ok today was my sons 1 st birthday and we had my boyfriends family side party at his house and anyway as i was finishing up opeanin g my son gifts and card my boyfriend older sister who is in her mid forties started cutting my son birthday cake . ok here is my question would you mom s feel like hey thats my place to serve my guest ?or maybe feel like it my first child birthday and i want to cut his cake because he is my son? i mean this is not the first time she has crossed the aunt boundries and started doing the mom role .when i pulled my boyfriend aside and told him that his sister had no right to do this and should have asked me first he told me i was being imature and told me to grow up.if this had happen to any of you momsout there would it have bothered you or do you think i am being to sentive?
i just don't know if this is a normal feeling to have i just feel like i should have been asked before she started playing mom to my son any feed back would help thanks
2007-02-10 15:27:08 · 12 answers · asked by ~*big mama *~ 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
autally i am not a control freak . it s just i felt that it being my first child and the mother i should have been asked but like i said this was not the first time she has just taken over . anyway i am not a control freaak it had nothing to do with how she cut it or cake time it was the whole not his mom just the aunt thing and she was totaally acting like she ws the his mom i mean if anyone outside the familey had seen her body laungue would have thought it was her son it just hit a nerve i guess but thank you for bringing up the control thing maybe i do have control issue and never knew it
2007-02-10 15:59:24 · update #1
i've got 1st hand knowledge of how you felt (diferent scenario) but i felt your feelings when i read the question, you musy always keep your guard on moments that will mean things to youy because others will take them from you (either deliberatley or unknowingly) either way you will feel bad that you missed a first, id speak directly to that person when she's alone and tell her straight how it is and what her role of an aunt is. i dont mean to be inflamatory but if you do nothing, she wont change, just remember who's the mum, she may have just been trying to help but it sounds like you need to have a kindly word and tell her how upset you were and still are, and the next time she tries to do it tell her out loud infront of everyone "hey, im the mum"
by the way, perfectly normal, get this - my ex's mum rang the hospital as (my now ex) was in there giving birth and told them not to call me as she was there and stole the birth of my twins, that was 10 years ago now, it still hurts, make sure your moments arent stolen, lots of family members have no feelings for how other people feel and need to be told straight out as you look them in the eye, good luck
2007-02-11 08:10:34 · answer #1 · answered by fast eddie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i also would be upset but maybe she just felt she was helping. Why not give her the benifit of the doubt. I beleive she should have asked you first though, it is his first cake but think in the long run and the big scheme of life does it matter? At least she didn't start opening the gifts.
2007-02-11 00:40:13 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a control freak to me. I don't really get what the big deal is. Did you not want it to be cake time? Or were you upset that she might cut the pieces differently than you? Either way, I don't really get what the big deal is. Personally I'd be happy with someone else taking care of some of the birthday party details, that way I wouldn't have to take my eyes off my kid while he explored all his new toys or dug into that very first piece of cake hands first.
2007-02-10 23:50:42 · answer #3 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hey it's your son's first birthday-i would feel like she was encroaching. She probably has good intentions, tring to help out, but yes i would feel the same way. I have a sister-in-law that does that kind of crap all the time. I fanally had to pull her aside and tell her to quit, it was hard but it worked.Good Luck
2007-02-10 23:34:46 · answer #4 · answered by Queen-o-the-Damned 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree I would be upset. There isn't much you can do about what has already happened. I would explain to her that she is you sons aunt and you appreciate her help but it's not neccesary. If she doesnt figure it out after that then she is being pushy and you need to set specific boundaries.. ie aunt can you pass out the plates and napkins and I'll cut the cake..
2007-02-10 23:33:23 · answer #5 · answered by Chrissy #1 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well I don't think it is a big deal. Now if you had said... It is my house and I would like to do that.. then if she got angry, defensive or upset.. then that would be out of place of her... I would be very upset though to have my boyfriend name calling me for being upset when I feel walked over... sounds like he is 'walking over' you too
2007-02-10 23:41:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're not being too sensitive. My oldest sister does that over the limit aunt thing to. I would have said something to her about it. I would have said I appreciate the help but you should have asked me. Don't be afraid to stand up to her if she crosses the line, even if your boyfriend gets upset. You are the mom!1
2007-02-10 23:31:25 · answer #7 · answered by Melanie A 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
She was trying to be helpful I am sure. You need to relax and not overreact. As a mother it is important to learn how to let little things go.
2007-02-10 23:30:58 · answer #8 · answered by cherokee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my mother-in-law is the same way, fortunate for me when I tell my daughter something and she tries to over rule me my husband will tell her that it is not her place to do that. I am the mom and what i say goes.
2007-02-10 23:34:55 · answer #9 · answered by cassie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She was probably just trying to help--if you wished to be the 'cake cutter',you should have simply told her so!
2007-02-10 23:30:05 · answer #10 · answered by MaryBeth 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋