I lost my v-card at the age of 6. I was raped. Does any one know wheather or not it will hurt when I do it again. Since I've already done it. Or if I'll have any trouble performing. I'm really into this guy and want to but I don't want to embarrass myself. Any advice would be appreciated.
2007-02-10 15:00:59 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm 17 now
2007-02-10 15:21:40 · update #1
O dear. So sorry to hear that you had to go through such a terrible experience as a kid. That's really not fair. But I'm glad you're considering giving it a try.
I had similar experiences. I can't say about the physical hurt, but emotionally it's different for everyone. Some people have no problems at all, some never get to feel free enough to enjoy sex, and some end up addicted to the experience or sex in general. And there are all the possibilities in between.
From the way you write I would guess that you wouldn't have too many problems emotionally. It sounds like you have come to terms with the incident in your past, at least to some degree, and that helps. Also, just the fact that you are considering trying shows that your psyche is strong, and you may be ready.
If you feel ready in your mind, you probly are. You should take it slow tho. Take it in steps. That will keep it from getting too embarrassing. Before starting, tell him you need to be able to stop if you have to. Come up with some signal that you will both understand means STOP! And he must understand that stop means STOP!
Tell him you may need to advance a little then back off, or advance and rest there until you feel safe enough to move on. You have to be able to trust that your guy will honor this, even if he's dying to get further along.
If you haven't told him about the rape yet, you might want to consider doing that first. There is a risk that he might not be able to handle knowing that, but if that's so it's probly better you don't start with him. Tell him this has to go at your pace. Most women insist on that anyway, so he might as well get used to it. But you are a special girl, one that deserves to be treated with special respect.
You might want to only take things so far on the first try, then come back to it after letting the feelings settle in with you. Again, it will help him to know this a head of time.
All that said, your hormones might just take over and you'll be going after him like crazy. That's ok, as long as you're comfortable with it. Let it happen if it goes that way.
If I were you, I would avoid any positions or acts that are similar to your childhood experiences for now. Try some other things that are less likely to bring out any negative feelings. Warn him not to go there so he doesn't do it by mistake.
You will surely be filled with excitement and nervousness as you 2 get started. That's OK and normal. Everyone feels that. But if you start to feel overwhelmed, frightened or sad you should probly stop and try another time. If you start to feel like you're a child or you are incredibly small or floating out of your body, that's probly fear, and it'll be best to stop. It's not anything you should be embarrassed about. We all have things from childhood that effect us the rest of our lives. Just stop if it doesn't feel right.
If you can, have someone you trust on call in case you need some comforting afterward. Tell your guy you will need him to be around too. He shouldn't just run off when it's done. But he has to understand you may need to go to someone else, the trusted friend, for comfort. Make sure you have some support around this.
I hope you two have a wonderful, sweet passionate time. May this be a non-issue for you for ever.
2007-02-10 15:56:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi. First I'd like to say how sorry I am to hear that you were raped at the age of 6. Whoever did it is seriously sick and should be in jail. About your question though...It may not hurt as much physically as it would emotionally. What I mean is that if you do it with this guy it might bring back bad memories from the time when you were 6. This is just what I've heard a lot of people say. It really depends on how emotionally strong you are though. And don't worry about embarrassing yourself, if this guy is really into you too he won't judge you, he'll be supportive and help you get through it one step at a time.
Good luck girl. God Bless.
2007-02-10 23:09:39 · answer #2 · answered by Confuzzled - sounds soft =P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two issues:
Physically how much (if any) of your hymen is intact.
Sounds like not much, but I'm no expert on things feminine. Thats something you should be able to figure out for yourself.
Psychologically, if you are apprehensive, then that makes the odds better that intercourse will be uncomfortable or painful. A dry vagina is no fun. Again, it seems to me (?) that if he turns you on then you will be able to tell how "ready" you are. So, sounds like some heavy petting is the way to go. And K-Y personal lubricant, perhaps.
As for the performance...Hmmm. We are made to enjoy it so I doubt that once you are ready that will be a problem.
But "performance" - I don't know what you mean....Last I heard many if not most females need more than intercourse for the big-O, anyway. I'm at a loss here. THere's almost nothing you need to do (other than to seem to be enjoying it) for him to enjoy it - at least after you get accustomed to each others bodies. WHich might take a few times.
Sign me clueless.
2007-02-10 23:22:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this guy is really into you then he will understand your fears. Some women don't have any problems at all and there are others that do. If your guy doesn't already know about the molestation when you were a child then you should tell him. Just say...'Hey, I'm really into you and I think I am ready to make love to you but I am having some reservations because...' then tell him what happened as a child and what your fears are. Also, you could talk to a counselor, even the one at school if that be the case. They can be great help.
2007-02-10 23:08:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First i would like to say that your one bold woman for talking about something so serious. If this fellow of yours is gentle I don't think you'll have anything to worry about. In fact you should let him know that you've never had sex before at this stage in your life. This will give him the heads up. If you find yourself with trouble performing I think it will be because of a mental thing. Take things slow....even think about where you and this guy will stand after you've had sex. The last thing you need is an awkward moment. Communicate all your feelings to him and make sure your clear about how you feel. Good Luck!!!
2007-02-10 23:28:17 · answer #5 · answered by blufiah_tam 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry this happened to you. however since it was at the age of six, im assuming your at least older than 15, it seems that you have let go of the emotional pain. and if you are considering having consentual sex for the first time then it means that you are ready. about the pain thing, ive heard that it will be a little uncomfortable up to the first three times. but i dont think it should hurt, unless he's like extra big. in any case, i do believe you should let the guy know of your situation (if he doesnt already know) so that he knows he should go slow and be gentle. in case he doesnt know yet, it is a possibility that he may freak out about your situation because he would be carrying a lot of preassure, at least more than usual, in trying to make you feel good. if this should happen, give him time, you should do this with someone who is as comfortable with it as you are. about the performance, dont worry about it. you're practically a virgin and that means you wont have tons of experience and he probably knows that already. my advice is just to enjoy yourself and him. dont be afraid to mess up, there's really little room for "mistakes" when it comes to sex. its just two people connecting on a different level. which is another reason why you should be completely ready for this step, because not counting your situation, it really is a big thing. you should feel completely comfortable with someone who your gonna have sex with, so dont be too concerned about embarrasing yourself. its unlikely to happen. it is ok to be nervous. i really wish you the best and hope that this experience turns out to be amazing for you. good luck and god bless!
2007-02-10 23:22:22 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Pq, I am so sorry you were rape. His a s s better be in jail. The inmates know how to take care of a child rapest.They will have their way will him all over. He will know what the word rape means. Back to your question. Yes, you will have some pain,but after 3-4 times you will be okay. A Friend.
Clowmy
2007-02-10 23:12:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that. Yes I think it will still hurt. That happened a long time ago. As far a performance, girl leave that up to him. He's the one that needs to hit that spot. You shouldn't have any problems. Take it slow and learn together. Have fun!!!!
2007-02-10 23:06:50 · answer #8 · answered by Amy H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off i would like to say tat sex is not e only way to show your love towards someone. Even if it is a guy tat u r realli into u shud not giv ur body in exchange for a ns couple of words or a longer together time (unless u r alrdy married wif him). First off think about wat he is to you is he someone tat u wan to spend ur whole life wif (and u r sure tat he will want to do e same) or is he someone u noe tat plays around. You dont want to gt more hurt after tat now would u? Im not saying tat u shudent do it its jus whether u tink it is right...and yes it may hurt again.
2007-02-10 23:15:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sry for what happened to you but just make absolutly sure you are ready to have sex you could end up crying or acting violently because of your past but yes if will hurt and if the guy your with really cares about you then hell understand to take things slow
2007-02-10 23:08:24 · answer #10 · answered by jinx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋