My kids(I love them) are driving me to the looney bin....help..?

Question

I have a daughter 7yrs old and a son that is 4 yrs. My problem, I've been divorced over a year and have been playing the role of mom & dad for the past 6 months. I get so tired of having to correct them @home and in public. I just give up sometimes. I try to be consistant but it's hard to do without constantly badgering them. Is this normal? I do punish them but if I punished them for everything they do wrong, my job of parenting is 48 hrs a day. Can someone give me advice on how to do this. It is affecting my family and any other kind of life I may have in the future. I am not doing something right. Time out doesn't even work...help...

Answer 1

Send them to bed early and get some quiet time for yourself.

Answer 2

Hi! I have been where you are so I know it is not easy. And it is VERY difficult to be consistent and not give in because it seems easier. If you are consistent, then it will get better. You will begin to see a positive payoff for your efforts. Kids need to know what is expected of them and it has to be the same in most every instance or they get confused about how they should be acting.
If you expect the same positive behavior every time, pretty soon all it takes is 'The Look'. Never underestimate the power of 'The Look'. It doesn't happen over night but when it does...It's Great!
Another thing is that we tend to pick out and punish every little instance that annoys us and if we are truthful,yes we love them more than life, BUT, YES THEY ARE ANNOYING, probably 85% of the time. Instead of giving attention to behavior that is not acceptable, look instead for the good, kind , generous, loving things they do (they are there-more than you may currently realize) and reward them. Make them a bigger ,positive attention getting event. You will still be doling out punishments, but they will become the exception rather than the rule. I can say that this works because I have traveled that road. Hang in there. I hope this helps. Please message me if you feel I might be able to help! Good Luck, BG

Answer 3

I know what you're going through. I have three kids and been divorced for two years. My mom helps alot but when things go wrong I used to make the mistake of blaming her. She's not the problem, I'm not the problem, the kids aren't the problem. The problem was structure or the total lack there of. The best thing I can say here is take a note pad and schedual the day on paper.. show the little one what you've done first , next the older one. I'm telling you what, as soon as they can see there's a clean cut schedual planned out they won't fight it too much.

Answer 4

hmmmm, just a thought here. save for the first line in which you avow love, the rest of the post is you're tired, you have so much to do, you always need to correct them, constant badgering, punish them, they do so much wrong, etc, etc, etc.

i think you need to turn those numbers around. sure, it's hard. i have no doubt you have issues pressing on you, divorce, child custody, and such. but it'll be years, decades before they han understand what you went through with that.

i think a parent should dedicate a substantial time in the evening to just love the kids. play, hold, cuddle, etc. devote yourself to them without compromise. (by the way, not in front of a television). follow this procedure and you will not believe the results. i cannot believe how many parents in america fight with their children. you see mothers arguing with three year olds! what is up with that?

Answer 5

I hate to tell you this, but if they are precocious, smart, etc. your job will get even more difficult. It sounds like they are in that category. Get your parents to assist you, especially your dad to lend some influence to them. They need to know that they are not in charge. Troubled kids never figure it out that No means NO! That should be your goal. Badgering them is not only tiresome, but probably makes them tune you out. Get assistance from your church, maybe they have parenting classes. If their father is is still nvolved, make sure your kids learn to respect him. It is still his job to raise the kids, even with a divorce. It will pay off for you in the long run. Put some burden on him. Don't let the kids see you argue, however. You should make friends with him, not enemies. Check out Dr. Phil site. He must have books on this subject. This problem only gets worse, not better! Kids can be worse after a divorce because they know something is wrong in their lives. Divorce is hardest on the kids.

Answer 6

We just weren't meant to have to do it all alone. It sounds like you need to sit down and have a heart to heart, especially with your daughter (who is older and can better understand). Do it when things are going good, not in the middle of a crisis. Tell them your concerns about their behavior and how it is affecting your family's happiness. Ask them to help you by reminding themselves and each other when they are not being good helpers to mommy. Then get out of the house. Beg, plead, pay, trade, do what ever it takes to get yourself some time without the children, at least once a week. You have to take care of yourself or you will constantly be running on empty. Best of luck. :)

Answer 7

Pick your battles--
It is easier said than done. You have to stop and ask yourself if this really worth fighting over. Kids learn from watching you as well. It's hard being a single parent and some things do get pushed to the side.
Your kids know that you love them and are doing the best you can. Hang in there, things do get easier as you get the hang of it.

Answer 8

Read the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk." Your kids, like all kids, clearly need guidance and direction, but punishment is not the best way to do that. You want to get them to be self-disciplined, and that's the point of the book. It's very easy and quick to read and quick to implement.

Time outs don't work.

Also, your kids are likely traumatized by the loss of their father. That can't let them off the hook, but it will make them more challenging, because they're so challenged by this terrible situation that no child shoudl have to endure.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I'm a single parent with 2 boys ages 11 and 8. Their mother is absolutely no help, is rarely around, and has been in trouble with the law since we divorced. I have been raising my sons by myself for over 3 years now and I am the sole provider and disciplinarian for my boys. You want them to listen to you then be strict. Time out's don't work. Harsh talking to's don't work. Explaining everything to them doesn't work.
This is what worked for me: If they did something wrong, I started with denying them some things. Dessert can be a starting point, followed by taking away TV time, access to friends, video games etc. When I removed certain items from their possession and granted them back after they started acting correctly, then they began to understand. Talking back to me is rewarded with an automatic whack on the butt. Don't be afraid to spank a child. "Communication" is not always the way. How many 4 year olds have sufficient communication skills?
Once they realized I am the adult, and I am in charge, they calmed down considerably. The reward factor came into play as well. If their homework was done neatly and they read a book for at least 20 min, they would be allowed to play a video game for 1 hour. Any relapses and all privledges would be taken back for a week.
Of course my way works for my kids, it may not work for yours. You have to figure them out first, determine their motivations and what they value. Reward and punishment is what worked on my kids.
The benefits? My two boys are very well-behaved, very polite and funny. They are top notch students. My 11 year old was one of only seven kids in his homeroom to pass every part of the state literacy exam. My 8 year old has won student of the month for two consecutive months this year of 2007. Understand this comes at a price: I give up LOTS of my free time to help them with their homework. Many is the time I needed to get my homework done (I take online college courses) and I had to spend an extra 20-30 min with my son on his sentence structure or Geography. I also work a full time job and need to bring home work with me to get ahead and sometimes that means getting up an hour earlier to get it done. I guess I'm trying to say how far are you willing to go and sacrafice? Its isn't easy and there is no magic one thing you can do. You need to be consistent as well.
Do they have problems? Of course. Do I advocate spanking a child for everything they do wrong? Definitely not. Will there be setbacks? Always. Take it easy on yourself too. You can't do it all and your not perfect. Do the best you can, show your kids love as well as discipline and forgive as quickly as you punish.

Answer 10

In order to gain discipline, you must give privileges and rewards that can be taken away. For instance, at bedtimes when kids might be fussing about putting on pajamas try giving them 15 minutes of play time before bed AFTER they put their pajamas on putting them and their pajamas on. Do this by putting them on the couch and tellling them they are staying there until they put on their pajamas. No toys, games, storys, hugs, or special attention until they do. Then watch them compete to see who puts on their pajamas first to get more play time. Use a timer if they have trouble understanding the concept. If bedtime comes before their pajamas are on, too bad, they go straight to bed with no play time. The whole concept depends on the added privilege of play-time after pajamas are on. Some parents and teachers have special chairs or computer time. Also, your daughter is near the age where normal time-outs are not very effective unless she is fairly immature.

Answer 11

It is VERY hard, but you have to be consistant, and you need to use the time out, but set the timer, so that makes it easier on both of you. I also count to 3 and that always worked good. I wish you all the best. Good Luck and stay strong, some places offer parent support, I know my church does, so it is worth checking into.