How should I deal with this aspect of being a step-mother?

Question

My step son is 4 and he is raised by his mother. We get him every other weekend if he is not "sick." Here lately my husband has been working nights and I have to pick his son up. Well when I go to pick him up his mother says I can't let you have him. This past time she said he was crying and if his dad cant be here than you will have to call your mother-in-law. Well when I went in there he was just fine. He does get somewhat upset but its like ne kid when they go to school per say they dont want to go but once their there they are fine. Well here this weekend there has been a few times he is like I want my mommy. I honestlythink someone is putting thoughts in his head about me. Whether it is his grandma or mom or what. He also when we go to take him back he throws a fit saying he doesnt want to go home. If ne one can help me I have soo many questions. Not sure what to do... Thanks

Answer 1

Your husbands Ex needs to get over herself, her behavior is showing that she has unresolved issues or feelings toward your husband. Legally you have every right to pick up your step-child. There is also no reason why his child cannot go to his house just because he is sick. He is his father and should be fully capable of taking care of his child whether sick or well. If he is on prescription meds, she need to send that with him, if over the counter, you guys buy some for at your house. And as far as the Ex, does your husband warn her before you go to pick up his son. Maybe he can give her a warning, or possibly change the pickup time so that he can go pick him up before work. My kids love for their Dad to check them out of school on Friday's. It really makes them feel special. He'll check them out and bring them to McDonald's or the park or something, even if they aren't going to his house.
As far as your personal relationship with your step-son. Let him come to you. Let his dad do for him and let him come to you. Give him all the space in the world with his Dad. It's okay to step back and let have them take their time with each other. If there is anything that is being put in his head it is probably that you are trying to be his "new mommy" or that his daddy is going to have a "new family". That is why it is important for you to let him come to you. Let his dad do everything for him. If he askes for a drink of water, let his dad do it for him. One day you sit down with a big bowl of popcorn or a bag or M&M's and act like he isn't even there. When you catch him looking at you say "Oh, do you want some, come over and get you some M&M's". He will be your friend for life. I think he is just confused and feeling like he doesn't belong. It isn't your job to make him feel like he belongs, it is his Daddy's job.
I recently got remarried and my step-daughters live in Ohio. Jeremy moved here to LA to be with me and I know their Mom told them that he was abandoning them and all the worse. The oldest even told he grandmother that she hates me for taking her Daddy away. I just knew that she wasn't gonna give me the time of day. So, I decided to let them come to me, and it was awesome. I just got to meet them for Thanksgiving. When we got their I told them "Hi" and then I went sit down and let them hug their Daddy and just gave him over to them. After about 15 minutes my oldest step-daughter came sit in my lap and just hugged me. It was very unexpected and very cool. I did for my daughters when we were there and he did for his daughters. Half way through the week his were treating me like an extra Mom. They were coming to me with the brush for me to do their hair and asking me to help them with stuff, but I just let them come to me. They went from hating me before they knew me to crying and hugging me when it was time to leave. That is one of the advantages of being a step-parent, we get all the good stuff. Let their parents deal with all of the spilt milk, The fun stuff is for us.

Answer 2

I am sorry that this is so hard for you, it is hard on kids to be away from mom, but you say he is just as upset to go home so he like being there too, maybe he just hate the hectic transitions working daycare I have seen this as a big part. We had one boy who's parents rarely if ever spoke to one another, one would drop him off with "instructions" for the other when they picked him up, that poor little boy was a mess.
Just "keep the party polite" make sure the rules are the same in both homes, consistency is what is called for.
I hope you are wrong about them planting ideas in his head, I have seen this in action too. Children are easy to brainwash at that age. It breaks my heart that it happens.

Answer 3

I think it is a big adjustment for children and often it is not easy. Not telling you anything you dont already know. However I would just advise you to love him through it all and it will all eventually work out in time. No matter what is being said about you, children make up their own mind. If he knows you love him no one can change that, and the little boy will know that too.

Bless

Answer 4

you are only responsible for 1/2 of what the parent who does the least for him does. otherwise, when he grows up he will resent all involved.
natural mom needs to get over the ex husband.
dad needs to pick up his son most times.
you all don't need to be best friends, but you do need to put your differences aside for the sake of this child.

Answer 5

Wow! that's an particularly hard concern. Can your father assist you? He could be caught in the middle, too, yet he does have a duty to grant a secure environment for his toddlers. i'm hoping that the counselor at your college is a good one you are able to confer with, yet while no longer, please do communicate with your central or a instructor you admire. There are human beings obtainable to assist, and you're able to be able to desire to hook up with them. Please do no longer wait!

Answer 6

1st if the papers say you get hi it doesn't matter who picks him up. my little girl who is also 4 says she wants her daddy but only when she is in trouble and the rest of the time says she wants to live with me. he most likely does not want to go because he is having fun.

Answer 7

He is far too young to be away from his mother. It hurts little kids to be away from mommy. They're not putting thoughts in his head. Poor little boy. Of course he wants his mommy.

In addition, it's very hard to make transitions - you should help him by reminding him that he's going home in 2 hours, 1 hour, 1/2 hour etc.

What would be best is that he never leave his mother's home and your husband visit his child.

Your step son is far too young to have to go through this. His parents really screwed him over and screwed up his young life.

The last thing he needs is you thinking he doesn't feel what he feels, but somehow the evil first wife is putting thoughts in his head.

little kids need their mommies and are unhappy away from mommy. it's as plain and simple as that. when your husband works, leave the boy with his mom. why on earth would he come to you?

Answer 8

good luck with that