamed George Bush!
~~~~~
third day.....still afraid the teacher might ask more
he asked his sis.
hearing her MP4 and singing loudly......
she 'replied' her bro on the same question
Common Baby!
~~~~~
then his brother
wathching some XXX on the internet
the boy asked and again was ignored.....
instead heard Squeeze those ****!
~~~~~
the holiday was over and the day came
~~~~~
teacher: what is afleck?
boy : Fu(k
teacher:who thought u that?!
boy : George Bush!
teacher: do wanna see the headmistress?!
boy : common baby!
teacher:she'll kill u ! except for helping her
the boy interupts
boy :squeeze those ****!
~~~~~

hahahahhahahahahahaha

Answer 9

here are some things to do at places that annoy ppl at the movies.....sing to the theme song..try to start a waze..bring ur own bean bag an sit in the isle...........at a drive thru..when the say pull around say where do i go?..tell them u have to go to the bathroom dont order anything...........now things to do at wallmart..take boxes of condom and put them i ppls carts when arnt looking..put a bag of M&M's on lay away..Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area..Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme lol these are all fun things to do

Answer 10

3 white men were at the gate of heaven.The gatekeeper tells themto spell 'god'.Later a black man comes to the gate.The gatekeeeper ask him to spell 'desposyni'