i dont like my mother in law.?

Question

she babies her son too much, she wont let him be a man. plus she has 2 faces or (2faced). how do i deal with her?

Answer 1

No matter what anyone says, what it all comes down to is that this person will be in your life as long as you're involved with your husband.

Remember, that part of who your husband is came from the upbringing of his parents, his dad and his mom's influence over him has made him the man he is today.

About "keeping your distance", I don't like the connotation that phrase has; meaning that you have to cut off contact. I like though, that it can mean that your husband and you should spend more time together alone, and learn to rely on each other without any relatives around. Consider it more time spent with each other rather than keeping your distance from your mother-in-law. Limit your visits to your in-law to maybe once or twice a month. If she objects, say you've got plans. Talk to your husband about this issue you are having with him and his mother. Sure he may love his mom and her mothering, but he needs to now provide that attention to someone else. You are now the person he should be turning to for that comfort and support, after all, that IS what a marriage is.

Keep reminding your husband that you are now there for him and that you two should be making decisions together. Only the two of you.

I agree with the rest of some comments that mention that you knew this already about your husband-that he was a mama's boy.

Being married now means that he should be seeking you. More than the mother understanding that and talkikng to her about it, it's your husband whom you should have the serious conversations with about his mother. If she can't seem to break that invisible umbilical cord, then he should with your help. Don't try to overstep your boundaries, it would be proper and respectful to have your husband address this problem to with his mom. Nothing will ever change if he doesn't see what the problem is. You will conquer this problem if you can convince your husband of his new and proper role as a husband and married man.

Answer 2

It appears to bother you, but you do not mention that it bothers your husband. My guess is this is the relationship he and his mother have had all along. Right or wrong, it is their relationship. It is unfortunated but many people have what you refer to as 2-faces. You don't have to adore her, and you don't have to share your heartfelt feelings with her, but you will have to find a level of acceptance if you want to have a healthy relationship with your husband. Perhaps you could tell him how you feel in private. If he is mature he may respect this concern and take steps to avoid the excessive babying without saying anything to his Mother. This would make you happy and his Mother may not even notice the change. Keeping peace between the family is important and in a relationship communication is everything. Approach it without an attitude ... but rather out of love. Good luck ... remember you both love the same man ... just in a different way.

Answer 3

The way to deal with your mother in law is with great kindness, wisdom and truth.

Be gracious. When she is obviously babying her son just smile and say, "You take such good care of him." When she shows her second face just smile and say, "It must be nice to be able to feel so comfortable taking any side of everything. How do you do it?"

Don't fight. Don't argue. Be sweet, be public and be pointed. Put her crap back on her own plate. She will get tired of eating off that plate, but if you don't take control of this NOW you will be eating the crap she puts on your plate for the rest of your life.

Oh, by the way, understand that the only reason she does this is because your husband lets her. I don't think your problem is with her. It is with him.

You don't need to understand her. You need to understand why he still allows his mother to treat him like a baby.

This is about your husband. Know that.

Answer 4

I am guessing that none of this was different BEFORE you got married, so why are you choosing to make a big deal of it now? You made the choice to marry your husband knowing that he was a mama's boy right? And you know that if he didn't like the babying, it wouldn't happen. I would say your issue should be with your husband, not your mother-in-law. The best way to deal with her is to smile and be friendly whenever you are around her, why would you want to create tension. She is the grandmother (or future grandmother ) of your babies and she will always be in your life as long as you are married to her baby boy.

Answer 5

Sadly, most people don't like their mother in laws. You have to be civil, for your husband's sake. You also have to be fair. If he sees you being unfair, he will take her side and not come to yours when you need it (which you will need if she's two-faced). Of course, some guys will only see their mom's side, no matter what the fight is and it's not a good idea to marry these particular guys in the first place.

Also, try to be empathetic and remember that his mom sees you as replacing her as the most important woman in his life. Don't fight directly with her. Discuss particular issues you have about her with your husband and get him onside. Don't use global terms like she's two-faced. Instead, tell him the particular situation that made you think she was two-faced. You don't want him to become defensive. Try not to come across as dissing his mom.

Once he's onside, let him handle her.

Answer 6

For the sake of your husband, you just have to grin and bear it. I know it can be annoying especially if you feel that she is interfering with things. Try not to feel that way as well, that may be just what she wants.

As far as the two faced thing, it's an issue with many people. I don't know of TOO Many people that DON'T have troublesome in laws. The two faced thing is HER ISSUE AND PROBLEM.

My suggestion is to sit and talk to your husband nicely, let him know how you feel just to get it off of your chest. Be nice to the Mother In Law no matter what, even if it is a bit difficult

Answer 7

This seems to be a recurring theme. I had the mother-in-law from hell. Now my ex-husband's new wife has this person for her mother-in-life. Sounds bad, but better her than me! Anyway, a good reason why we divorced is because my ex allowed his controlling, manipulative, lying, stealing, cheating, know-it-all mother to control our marriage. It didn't matter how I felt about things because if his mother felt differently, then her feelings would rule. I'm not being unkind in my adjectives I used to describe her. She really is all those things - I'm just telling the facts. Anyway, it's good you recognize these things now. I STRONGLY urge you to talk seriously with your husband about his mother's tendencies. Mark my words, if he does not put his foot down with his mother and establish boundaries that are agreeable to you, his wife, then you will end up divorced down the road. I'm not being fatalistic here. Mother-in-laws who baby their sons this way are crippling them as men and are damaging their relationships with women. These mothers are selfish and are more concerned with their inabillity to let go and therefore having to have control, then they are of allowing their sons to spread their wings and fly. Best wishes to you.

Answer 8

Hopefully, you are beginning a long relationship. Be courteous and not very close. Talk to your husband; it is his job to establish that he has his own family now and has expectations as to how he (and you) should be treated. Be as generous as you can but keep an eye on the long range nature of the relationship which will include children (grandchildren). Just between us, I don't like my dentist, but I try to stay on his good side because he could cause me a great deal of pain.

Answer 9

My very best friend has one of these kind!
Did you ever see that movie MONSTER N LAW?
Well my friend is in a 100 times worse situation.
In their case, it got WAY worse, and the mother is going to have her son all to herself...
The mother constantly makes rude comments, one of them being that her son will never marry.
My friend is finally leaving after he told her that he doesn't want to marry her. My friend has been doing it all, financially, emotionally, and saved his life, and also has a daughter(15yr old) from him...which his mom never acknowledges.
My friend just realized why she was paying everything else for him (including doctor bills and expensive meds for him to function) except for his house bill. His mom pays that.
Guess why. Yup, mommy made sure to put the house in his siblings name when he was beginning to go in dept., took over his bills by only paying herself back for all the help to keep him floating...not my friend.
Yep, my friend gets to start over again....and yes the mother still thinks of her as a gold digger, and who knows what else.
Hopefully, carma will step in somewhere down this line.
I feel really bad for anyone who has to deal with this situation.
My friend tried for yrs because she only wanted to be liked, loved, accepted, and tried so hard all the yrs that it's broke her heart and wallet.
I think this problem has alot to do with him letting her, because most guys won't put up with that for a min. They want to be men, not boys.

Answer 10

Be kind and respectful. What she does with her son is her perogative. You mind your manners and go about your business. Say, things like Yes ma'am, No ma'am, Excuse me, ma'am. And then go about your business. Open the door for her, you get the picture? She will then let you be, and have interest in raising you in a way you two will be comfortable.

Respect gives a lot of rewards.. Mannerism, gives you a lot of respect. Kind and thoughtfulness is priceless.. And you will be a woman that every men want.