my fiance' mother is a very difficult woman. She likes to have near complete control over his life, (he lives at home, as do I) and makes very tactless comments to me about him and our relationship. I'm very much in love with him, but she's a near unbearable force between Nick and myself.
For the most part she's a wonderful woman, very kind, but then she says something (for instance about his ex-girlfriend stephanie whom is still crazy for him) that is so COMPLETELY misplaced. she also likes to make events that are more me oriented very difficult to accomplish.
2007-02-10 17:13:39 · 9 answers · asked by Nymph 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I suggest you stand back and evaluate the situation. If you feel that he is worth putting up with this behavior for the next 20 or more years, then TREAD LIGHTLY. If she is difficult, there is hope that one day you may reason with her. If she is outright unbearable. More than likely her behavior will not get better once you are married - it will get worse. Sometimes it is hard for a parent to respect their child as an adult, much less their child's fiance. The last thing you want is to confront her in a manner that will backfire, by causing her to lose any respect for you that she does have. Try talking to her, in a level-headed, non-threatening environment. Let her know you understand how important her role as mom is. Let her know that while you and her son are starting a new life on your own, you plan on having her in your lives. Also, let her know that she is what has molded him into the man that means so much to you, and in your eyes she has done a great job. Then, politely ask her to refrain from some of the remarks. Let her know clearly what she does that bothers you, she may not even realize she's hurting you. Sometimes, when the words can't come in a conversation, it's hard to take constructive criticism, you may need to write it in a note. A note or letter allows them to think about what you are saying and gives the words a moment to sink in.
Marriage to a man with an overbearing mom can be fatal to a relationship. If her behavior is a measure to try and run you off, it will more than likely only get worse once she realizes she failed. If your fiance can't respect you enough to back you up now, then LEAVE, because he will always be weak in his momma's shadow. I truly beleive that the happiest marriages are made when 2 people have the love and support of their families behind them. A marriage has enough difficulties to face, when you add mother or father in law strife into the mix, it just becomes more than 2 people can hold together. A solid relationship can be crushed by the people we love. But a solid relationship will be made stronger when the people who surround us love our spouse too.
2007-02-10 17:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by picture . . . perfect 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you all need to have an intervention with the mother in-law. Just explain to her that while you are thankful that they are paying for the wedding, it is still your sister and her son's. And it is so unfair that they basically have no say so in their own wedding. When she plays the victim card just explain to her that you all are trying to take her feelings into consideration but it is getting tired. It seems that she is the type that you have to be firm with, she won't break even if she makes you think she will. Please don't give up being the matron of honor do for your sister she really needs every ally she can get right now. Just talk to the mother in-law and put it all out on the table. Good luck:)
2016-05-25 09:10:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are going to have a tough road in front of you all you can do is be nice to hear take the things she says and let it go. A girl I know pretty much same situation they live in a house on his parents property just got married january 20th and now they are moving since the mother is the monster in law. I feel for ya Good Luck.
2007-02-10 17:19:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you better give this one a lot of thought. A LOT OF THOUGHT.. i know you don't think so, but after 6 mos you'll wonder what you got yourself into, and after a year, the love goes out the window. better get some ground rules in there and make them stick. tell your bf how you feel and your not going to put up with a controlling other woman. better yet move away.
2007-02-10 17:22:17 · answer #4 · answered by brown eyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mail her a compy of the movie "monster-in -law" LOL no j/k DOes your finace know how you feel, or is he a total momma's boy and would never see your side without feeling like you are attacking his mom? I have a mil who means well but she doesn't know when to butt out and it's really annoying. Obviously she wants what's best for her son, and as a mom maybe nobody will ever be good enough for her son....but you can't hange her. maybe when you get your own place things will get better... all you can really do is nicely ask him to tell her to quit bringing up the past, or find a nice way to say it yourself ...good luck
2007-02-10 17:20:51 · answer #5 · answered by Angeleyez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i only can say soo sorry for u,coz u have to deal with ur future mother-in-law.for most girls there is problem between her and her mother-in-law.only thing u can do is try to prove tat u r better than his ex-gf,and try to b close to his mother,try to let her know u have the same love with her to her son.
try to make her understand u will not take away her son from her,in fact, u also love him and want him to be happy as she wants...
2007-02-10 17:21:09 · answer #6 · answered by SUMMER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she's just scared that you're taking him away from her. or taking her place in his life where he won't need her anymore. that's something really hard for some mothers to overcome. if he were more independent to begin with, i don't think she'd get so "hostile" towards you, because he'd have already broken away from her.
just show her that you love her son and that you're a good person, she'll eventually have to come around
2007-02-10 17:19:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like she doesnt like you too much. But sometimes I think if the mom doesnt like you then the BF eventually wont.. so try to work things out with her and make sure he doesnt dump u cuz the way she sees u. I think shes just jealous
2007-02-10 17:17:52 · answer #8 · answered by Mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to have a lil talk with her and tell her that some of the things she says are very hurtful and tell her that you think she is a great person but when she says hurtful things like that it affects your views on her i hope she understands
2007-02-10 17:19:35 · answer #9 · answered by Tidus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋